


No Reason

by Viridian5



Series: Reason [2]
Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, Episode Related, Glühen Happens, Humor, M/M, Mission Fic, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-01-29
Updated: 2012-01-22
Packaged: 2017-10-22 23:45:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 64,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/243898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team--and its members--falls apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "It hasn't done me any good all the time I've been *thinking* it, so no."

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to “Reason.” I start off somewhat AU--since just having Aya resume a relationship with his sister in “Reason” was screwed by _Glühen_ \--then go utterly AU after _Glühen_. Though the beginning of the story takes place inside _Glühen_. You’ll see. Later chapters will take on _Side B_.
> 
> I’ve been working on this in fits and starts since 2003. Progress is slow but I fully intend to get to the end someday.
> 
> I used VAST’s _Nude_ and _Turquoise & Crimson_ as the soundtrack for a lot of this. Thanks to Syvia, Bardsley, Rosaleendhu, tarot_card_, and Fluffymaru for pre-reading.

_“There’s no angels here.  
Just a sun to light the way  
To places where my friends  
Turn to strangers....”_  
  -- “Lost ( _Nude_ version)” by VAST  
\-------------------------------------------

Aya should have been glad to have Weiß, the true Weiß as he knew it, all together in one room again, even with Omi here only via a video connection, but it left him unsettled instead, as the careful lie he’d constructed for himself over the past few months fell to pieces. To the eye, the scene didn’t look much different than it once had, with Yoji and Ken sitting on a couch, himself standing, Sena there as a physical Omi substitute, a shadowy Persia form onscreen giving them instructions, and a Persia secretary directing the briefing from this end.

But Ken was even more hair-trigger now than when he’d left, and Yoji was excessively and falsely casual around Aya. It seemed that Ken and Yoji’s mission away had merely given them the opportunity to hone their growing psychoses and bond over it.

Aya knew that everything had been going to hell even before they’d departed. Omi had left to be with his grandfather, falling under the Takatori influence. Ken, once goodhearted if quick-tempered, had become bloodthirsty and perpetually angry after Akira’s death and worse after Omi’s departure. Yoji, who had once seemed content with his relations with Aya, had gained a more haunted look and a wandering eye, sizing up every woman he passed, so much so that Aya told him to do whatever he had to do while away. Aya had hoped that Yoji and Ken would come back better than they’d left.

With them away, Aya had been left with the new Weiß members Sena and Kyo, both of them angry and seeking vengeance in that tragic way he knew so well, both impetuous, one of them so desperately young. Throwing himself into working with them--even as he’d kept himself distant enough that they couldn’t become family as the others somehow had--had distracted him from his worries and missing Yoji. At least, it worked some of the time.

His new undercover assignment starting a month ago had further distracted him. Who would have guessed that he’d have the ability and patience to teach a class? Or that he’d enjoy it....

He’d lied flagrantly to himself, telling himself that it was a new life, but it was simply the rotting old life with new players. He glanced at Sena, who hadn’t been punished by Persia for his infraction after all but didn’t look like he felt he’d gotten a reprieve. Sena should leave the team while he was still slightly clean, while he still could, but Aya knew he wouldn’t.

Kyo had retired in the only way Aya expected to, and Aya mourned him and felt responsible. There should have been a way to prevent his death, even though, in more realistic moments, Aya acknowledged that he couldn’t have stopped Kyo from racing to his doom short of handcuffing Kyo to him or tying Kyo to a tree, both of which also had risks. Sometimes he resented Kyo for dying like that.

And now the rest of Weiß had come home. Ken, who had once coached children, ranted angrily about young Sena not being punished to the utmost extent, as if _he’d_ never been misled and used by an enemy, while Yoji seemed lighthearted and bored, although if you knew Yoji you could see how haunted he truly was. Yoji looked strangely smaller as well as thinner.... The team that Omi had once claimed was like a family seemed more like a rabid dog already missing one leg and gnawing on the rest.

Aya might very well be the sanest member of Weiß. That should scare anyone.

Something was wrong with Ken. Something was wrong with Yoji, more than a simple infidelity that Aya had damned well sanctioned anyway. Yoji’s failure to bother greeting him and the distance that stretched between them right now said plainly that what they’d had together was over. Omi, who now called himself Takatori Mamoru, was distant and might be traveling further and further down the path to being a Takatori in more than genetics.

And Aya didn’t see what he could do about any of it.

Now he’d been restricted from active service, since it seemed that the enemy knew his identity. Such was the peril of using his real name while undercover as Kritiker had bizarrely told him to. It meant that once again he was isolated from Yoji and Ken.

He spoke during the briefing at the right moments, but inside he was far away....

******************************************************

It seemed right to sit with Ken, maintaining some distance from Aya, Sena, and Rex. He and Ken had been away from the team together, and now Yoji felt as if they’d been soldiers who’d become buddies during a war and come back to find that no one else understood them.

Not that he fully understood Ken. Why get so ticked off over Persia giving Sena a bit of leeway? The kid looked like he didn’t need any help punishing himself over his mistakes, since he already blamed himself for Kyo’s death. Sena might be spending too much time with Aya. Persia didn’t need to do much more.

Aya stood off to the side, cool and stolid, only occasionally interjecting. Some things never changed. Other things did change. Yoji couldn’t believe the new brown hair color. Crimson must have been thought to be too flashy for a history teacher. Aya’s bared neck drew him....

He didn’t deserve to touch Aya’s skin. Although Aya told him to do whatever he felt he had to in Europe, he’d sworn that he wouldn’t let anything go too far, yet he’d fallen in love with Michelle even as he used her for the information she could give him. Perhaps he’d fallen in love because of it, to make his actions seem a little less tawdry and whorish.

Then he’d killed her. In self-defense, yes, but he’d killed her and quipped as he did it. Everyone he loved died because of him one way or another. Aya still lived, if you could call what they did living.

Better for Aya if he stayed far clear of Yoji and the hollowness inside him that could devour Aya whole. Better to make a clean break. Better Yoji stay away, because every time his sunshine looked at him he had such sadness in his eyes.

Now Yoji had to work on Tuji-san for information in much the same way he had on Michelle, with romance, and he worried that it would go the same way. Why get Aya’s hopes up if he ran the risk of dashing them again? It was easier to avoid him.

Yoji loathed himself. Better to keep that away from Aya too.

******************************************************

He’d seen Yoji flirt incessantly with Tuji-san at the school, so it didn’t surprise him that Yoji would take her out to dinner, but his heart had sunk to hear Yoji say that this was a _date_ that was actually work. Aya had told him before that he didn’t have to whore himself to get data for them, that there were other ways, but Yoji swore that he was fine and his way worked. He wouldn’t do anything harmful to himself.

Aya didn’t believe him.

Tonight he also had to hold Ken back from storming their enemies’ secret lair. Had Ken and Yoji lost all sense of caution during their time away or just stopped caring about themselves? Or both?

He knew the answer to that. He wished he didn’t.

When the whole team returned to the secret base the next night, they found it cleaned out. Although he wanted to kick himself over opportunities lost and he knew Ken resented him over it, Aya also knew that he’d made the right decision the night before. He and Ken alone could have been slaughtered here as Kyo and Touto had.

Despite the disappointments of the night, it felt good to have Yoji standing at his side right now. He told himself not to become too accustomed to it.

******************************************************

“You look terrible, Ran,” Aya said once they’d gotten far enough away from the school. As usual, his sister saw too much.

He sighed. “Thank you.”

They walked side by side, he shortening his stride and she lengthening hers. No one else walked with him, although Omi used to try and Yoji....

Yoji used to do a lot of things with him that he didn’t anymore.

“You haven’t called me in ages, which means that things are going bad again.”

“I called you about Kyo.”

“You were on autopilot and couldn’t let Sena know how much you were hurting, so it had to come out somewhere. I’m glad you called me instead of doing something dramatic.”

“You just invalidated your own argument.” He took off the glasses he wore as part of his cover.

“Ran, there’s a kind of... quality to your telephone silences. If you’d been thinking more like yourself and hadn’t been so shocked, you wouldn’t have called me about him. You’re thinking now, I can tell. So talk to me instead.”

She wouldn’t stop until she had the whole story anyway, so he might as well save them both trouble. “Yoji and Ken are back.”

“I missed them. Bad enough we lost Omi.... How are they?”

“Worse.”

“Of course they are. I’m sorry I gave my blessing to you and Yoji. He’s been such an ass.”

“You couldn’t have known it would turn out this way. We had some good times.”

“Still, ass.”

“I’m not the only person who’s had a bad breakup and then had to continue to associate with my ex.”

“Big Brother, he is still an ass.”

“All right, he’s an ass.”

“Don’t you feel better saying that?”

“It hasn’t done me any good all the time I’ve been _thinking_ it, so no.”

“You have to have something decent in your life.”

“I’m... actually enjoying the teaching.” Even though he wasn’t qualified. Watching his students transform from cold, brainwashed zombies into vital, spirited young people had been so rewarding. The suicides had ended as well. Now he only had to find the culprit or culprits and dispatch them to hell for their crimes.

“Maybe it could become a new career.”

“Aya, I’m dead under my own name and teaching under yours. I have no real credentials. In any case, with the way this mission is going the school might not survive to give me a reference.”

“And you don’t think they’ll let you go.”

She didn’t mean the school.

She’d always been so smart. As much as it grieved him that she had to worry, it relieved him and made him proud that she didn’t trust Kritiker and that she didn’t say its name, knowing that they could be watched at all times. “I don’t think they’ll let me leave. In any case, I’m a... florist. I shouldn’t be near children.”

“Teenagers.”

“That only makes the corruption possibilities worse.”

“You’re teaching them without staining their poor souls now.”

“Only to protect them.”

“See?”

“Me as a teacher is setting a wolf to guard the sheep. That there are worse wolves doesn’t make it good for the long run.”

“You’re a sheepdog guarding the sheep.” She shook her head. “I’ve left you alone too long. The more time you spend in your team’s world, the more you talk in melodramatic metaphors.”

“You just called me a sheepdog and you’re quibbling about metaphors?”

“You need to get out more. Do you ever date?” Since they no longer had parents, she seemed to feel compelled to take the parental role of demanding he find someone to settle down with.

“Have I ever dated? My... relationship with Yoji dropped into my lap. Literally, sometimes.”

“You’re at that school....”

“I’m investigating these people. It’s hardly appropriate.” And he wasn’t Yoji, to whore himself out for information. His stomach did a slow, queasy roll at the thought.

“You’re good looking. You must have some people chasing you.”

“I won’t date a student.” They deserved better.

“Now you’re just being difficult.”

“There’s Asami-san.” Who was sweet, but.... “But she’s just too young in so many ways. _You’re_ more mature.”

“Ow. Though you’re not helping yourself by turning every woman into a younger sister in your head.”

“Probably not. Yoji is dating one of the teachers.”

“Can I kill him?”

“Could you not joke about that?”

“I’m sorry about Kyo.”

“Me too,” although if Kyo had only listened and followed orders he’d be alive now, “but why are you bringing him up?” He felt more and more lately that they would all die soon. They just didn’t care enough to keep living.

He was no Omi to give what Weiß did purpose and justice, nor did he have the persuasive skills to talk Sena into leaving while the boy still had some innocence left. They all drifted within the team, here only because they didn’t know what else to do with themselves.

“He seemed like a nice guy, and he had a crush on you.”

Kyo? He couldn’t imagine it. “He didn’t.”

“You’re so blind. Has Sena developed a crush on you yet?”

“What? Don’t start with me. He’s too young!”

“The young ones seem to like you.”

“Who knows why.”

Her look turned more worried. “It bothers me that what happened to me is stopping you from seeing women. Not that you’re doing any better with men, but you should have more options.”

“It’s not you, and it’s not such a loss. I can’t see bringing someone into my world. It’s too dangerous.” Besides, in his head he’d already gone back to his plan of playing spinster uncle to Aya’s eventual family. If he survived that long. “Could we please not do this? I wanted to get together with you to get away from it all.”

She no doubt saw right through the manipulation, but she didn’t chide him for trying to maneuver her. “All right. Let’s have dinner. There’s this new place I tried that I think you’ll like.”

******************************************************

Give up their investigation and abandon the campus? How could they, when they hadn’t taken down the people responsible for the deaths of those children and Kyo’s murder? Aya’s students weren’t safe. This was ludicrous. He refused.

“I refuse,” he said aloud and heard the others gasp. “This incident isn’t over. I won’t follow Persia’s order. I’ll keep investigating Koua even if I have to do it alone.”

He heard Rex’s surprised answer and Sena’s enthusiastic support before Ken growled at the “rookies” to quiet down.

“What’s wrong with you, Aya?” Yoji asked. “This isn’t like you.”

As if Yoji knew anymore.

“Yeah, Persia’s order is absolute,” Ken said.

Hardly. This order was wrong. This wasn’t what Weiß was supposed to be about. Once he’d stayed with them to earn the money he’d needed for his sister’s hospital bills, but now she was awake and he had no further need for the increased wealth an assassin’s paycheck gave him. Irrevocably stained with death and sin, he stayed because he excelled only at killing and might as well make a positive difference with his sins. If Weiß left, no one else would catch and punish these criminals who hid behind the school. Letting Kyo’s and all of those students’ deaths go unavenged, leaving their murderer still loose to start again, violated everything Aya lived by. Esset had always been their enemy, and Aya would know no peace if he let them go.

No one had ever asked him why he’d stayed with the team even after everything with Yoji had begun to go wrong, and apparently none of them knew him well enough to guess.

“Oi! Aya!” Ken said, but Aya ignored him to stare at Persia’s shadowy shape on the screen. Persia had once been Omi, and Omi never would have ordered this.

But Takatori Mamoru might. Takatori Mamoru had.

Aya knew he would be punished for his refusal; Kritiker had changed once the Takatori family had taken it over again. Of course it had. Whatever happened, Aya would not back down. He might have precious little honor left to him now, but he would defend what he thought was right. If he died, he died.

In so many ways he was already dead.


	2. "You're conducting a love affair, and I'm not part of it."

Yoji vividly remembered the sight and feel of his strangling hands around Mayumi’s neck. What kind of monster was he becoming?

He deserved Asuka’s taunting. He was a liar and hypocrite as well as abusive.

Worse, Mayumi forgave him. Asuka absolved him for falling in love again. Why did they keep forgiving him? Didn’t they know that he destroyed everything he touched? Even Aya, angry as he was becoming over Yoji’s behavior and evasions, forgave him, and Yoji had been hurtful in the extreme to try to prevent it, flinging his relationship and sex with Mayumi into Aya’s face.

He’d even told Aya to get a lover.

Even though Yoji had done it for Aya’s own good, he’d wanted to punch himself for the words coming out of his mouth during that briefing. Once upon a time he’d thought that Aya couldn’t feel emotional pain anymore, just anger and hate, but Yoji had reached a point where he could read so much in the way the skin around Aya’s mouth and eyes tightened.

His sunshine still felt pain. His sunshine felt it now.

Damn, but he loathed himself. Without his past, without his memories, if he ceased to be, life would be better for so many people.

******************************************************

And yet he couldn’t follow through. He never could. He always wanted everything, worthy of it or not.

He watched Aya sit at the table, surrounded by books and papers. His brown hair still surprised Yoji, although at least red showed through it sometimes in sunlight, as it had during their rooftop discussion. Only Aya would need to dye his hair to get a more natural looking color. Something about the sudden movement of Aya’s shoulders told Yoji that Aya knew he was back there watching, yet he said no word of greeting or dismissal.

Yoji loved the length of that hair, even though the neat braid still surprised him at times, the price of Aya having long hair, since Aya didn’t know what to do with it except tie it back and braid it. Aya had once kept it short and disheveled, never exactly the same way twice and at several different lengths at once. Now only some unbound shorter tendrils around his face remained of that once obvious wildness.

That change had happened gradually, whereas Yoji had come home one day with his hair bleached and cropped short, prompting Aya to growl bloody murder. Yoji had just needed a change and didn’t feel that his hair had to be a couple’s decision--it was _his_ head--even if Aya did like it longer.

Aya in a yelling rage could be spectacular and nearly violent, but the yelling rages weren’t the worst, because eventually that anger would break and explosive makeup sex could ensue. The cold rages were the ones to be feared, and Aya could hold on to those forever....

Aya tugged lightly on one of the tendrils of hair near his face, something he did sometimes while concentrating on a book. It made Yoji smile, since it felt like coming home.

Damn, but he _wanted_ Aya, even if he didn’t deserve him.

As Yoji approached, he noticed that Aya wore glasses, the ones he used while undercover teaching, and he remembered his reaction to seeing Aya in his Fujimiya-sensei identity that first time. Dressed in a suit, looking so professional and adult, Aya had smiled so brightly and openly that Yoji had screwed up, addressing him informally by a name he shouldn’t have known right in front of Asami-sensei, a big no-no for a director meeting one of the teachers he directed for the first time.

Aya smiled a lot on campus, and Yoji had thought it to be part of the cover, but the smiles looked too genuine. Students and teachers liked and respected Aya, and even the last director had seen him as one of the best teachers at the school. Aya was popular with everyone there, _his_ Aya, famed for being an antisocial misanthrope with ice water in his veins, although Yoji knew that wasn’t the real story. But since when had it become obvious to other people?

Right now Aya appeared to be making meticulous lesson plans for the next day, drawing maps and writing instructions and speech notes to himself in a more careful hand than usual. Yoji just threw some art principles and half-assed improvisations at his classes.

“You like teaching, and you’re good at it,” Yoji said as he realized it.

“It doesn’t matter,” Aya replied.

Because they were assassins and would never be free.

And when had Aya’s default bad-tempered stone face turned into this quiet, mournful calm? Yoji wanted to ask him when he’d become so adult, but no one could do that to anyone, let alone Aya, without getting his head kicked in, even if Yoji did admit in the process that _he_ wasn’t an adult yet.

Yoji felt a rush of affection for him but pushed it away. He also stopped his hands from going to touch Aya’s hair, which would put them so close to Aya’s graceful neck, which was bared by one of Aya’s, not Fujimiya-sensei’s, shirts. A necklace encircled it like...

No lovemarks on that neck, showing how long Yoji had been gone.

No strangulation marks on that neck either.

The Europe mission had given Yoji time to think about what had gone wrong between them. Yoji had been content being with Aya, and that couldn’t be allowed. He didn’t deserve it. He’d... loved Aya, and that couldn’t be allowed either. So he’d half-consciously sabotaged things by being an ass but had actually been offended when Aya had noticed him checking out women and given him carte blanche for his time away. It made Yoji seem small and mean, both true, so he’d yelled and Aya had yelled....

And now, two women later, one of whom Yoji had to kill for a mission and in self-defense and the other he had nearly strangled to death during sex for no reason, Yoji didn’t know what to say to him.

“Where were you, Yoji?” Aya asked.

There were so many ways to take that question. “Just thinking.”

“No wonder it seemed so unfamiliar.”

“Funny guy. How’s Aya-chan?”

“Well.”

The months stretched like a chasm between them. Yoji could see Aya wanting to ask him questions and didn’t know how much to tell him.

“What do you want, Yoji?” Aya asked, sounding so tired.

“I can’t talk to you anymore?”

“We’re neither friends nor lovers anymore. On the rooftop you told me that I should have a love affair of my own so I could understand yours with Mayumi better and be less tight-assed. You didn’t want to hear anything I had to say. Why are you talking to me now?” Sounding even more tired, he said, “I don’t even care about the women. I knew what you were like when I took up with you--”

“Hey!”

“Although you were faithful, and we lasted longer than anyone expected.”

“Who’s ‘anyone’?”

“Omi. Ken. Aya-chan. Manx. Birman--”

Two of whom were dead now. “I get the point.”

“Then you came back and avoided me, and when you weren’t avoiding me you were being a secretive prick regarding personal and professional matters. Our confrontation on the rooftop just made it official. So why are you here now?” Aya looked so cool and unruffled if you ignored the tightness around his eyes and mouth. Most people wouldn’t notice it.

All of Yoji’s noble intentions of staying away from Aya and letting him move on dissolved in the face of this chilled, nearly expressionless misery. He’d brought Aya back to life a while ago, and in his absence his sunshine had died again. These days Aya was only happy while pretending to be someone else.

Yoji had done this to him.

Wanting some of that heat back, Yoji took Aya’s glasses off and said, “Aya, your lover has fooled around with a few women, kept things from you, and behaved like an ass to you.”

Aya stood and turned to face him. “What do you want from me?”

“Yell. Growl. Something.”

“What would that achieve?”

“It would make me feel better.”

“Why should I make you feel better?” Aya’s face lost a little of its chill and took on something of a feral look. When Yoji had first met him, he’d looked starved, with sharp angles coming up from his soft face in his rage and desolation. Yoji thought that a person might be able to cut himself on the edges of that desperate need. Now that old Aya blazed through. The old Aya might not have been entirely healthy, but he was more alive than the current one.

Yoji breathed again. He wanted this.

And Aya saw that, and returned to the former cool serenity. Yoji knew what to do when Aya yelled--he just yelled back--but he didn’t know how to fight back against the coldness, because he couldn’t match it and because cold Aya was implacable. If you went cold on him in response, he turned even colder and harder. It only escalated, and Aya always won by being able to go further with it than Yoji could.

“Leave,” Aya said. “Don’t you have a date or something?”

“No.” Yoji stepped closer, standing so close now that he could feel Aya’s body heat. He remembered this, the call of a body that was hard instead of soft, the siren call of a lover who could meet violence with violence if necessary.

He knew what Aya was. Given Michelle and Mayumi’s mysteries, knowing the truth of him felt precious.

“You’re conducting a love affair, and I’m not part of it,” Aya said. “I intend to remain that way.”

When Yoji moved closer still, pressing Aya back against the table, he felt Aya draw in a shaky breath. He could feel Aya’s arousal rub against his own as their breathing accelerated. This was why Yoji had stayed away from him, because once he was drawn in this close he _couldn’t_ stay away.

“Sunshine, I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing,” he murmured against Aya’s skin as he kissed the pale column of Aya’s neck. Undulating against him, hands clenching on Yoji’s arms, Aya let out a helpless, wanting sound that probably made him feel ashamed of himself.

How long had it been since Aya had had sex? Could Yoji have possibly been his last? The thought made Yoji pull possessively on Aya’s braid a little. As much as the braid had always tempted him, he tried to keep that to a minimum for fear that annoyance over that gesture would inspire Aya to cut it off.

Would he always feel possessive over Aya?

Yoji wanted him. Wanted him so much that it clouded judgment and reason. Wanted him so much that this stopped seeming like a new mistake in the making.

“No, Yoji,” Aya gasped. “I won’t let you toy with me like this.” But he moaned as Yoji did a bump and grind with him pinned against the table. Arousal brought color, life, to his face. “No....”

His words might deny it, but every fiber of his being cried out a Yes to Yoji, and Yoji couldn’t help answering.

A sudden gasp from the doorway made Aya stiffen in Yoji’s arms. Wide-eyed, Sena stared at them, and the sight broke through the haze of Yoji’s lust a little. By the time Sena had joined the team Yoji and Aya’s relationship had already begun to hit the skids, with Yoji staying away in a fit of pique more often and Aya closing up as he tended to do. Yoji didn’t even know if the kid realized that they’d been lovers, since they hadn’t touched as much in public then as they once had.

Yoji wondered what the kid made of the sight before him now. Did he see two people starting sex or Yoji forcing himself on Aya? All those Nos might be confusing to a kid, and Sena had a major crush on Aya, not that Aya recognized it.

“Let go of him,” Sena said. That answered that question.

“It’s all right, Sena.” Aya pushed Yoji away and moved aside. “Go, Yoji. I forgot myself. It won’t happen again.”

Yoji remembered that Aya had bonded to Sena as a kind of Omi substitute, having taken Omi’s defection to the Takatori family hard. The kid’s appearance had broken the mood for him.

Hell, it had broken the mood for Yoji too. With sense starting to return, Yoji couldn’t say that was a bad thing. Fucking Aya would be wonderfully satisfying as it happened, but then what? He’d go back to romancing Mayumi. He did love her, _and_ he had a job to do. Would it speak better or worse of Aya if he could understand the business aspects of Yoji’s relations with Mayumi?

Either way, Yoji couldn’t help feeling that it would hurt and confuse Aya. It hurt and confused _him_ , and he at least had some small idea of what he was doing.

“Yeah. I’ll see you, Aya.” He left the room and the building to go for a drive, although he doubted it would clear his head. Nothing seemed to do that anymore.

******************************************************

“It’s all right, Sena,” Aya murmured as he watched Yoji go.

Strong? Aya wasn’t strong. All of his pride and strength had only lasted until Yoji had touched him. Then he’d fallen like the virgin maiden in some awful romance story. He felt so ashamed of himself.

He still loved Yoji, and part of him wished Sena hadn’t interrupted them. The rest of him felt sick over how close he’d come to surrendering and entangling himself all over again. Yoji had been so insistent....

Sena looked so worried for him. “What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know.” But he did know. “But he wasn’t hurting me. He’s just confused.”

Sena looked disbelieving and slightly murderous. “Aya-san, it looked....” Reckless, unfocused, Sena could be dangerous. He’d killed a relative in a fit of confused zeal just recently.

“Nothing would have happened. Let it go.”

This is what being a “white hunter” turned people into if they kept at it: twisted, confused, disconnected from normal human behavior. He felt the temptation to say something like that, to try to convince Sena to leave Weiß and resume a normal life again, but he worried that hitting that point over and over might make Sena stubbornly stay.

He feared for Sena. One way or another, innocence didn’t survive in Weiß.

******************************************************

Asami-sensei was so sweet and goodhearted and so young in so many ways that she made him feel old and very protective. Very big brotherly. She also had such an intense crush on him that even he noticed. He hoped that his offer to help her get supplies for the school festival wouldn’t lead her on, but he feared that it did. She told him that everyone here admired his teaching, but he suspected that her praise was her crush on him talking.

Asami-san was in love with a lie. The Fujimiya Aya she admired so much didn’t actually exist.

But there were some times when he pretended so hard and so well that he almost believed the lie himself.

Speaking to her with Ken hiding nearby made him feel dirty. As much as his presence already tainted her, how much worse was it to have two assassins in the room?

Once she left, Aya said, “You can come out now.”

“Sorry to bother you,” Ken answered. Like hell.

They went out to the gazebo, the scene of so many recent troubles. Once there, Ken didn’t tell him anything he didn’t know. Yes, of course there would be punishment for refusing to obey orders. The Takatori family would surely send a team to punish Aya for his disobedience. Aya didn’t need someone to rehash that for him and wished Ken would get to the point.

“Why _did_ you disobey Persia’s order?” Ken finally asked.

“Why do you want to stay here?” Aya didn’t mean the gazebo or the school.

“Probably for the same reason you do, but I want to hear you say it. Why did you ignore Persia’s order of retreat and keep investigating?”

Ken should know that without him having to say anything. This was too annoying for Aya to deal with right now. “The enemy knows who I really am. You shouldn’t get in touch with me.” Aya knew why he’d disobeyed. He didn’t need to spell it out for Ken. He shouldn’t have to.

He started to leave, but Ken grabbed his shoulder. “I’m not finished!”

“Let go of me.”

“Are you afraid? You can’t turn back once you’ve said it. You want me to say it? You disobeyed Persia’s order because you--”

Aya didn’t have the time or patience for this. He spun to punch his way free, but Ken caught his fist and finished, smirking, with “You wanted to give up on Weiß, right?”

That wasn’t quite it. “I don’t know.” Ken didn’t expect the punch to the gut. Aya watched him slump to the ground, then said, “The wind is chilly at night. Be careful. Don’t catch a cold.”

But even as he walked away, Ken wouldn’t stop. “Damn it, Aya! That’s the reason, isn’t it? In order to continue to be Weiß, not a tool for the Takatori family, but a real white hunter. You don’t want to give up on Weiß, right? I want to be with you! Count me in! Aya!”

Fool. Even at night someone might hear all that yelling. Ken’s offer was too stupid to be touching.

If Aya had to be punished, let it be alone. He didn’t want to take anyone down with him.

Aya kept walking and didn’t look back.

******************************************************

As he drove away, Yoji figured that should expect by now that no matter how bad things became, they could always get worse. Mayumi wasn’t just involved in Esset, she was apparently very high up, and she’d been engineered to be faster and stronger, just as Michelle had been. He’d never guessed.

And she held him in some contempt, not that he blamed her for that. She obviously felt no fear of revealing herself to him or letting him go, figuring he would come back.

After all, she’d offered him peace. She could change his memories, erase his past.

Make him Esset’s puppet.

She knew him so well that she could take him apart with her words. She had seen what he was the whole time, while he’d never realized a thing about her. He was a monster who lied to himself and everyone around him, someone incapable of love, who used the lie of love to excuse his behavior and try to hide from himself. Someone who hurt everyone around him.

Now even Asuka saw him as he really was.


	3. "It's funny how you always see that too late."

Sena had stupidly gone off investigating on his own again, with no backup. The girl had him beaten and pinned down, and prepared to rip out his throat. Sword bared and ready, Aya ran to join them. She never saw him coming. Surprising, hitting, and slicing her felt darkly satisfying in a way they shouldn’t have, but he went with the flow.

Having something to fight that he could actually hit felt good.

That left him facing the boy who’d beaten him so badly at the school. Then Aya hadn’t been prepared for his engineered speed and flexibility.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting,” Aya said. “I’m the agent of justice.”

He shouldn’t be so callous and eager. These were abused and brainwashed children.

“Aya,” Sena moaned, lying beaten on the ground.

No, he could be as eager and callous as he wished to these. He let the cool darkness in. Last time, he hadn’t fought this boy as Abyssinian. He wouldn’t make that mistake twice.

The boy blustered on about how weak Weiß was, how Class Z knew and could counter their every move, how he would only beat the shit out of Aya again. Bored with it, Aya answered, “You need to take lessons after school. Didn’t someone teach you the proper way of speaking to your teacher?”

Yoji would be shocked to hear him bantering witlessly with an enemy. He would be shocked to see the near smile on Aya’s face.

If Yoji would even recognize one of Aya’s smiles anymore.

Incensed, the boy attacked and Aya easily dodged. The boy attacked again, and Aya easily dodged again, making him look slow and stupid.

The boy continued raving... and finally saw that he didn’t fight the same person he fought at the school. “Who the hell are you? I saw it! I saw it! You carry unforgivable sins. The one I’m fighting with is the ghost attached to you. Don’t expect me to be scared by your bluff.”

Everyone jabbered on too much. Aya simply waited for the inevitable charge and slashed when it came. So easy.

Even as the boy fell, he kept ranting, “Why do you insist on fighting? Belief in justice?” It was a relief when he finally hit the ground and stopped talking, dead.

Aya had entertained thoughts of leaving this life behind. It had felt so good to do a job he could talk about on the street, in a profession people would respect him for. His students had liked and looked up to him. But that was a dream.

He was a killer.

Aya cleaned and sheathed his katana, then crouched beside Sena, who looked up at him weakly, dazed. They’d beaten him badly, but he would live. Sena gasped, “I shouldn’t... have come in alone. I should have... called in backup, told someone where I was....”

“It’s funny how you always see that too late.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Fortunately, _I_ called in backup. Ken will be here soon.”

******************************************************

Aya played the voice message and smiled a bit as his sister’s voice growled, “Big brother, _pick up the phone_. Pick up-- Call me. I’m fine, but I keep getting the feeling that you’re not. Please call me.”

He didn’t erase the message, but he didn’t call her either. What did he have to tell her, really? He was a killer.

******************************************************

Shopping for the cultural festival with Asami-san felt terribly surreal. They walked together like two normal people, while he... was not. Surely he was terrible company today, worse than usual. His sister would certainly say so. With that in mind, he bought Asami-sensei the leather-bound notebook he’d caught her admiring.

He’d erred, because it meant much more to Asami than he’d expected. It reminded her of her father, who had also been a teacher. While she hadn’t liked him much as a child, she respected him very much now... and thanked Aya for that, because she’d admired him for protecting Sena and thought that her father might have done the same. Aya and her father’s examples made her want to be a better teacher, one who protected students and stood up for the right thing.

He was a lie. She was admiring a lie, a lie who was taking advantage of her. He was no protector, no one to respect or admire. He shouldn’t be here.

But he kept on pretending.

******************************************************

The investigation moved ahead, with everyone having a role to fill. Only Yoji was balking, evading Aya at home and at the school. Avoiding Aya for personal reasons was one thing, but letting it get in the way of a mission was inexcusable.

Or Tuji might be involved deeper than Yoji had admitted to them. If that turned out to be so, Aya would strike with no mercy.

How fortunate that Ken and Sena, who had been working on the investigation the way the team was supposed to, overheard that Tuji _was_ involved. Now Aya _really_ needed to talk to Yoji. And how funny that when Aya opened the door to the art room to confront him, Yoji initially greeted him with the name “Tuji.” The portrait of her on the easel certainly suggested things as well.

Before joining Weiß, Aya had never realized that being proven correct could feel so sick, so poisonous.

Everything was ending now. He could feel it. Maybe it would be a relief.

As Yoji obediently followed him to the roof, perhaps sensing that evasions wouldn’t work anymore, Aya strove for calm. Wild accusations wouldn’t get information out of Yoji. He also shouldn’t assume that he already knew all the answers. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Yoji answered.

“You won’t even tell us?”

Yoji wouldn’t face him. “Aya, do you want to forget some of the past?”

How could he dare to ask that? He _knew_. “You can’t forget the past.”

Yoji finally turned to face him. “I was asking do you want to.”

This was an idiotic conversation. “I haven’t thought about it.”

“Yeah, because you’re strong.”

Aya was realistic, not strong. “You can’t undo past wrongs.” Forgetting about events didn’t wipe them out of existence for the rest of the world. The consequences remained. “Besides, we’re Weiß.” There was no escape. “What happened between you and Tuji?”

“Nothing.”

More lies, more betrayal.... This was ridiculous! “Yoji!”

“I said ‘nothing.’ I’ll do my job. Leave me alone.” And then he left again.

Seeing that Yoji couldn’t be counted on for anything, Aya let him go and told himself to stop trying. He’d wasted enough time.

But Asami wasn’t starting the preparations for the festival as they’d agreed. And why did she want to meet him _there_ , in the infirmary? Had someone gotten ill or been injured?

He started to get a very bad feeling.

When he saw her lying on the floor in the infirmary he didn’t even have to think before he started his run. It didn’t surprise him at all to see Tuji killing the Class Z girl that he himself had apparently not killed enough, although the strength she used surprised him.

This was life. It destroyed everything that meant anything to you. If it could do so by using your own mistakes against you, all the better.

Tuji threw the girl at him and jumped through the window to escape. As much as he wanted to follow and wring Tuji’s neck, Asami was still alive and horribly injured. He crouched beside her and held her, while she still held that damned notebook. With the way she was bleeding out she wouldn’t last long. He could tell. He wished to hell he didn’t know that.

She said his name, then died.

She didn’t deserve this. She hadn’t known that she shouldn’t get close to him. He hadn’t warned her. She’d never known the real him, so she should have been safe, but his shadow life had reached out to destroy her anyway.

He’d... liked her. Just never in the way she’d wanted him to.

His tears fixed nothing and wouldn’t bring her back, but he had such trouble holding them in. He couldn’t breathe.

The notebook dropped from her hand and opened up on the floor, revealing a disc. He wondered....

Later.

He held her closer. If she were alive, she would have liked that. It was the least he could do.

******************************************************

It turned out that the disc held exactly the data they needed. Aya sat and stared, barely aware of the others around him.

It was all a joke, of a particularly twisted and vicious kind. Aya hadn’t succeeded in killing that Class Z girl after all but afterward she fled Esset, ironically taking with her the information Weiß needed and even more ironically running into Asami-san. Inspired by Aya’s shining example of leadership and bravery, Asami had taken the girl to the infirmary and then gone looking for him. But she couldn’t find him, so she brought Tuji to the girl instead and died horribly as a result.

In another universe in which he hadn’t wasted time with Yoji, Asami would have found him and brought him to the girl. Asami would be alive, Weiß would have the information, and Tuji would be none the wiser. Asami would be alive.

This was his fault, his failure. If only he’d been reachable at that moment, if only he hadn’t wasted time on a lost cause, everything would have been so much better....

Takatori Mamoru arrived, in person, without shadows to hide him or his voice distorted for once, to explain to them the lonely road Omi had chosen in giving up his name and becoming Persia. Aya didn’t say that it wasn’t a road any of them had asked him to take, because what good would that do? Takatori Mamoru came to them now as Omi, he said, to give them a mission Persia couldn’t. Aya was so fucking tired of the layers of identity they all had lately. The boy had become a bureaucracy all by himself. To Aya’s further anger, Takatori Mamoru called his time as Omi in Weiß a time of weakness because he’d worked in a team instead of alone. Then he swore that he wouldn’t let the Takatori family hurt them. Good luck there. Takaktoris did whatever they wanted, decency and the law be damned. But as Omi he announced Tsukiyono Omi and Weiß’s last mission: to destroy the school system, Epitaph, and Esset and execute Tuji and Shimojima.

Aya was the first to stand and accept the mission, Sena the second. Then Ken, and he hadn’t seen Ken look so happy in some time.

Yoji said nothing and didn’t stand with them. Aya was no longer so stupid as to take his silence for assent.

If he hadn’t wasted his time trying to reason with Yoji....

******************************************************

They all had their pre-battle preparations, their own ways of readying themselves. They each spent the time alone.

Yoji drank his wine--wine of forgetfulness, what a joke--and wondered what he would do when the time came. He wanted what Mayumi offered, the clean slate and peace of mind, but Aya would sneer that he wanted the lack of responsibility for his own actions.

Weiß wanted her dead. Aya would especially want her dead.

Yoji had noticed Asami-sensei. Cute, bright kid. Hard to miss her following Aya around like a puppy. He doubted that Aya had been interested in her sexually, but maybe he’d seen a little sister in her, one who hadn’t been touched by the dirty politics and evil games of the Takatoris. She could have been Aya-chan without the years of coma interrupting her life.

Even if Aya didn’t see her that way, he no doubt felt guilty for her death, and a guilty Aya lost all sense of proportion. He threw katanas at helicopters and himself into gunfire. He didn’t stop coming at you until you forced him to stop.

Yoji didn’t want to have to do that, but he might not have a choice.

If the team knew what he was thinking they wouldn’t let him come. They’d just kill Mayumi, and he couldn’t let that happen because he needed the oblivion and absolution she offered. Could he possibly make Aya see that?

******************************************************

His Fujimiya-sensei... _costume_ was on the bed next to Asami-sensei’s notebook. It hurt to look at them, and he didn’t need them anymore.

Unbound and unbraided, his hair hung to below his waist. Yoji had loved the length, seeing it as a wonderful toy. He would tug on it because he knew Aya enjoyed that, or he would pet it and run it through his fingers and comment on how incredibly soft it was. Aya had let it grow so long just for him, since he sure as hell didn’t know what to do with all of it. He rarely even looked at himself with his hair loose, and it was shocking to see himself in the mirror now. How had it gotten so long? How had so much time passed?

Aya gathered his hair together at the nape of his neck and chopped it off right below there with his katana. The keen edge of the blade cut it in one swing. He felt lightheaded now without the weight.

Thankfully, it would all be over soon.

******************************************************

Shimojima actually had a speech for them when they arrived, blathering on about the futility of truth and justice. Why did these people think Aya had the time or inclination to argue philosophy with them? He’d come to fight. Mindful of Yoji standing at his back, Aya sneered and answered, “What boring last words.”

Annoyed, Shimojima loosed the Class Z kids on Weiß. Finally. Aya fought and killed, grateful for targets. He noticed that Yoji was getting his ass kicked and found a sickly satisfaction in that. At least he wasn’t the only person Yoji ignored. He trusted Ken to keep Yoji from getting killed.

Shimojima ranted about his lost reputation, as if Aya gave a fuck. Aya cared more when the man pulled out a gun and decided on him as a target. At this range, Shimojima couldn’t miss.

But then Schwarz’s telekinetic arrived and stopped the bullet, for whatever reason, and destroyed Class Z single-handed while he was at it. Keeping track of who served which side became ever harder. Aya didn’t trust that Nagi destroying Weiß’s opponents meant that the telekinetic served Weiß’s interests.

He didn’t blame Shimojima for blowing his own brains out in the middle of all this. Besides, it stopped the man’s hysterical ravings and made Aya’s life easier.

Omi explained that Nagi was on their side in this, although Nagi then explained that he hadn’t really come to help Weiß. Whatever. Aya hadn’t counted on help and wouldn’t trust it from the Schwarz anyway.

“Are you all right?” Aya asked Yoji.

“Yeah,” Yoji answered.

“Let’s go.” It said something about how bad things had gotten in Weiß that it didn’t shock him all that much to suddenly have Yoji’s wire fly out and loop around his neck from behind. “What are you trying to do?” It had wrapped tightly enough to exert pressure but not enough to cut. Not yet.

“Don’t move!” Yoji said. “I won’t let you go! Retreat!”

Omi hadn’t seen this coming. Omi hadn’t been with them. Thus, Omi yelled, “What’s the matter with you, Yoji?”

“Aya!” Sena shouted, making Aya hope that the boy wouldn’t blunder into the middle of this and get hurt.

Glancing back at Yoji, Aya said, “You should know that if the two of us fight, there’s no way back. One of us will die.”

Ken did some fast patter about Yoji being tired after that mission in Europe. They could take a break after this.... He was very obviously surprised to realize that Yoji wasn’t kidding and asked, “You mean it?”

“I want to be reborn!” Yoji said. “I don’t want to be Weiß. I want to forget everything. I want to start over! There’s nothing worse than now!”

The fool. How could Aya have loved such an idiot? “Do you really think you can escape?” Aya asked. “Do you think it will all be over when the brainwashing makes you forget? Can you feel satisfaction by lying to yourself?”

“Are you looking down on me?”

If you had to ask, Yoji.... If Yoji thought to sway them, this sure as hell wouldn’t do it. Of course Yoji hadn’t said anything until now, because if he had they would have locked him in his room so he couldn’t interfere with the mission just as he was doing now.

“Even if I have to lie to myself... can’t I lie to myself?” Yoji pleaded, sounding broken. “Tell me. Why do we have to bear this pain? I don’t know what I’m fighting for anymore! I don’t want to fight or get killed, betray or be betrayed. I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I’ve had enough!”

“Yoji-kun....” Omi murmured sadly, perhaps in some disbelief. _Now_ he saw what he’d made of the team.

“Do you like it here? Do you like doing these things?” Yoji continued raving. “Tell me! Aya!”

This was the conversation Aya had repeatedly asked him for, and Yoji sprung it on him now, with so much blood spilled and his wire wrapped around Aya’s neck. They had come to this. This was such a waste....

Aya closed his eyes, then opened them, put his blade up, and turned to face Yoji. He felt... pity. Maybe. He couldn’t tell. Yoji’s wire made its creepy creaking sound as he moved.

“Okay, if that’s the way.” Yoji sounded almost satisfied.

He sounded less satisfied as Aya chopped the line and told Omi and the others to go in first and leave Yoji to him. For the lives she’d taken and the greater strain she’d put on Yoji’s sanity, Tuji couldn’t be allowed to escape.

“I won’t let you kill Tuji! I want to be reborn!” Yoji said as he sent his wire flying at Omi, who stared at him in shock. Aya had to deflect it with his katana. Of all of them, he had the best idea of how unstable and self-absorbed Yoji had become.

“Leave. Hurry!” Aya growled at Omi. Sena knew to go, and Ken followed him. “Persia!” he yelled again as Omi stared helplessly at him and Yoji. This time, Omi left.

“Is this your answer?” Yoji asked.

The moron. Forgetting wouldn’t erase their crimes, just their _selves_. It would be committing suicide to allow that bitch to erase their minds. Yoji had to be insane. He couldn’t be talked to.

Let Tuji Mayumi live? After she’d abused and slaughtered countless children and so brutally murdered poor Asami? Why, because Yoji selfishly wanted her to provide a quick fix for his problems? Yoji would forget himself, forget _them_. How lightheaded Aya felt now without his braid provided a perpetual reminder of why this woman should not be allowed to destroy any more lives.

Aya would keep Yoji occupied in the only way that apparently spoke to him now: violence. In his mood, it wouldn’t be a chore to fight Yoji. It would be far harder to try _not_ to kill him.

******************************************************

Yoji should have known that Aya wouldn’t understand. Guilt, the past, and obligation made up the foundations of his sunshine’s life. Without them, he wouldn’t be the same person. He would be happier, but he wouldn’t be the same person.

Mayumi killing Aya’s surrogate little sister hadn’t helped matters either. Aya was angry, hurt, and dangerous. If Yoji could have spoken to Aya earlier, right after it had happened....

But he hadn’t known what to say. He still didn’t.

So they fought. He knew that Aya was stalling him to give the others a chance to get to Mayumi. The ends of Aya’s hair flew as he spun and repelled attacks, and like _hell_ it was coincidence that Aya had chopped off his braid today. Damn it, that beautiful hair gone, as if it had never been there. Suddenly he had some idea of how Aya might have felt when he’d shown up with his hair bleached and cropped.

How did they get here?

Then the world exploded.


	4. "You shouldn't. It's not good for your health."

Aya regained consciousness in the midst of rubble. Unbelievable. This explosion had Crashers’ signature all over it, suggesting that the Takatoris intended to _bury_ Weiß over its refusal to let Esset get away with this. Weiß was only still alive because Crashers apparently still bore Aya enough affection to bend their orders a bit.

But Yoji had escaped. Aya got up and went looking for him. In his state, the idiot shouldn’t be left to roam around alone.

By accident, Aya found a lab, a copy of the boy Touto, and Tuji, which led to a talk with another insane person, Tuji, who thought she was creating people who were closer to God. She’d created the boy. Maybe she and Yoji deserved each other.

To twist the knife, she called him “Fujimiya-sensei.” She offered Aya a memory erasure and eternal life. Didn’t he want that?

No. “You’re like a dead man if you forget your own heart,” he answered her, and he believed that. He also knew that if he refused her, she would try to kill him. Good. It would be easier to kill _her_ that way.

******************************************************

“A dead man?” Yoji murmured as he watched.

He understood better now. The memory erasure Yoji wanted would be like a suicide. Asuka agreed when he saw her and heard her. She wanted him to live, and as long as he lived and remembered her she would live too. Killing his memories would kill her completely.

He watched Mayumi fight Aya with her enhanced speed and felt his heart wrench. His heart still lived. He knew what he had to do.

He flung out his wire to catch her arm. “Leave her to me,” he told Aya.

“Yoji!” Aya said.

“Asuka’s still alive. I can’t get killed here.”

“Yoji.” Aya sounded... odd on that one.

“I can’t die here. I want to live, but I can’t move on until I settle this matter. You go first!”

He saw hope on his sunshine’s face for the first time in a very long time. “Don’t you die, Yoji!” Aya yelled as he ran to help the others.

“You want to give up the new you for that poor woman?” Mayumi asked. Of course she’d researched him and found out about Asuka, the better to twist and turn him against the others. But he felt clear now, finally.

Too bad Mayumi was beating the shit out of him.

******************************************************

Epitaph was Sena’s mother. Omi said that the boy had run off to face her. Could Sena possibly stand a chance against her? Aya didn’t think so.

He ran into the room as Kisaragi lifted the gun and fired, and Sena didn’t dodge, just croaked out, “Mother,” and fell to the floor. Aya was too late again.

Kisaragi was a nearly mindless pawn in Esset’s hands. She hadn’t recognized her own child until Aya told her what she’d done. While she screamed, distracted by her horror, he crouched beside Sena and held him to his chest. With the way the boy was bleeding out he wouldn’t last long.

Sena weakly reached for him. “Aya....”

He grabbed that hand and held it, trying to hold him to life. “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry... Aya.... I couldn’t... stop my mother....”

“Sena....”

“Mother....” Then Sena died, with tears in his eyes.

Why was he always seconds too late! Why did he keep failing?

Why the hell did he keep caring about people when they kept dying afterward?

******************************************************

Kudou Yoji was having his last, big noble scene. Only now instead of Mayumi kicking his ass, she had her telekinetic creation do it from across the room. No wonder Aya thought he was a moron.

That was what Yoji thought too when he hit the wall and blacked out.

******************************************************

Aya composed Sena’s corpse and knelt beside it, trying not to think. When he first heard the words “Kill me,” he thought they were only inside his mind, but actually it was Sena’s mother begging for that mercy.

But then he finally heard Epitaph reveal itself and take control of Kisaragi Fumie’s body again. Sena had died thinking his mother had killed him and his family, but she’d actually been nothing more than a puppet.

Aya approached her, vaguely feeling the sting of a bullet rip his shoulder and another graze his face, then stabbed her, saying, “May you rest in peace. I’ll carry your sins.” And she thanked him and went to lie down and die near her son.

By now, it didn’t even seem strange anymore.

When Epitaph revealed itself to be a huge computer, _that_ seemed strange.

Ken and Omi showed up in time for Tuji and her Touto copy to appear. As she double-crossed Epitaph to try to take its power for herself, the Touto double telekinetically kicked their asses.

Damn it, Aya felt tired, but more than that he wanted to end this. Weiß gave one of their “we will finish this mission because we are Weiß” speeches, all three of them, piece by piece. It almost warmed him. Then they were thrown across the room and brutalized again, which stopped him from feeling much aside from pain for a while. Had there been another explosion too?

Ken grabbed Touto and told Aya to stab them both, to end this. Touto couldn’t escape or throw Ken off if Aya moved quickly. Ken trusted him.... So he moved quickly, fighting through his own pain, refusing to think about what he was doing, trying not to hear Ken’s cry of pain as his katana went through him. Aya could only hope that he’d calculated the stroke well enough to only injure Ken while dealing a mortal blow to the man-made monstrosity he held.

Fortunately, badly wounded, the boy couldn’t survive the forces he usually wielded, ending one threat. At Ken’s word, Aya left Ken and Omi to destroy Epitaph while he went to finish off Tuji and find Yoji.

******************************************************

How nice of Mayumi to come running back in here for Yoji to finish her, since he could hardly go running around with the broken leg her boytoy had given him. It felt so satisfying to wrap his wire around her neck and destroy her data.

Then she had to start kicking his ass again. He was really getting tired of that. He heard Aya yell his name and the word “Catch!” moments before a katana flew past to embed itself nearby. Crazy sunshine didn’t know that katanas weren’t meant to be thrown. Thank God. Yoji grabbed it by the hilt and slashed Mayumi, enjoying the look of shock on her face as she died, killed by tag team.

Katana in hand, Yoji crumpled and stared at Weiß, who were too far away and separated from him by too much rubble, with more rubble coming down from more explosions all the time. Ken looked like he’d taken a bad hit, while Aya’s face had been grazed. “You leave first!” Yoji yelled to them.

“We can’t leave you behind!” Omi yelled back, obviously on the edge of tears.

“Are you crying again, Omi? I’ll catch up with you soon.”

They all knew he was lying. “We’ll go back together,” Ken said. The masochistic nut.

“Yeah! Go back together,” Yoji answered, knowing that Omi would make sure Ken got out. “Aya, I’ll have to return this blade to you. I will go back. Our place is the only place I can go back to.”

He heard Omi and Ken say his name but Aya only looked at him. You could see Aya’s emotions around his eyes and mouth.

“I’m Weiß,” Yoji told him.

His sunshine was nearly smiling, nearly crying. “We’ll wait for you,” Aya said, while his expression, perfectly readable, said, “Welcome back, Yoji.”

He’d done it right at last. Damn it, he’d wasted so much time, pissed it away.... He had to live. He had so much to make up for.

Then the ceiling fell.

******************************************************

It took so damned long for the crew to put the fires out. Some of them growled at him that they could do it faster if they didn’t need two people to keep an eye on him to stop him from running into the wreckage. He hadn’t been wise or sneaky. Hell, he hadn’t been sane.

He was barely sane now with Yoji still under that smoking pile, his condition unknown.

Aya ran out there as soon as they let him, his past experience in construction work having given him a little bit of an in with these people. Who could have guessed it would come in handy? It gave him a better idea of what areas were safest to step through and on as he led the crew to the area Yoji had been in, the area they needed to dig into.

Yoji had to be alive. Too many people weren’t.

After a few hours they found Yoji alive but in bad condition and rushed him to a waiting ambulance. Aya’s katana had given its life protecting Yoji from some of the worst of the falling wreckage, giving Yoji a space to survive in. What remained of it couldn’t be used as anything more than a lever. Aya didn’t care. His chest hurt from the lingering terror and new happiness.

Yoji had worked through his personal demons. It had been _Yoji_ at the end, as he used to be. Maybe there would be a chance....

Yoji “died” in the ambulance. Again. A very trusted few of Omi’s Kritiker people took him away somewhere else with Aya. They would be in an isolated hospital under new names. Ironically, they were listed as family to make sure no one would try to stop Aya from seeing him. Omi had been kind enough to make him a near cousin, not a brother.

******************************************************

He put his hand on Yoji’s, looking down at him. Yoji looked so still, lying in bed, living dead. So still.

It had been days. Days and days. A week. Two? Aya didn’t know. He’d stopped keeping track of the dates. The days dragged, minute by minute, each one alike and agonizingly slow. He practically lived in this hospital. He didn’t do or think about anything else. He had no job but this.

Yoji didn’t wake up. Aya had been here before.

Everyone he loved. Everyone Aya loved was gone. He’d failed to save any of them. Except for _her_ , and she only survived because he stayed away from her most of the time.

He’d done this before, been here before. He felt the weight of years, silence, and despair press down on him, and the pain clawing up his throat. He was here again. He couldn’t be here again. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do this again!

Like a total coward, he ran, but if he stayed he would snap, whereas now he just felt his sanity bending. He could deal with bending; he’d dealt with bending before.

He needed to see her to assure himself that she wasn’t still and living dead in a hospital bed herself. What time was it? He didn’t know.

He wandered the streets. Omi... Mamoru had said to disappear for a bit. The Koua mission had been Omi’s last, and now only Takatori Mamoru existed. The members of Weiß would be declared dead to Kritiker and the world. Mamoru would keep in touch with him privately. It was as close to free as he’d get, short of death.

He had to call in and tell Mamoru about Yoji. Subtly.

When Mamoru answered the phone, Aya couldn’t say anything for at least a minute, just breathe and listen to him breathe. Finally, Mamoru asked, “How is he?”

“He’s still....” His throat thickened to nearly choke him. “I couldn’t stay with him anymore.”

“I understand. You did what you could. I’ll make sure he’s taken care of.” Mamoru sent waves of sympathy over the phone, and he grasped at them even though he didn’t deserve them. “You know that you can’t see her.”

What? It was only sense for him to keep away from her--he hadn’t even called her during his vigil with Yoji because she would hear how close he was to snapping--but now that he was told he couldn’t he needed to see her. “I have to.”

“You know why you can’t.”

Fujimiya Aya, pseudo-teacher, assassin, was dead. He couldn’t stay dead if he showed up to see his sister. It would put her in danger too. Unable to help himself, he made a sound.

“She’s fine. She’s awake,” Mamoru said. She’s alive. “I’ll make sure she stays that way. You know I will.”

“Yes.” Even if he had nothing left, she would be safe. She had to be. Nothing he’d done or lost meant anything otherwise.

“Go to bed.” Meaning, “get another hotel room and don’t leave a paper trail,” since home didn’t exist anymore. Then, unexpectedly, “I love you.”

He thought of Asami, Sena, Kyo, Yoji. “You shouldn’t. It’s not good for your health.” Then he hung up the phone.

******************************************************

Mamoru set the phone down on the receiver and stared at his fish for a while. Aya had not sounded good, and why should he? He was living his worst nightmare version 2.0. Everything his friends and loved ones had done to help him be a more open, happier person had led to him losing everything again. He had a loved one in a coma and lost his sister again. Asami and Sena had been murdered.

Had Aya meant that love wasn’t good for one’s health or that loving _him_ wasn’t good for one’s health?

For Aya’s own safety, he had to be sent far away. Mamoru hoped that it didn’t turn out to be so far away that he couldn’t save him if he did something rash.

******************************************************

Lying on a bed in a small, cheap hotel room, he stared at the cracks in the ceiling and thought to himself that he should be good at this. He’d spent years being cold and alone, alone even in groups of people, and survived just fine. Aya-chan and Yoji had made him start caring again, and look what happened. He simply had to remember what he used to do.

It seemed so far away.

The next day, when Mamoru came by he told Mamoru that he couldn’t work for the Takatoris but hoped they gave him some happiness and the family he’d always wanted. Although Aya feared this meant a permanent cutting of ties, Mamoru had smiled sadly and set him up with cash, a new paper identity, and new missions in another country, missions that he said would meet Aya’s standards for justice, not the Takatoris’. Funny to be “free” yet still be working as an assassin, but what else did he have the qualifications to do? Teach? Mamoru reaffirmed his promise to look after Aya-chan and Yoji.

Aya had to leave Japan, of course. No one would be looking for him in the United States. Ken would take him to the airport that night.

Mamoru looked at him with such concern, but he met that concern with his old mask. The old mask didn’t fit quite right anymore, but they both ignored that.

Alone, he walked and drowned in the déjà vu, feeling as if years had been cut off his life, taking him back to another time, and not a happier one. He found himself calling Kitten in the House, even though he knew he shouldn’t because it was too dangerous. But he wouldn’t talk on the phone; he’d just listen to her answer, breathe, and try to entice him to speak. And he did simply listen. Shit, she must think he was an obscene phone caller.

But then she asked, “Ran? Big Brother, is that you?”

He should have known she’d know. Maybe he _had_ known.

She continued, “I heard about Asa--”

Oh, God, Asami. At least Aya had some small idea of what was driving him. “I can’t,” he answered. “I have to go.” He hoped she got a sense that he’d have to go far away, because he couldn’t say that. “It’s not safe.”

“I-- All right. Take care of yourself.” She knew.

“Be happy with your life, Aya.” Then he hung up the phone.

Calling her may have been stupid, but it also helped him. He felt more distant now, more centered, with some of his affairs in order.

Ken obviously wasn’t so lucky, because he seemed to be struggling with himself during the drive to the airport and later in the terminal. If he had something to say, he should just say it, but maybe he didn’t know what he wanted. It was painful to watch Ken struggling to say goodbye or something as his fists clenched and he looked away. Painful to remember thrusting his katana into Ken’s body. At least the wound seemed to be healing. That made him want to give Ken more of a chance, but Ken just stood there, wordless, looking somewhere else.

He didn’t have time for Ken, not with the plane boarding. He gave him one last look then walked away. Ken didn’t even notice him leaving.

******************************************************

Everything had already been set up for him in New York City. He had an identity, apartment, and new weapons. An assignment waited for him. It didn’t take him long to warm to the steel needles, although he preferred to be very close to his victim when he killed with them instead of using them as projectiles from a distance. He’d always needed to be close and _feel_ the strikes.


	5. "Keeping to yourself makes you conspicuous."

“Hi,” Mamoru said. Funny that Aya had to leave the country to get a closer relationship with him again. “He woke up.” Good of him to immediately impart the important information.

Aya’s fingers clenched on the phone. There was only one “he” Mamoru could be speaking of. He woke up. Aya had stopped hoping. It had taken years and possibly Esset’s intervention to bring Aya out of _her_ coma. “How is he?”

“He doesn’t remember anything.”

Oh. Fuck. His heart clenched. That was something he’d never thought to worry about with his sister. Yoji’s body walking around without Yoji’s _self_ in it.... Would Yoji have awoken with his memory intact if someone he knew had sat beside him... if Aya had remained faithful to his vigil and _stayed_... during that month and been there when he first opened his eyes? Maybe he would have Yoji back with him right now.

But he was being selfish. This was what Yoji had _wanted_. All that talk about understanding now that he was Weiß, an assassin, had been resignation to something that couldn’t be changed. Except that now it had been changed after all, and Yoji had a clean slate and a second chance. He should be happy for Yoji.

But his mouth tasted like ashes.

“Aya-- Arai?”

Both of those names were his, one by choice and one on paper. He must have wandered far away if Mamoru had been forced to call his real name to bring him back.

How long had he thought of “Aya” as his real name?

“That’s--” What? Great? “I’m glad he woke up. He’s not... damaged, is he?”

“No. He just doesn’t remember anything.”

That wasn’t damaged? “I see.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Do?”

“Do you want me to help him remember?”

There was a question. “No. This is what he wanted. If he remembers on his own, that’s good, but don’t force it. Let’s give him a chance at a normal life.” Aya’s memories ensured that _he_ would be an assassin until he died. “It’s... what he wanted.” Loving people involved sacrificing for them.

“How are you?”

He killed as efficiently as could be expected. He attended masses but never walked inside the church, as if he could expect a pit to open under him if his feet touched hallowed ground, sending him straight to Hell. That might be something to see. What money he had left over after rent, utilities, and food he gave to charity, as if that would wipe the blood from his hands. He needed very little for himself. He still lived in the tiny apartment he’d started out in here, but that was New York City, not martyrdom. Some of the women here found him very attractive, although it seemed that a lot of his glamour faded once they heard his accent. Not that he would get involved with anyone. He was done with people. Last week he’d dreamed of Yoji smiling and saying, “Sunshine, chase me!” while Aya had been unable to catch him no matter how hard and fast he ran. Daily, he hoped to die but, imagining his sister’s reaction, wouldn’t do it by his own hand.

“I’m well. Work’s going well.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No. I have everything I need.” Everything he deserved. “But feel free to call me whenever you want to. Don’t be a stranger.”

******************************************************

“Hi. He got married.”

What? “To whom?” How did a recently hospitalized amnesiac get a wife in a few months? Yes, this was _Yoji_ , even without a memory, but....

“One of his nurses.”

Was it legal to do that? It certainly had to be unhealthy, marrying a woman he’d been utterly dependent on. She’d probably taken the blank slate of Yoji’s mind and rewritten it to her liking, molding him like clay.

He was mixing metaphors. Or similes. He didn’t know.

“Her name is ‘Asuka.’”

He felt a superstitious chill. Of course her name was Asuka.

“Arai?” Mamoru asked.

Right. That was him now, his name. Nobody called him by his name, any of them, lately because he lived utterly alone. His handler just used one of his codenames. “Yes. This was just a surprise.”

“How do you feel?”

Like he wanted to fly back there and rip her heart out to save Yoji. Damn, he could be like a guest on one of those horrible talk shows he turned on sometimes for noise, in a very special episode titled, “My amnesiac husband’s assassin, male ex-lover tried to kill me.” Then there would be makeover tips. No, that was a different show.

Yoji had wanted a normal life, and having a wife was very normal. Yoji had wanted this.

Aya wouldn’t be a selfish bastard. “I’m happy for him,” he answered, even though he knew Mamoru could read between the lines, “and I hope he’s very happy.” Yoji had always wanted an Asuka he could own.

Stop being such a catty bitch.

He felt nothing. He told himself that very sternly. He’d given up his claim when he’d given up his vigil. It didn’t mean anything that he still wore Yoji’s watch.

Mamoru didn’t say anything else on the topic, but somehow he felt that Mamoru was disappointed in him.

******************************************************  
 _“There’s no innocence,  
Only strangers....”_  
  -- “Lost” by VAST  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Be careful on the streets, she’d say. Ryou was always careful. He loved life too much to be reckless. Not that he had anything to be careful of. Nothing ever happened. Still, it was kind of his wife and the neighbors to worry about him.

Asuka loved to show him off to them. Why not? They had the perfect marriage.

He felt a hand at the small of his back. Somebody was trying to do something to him behind his back. He moved, his body responding on instinct as sweetly as he’d trained it to. By the time thought returned he loomed over a man who was kneeling on the sidewalk screaming something about his wrist. “You broke my wrist!”

“You tried to pick my pocket, asshole,” he responded. “You’re lucky I didn’t break your fingers too.” Who was this person using his mouth?

And how did he do that? He didn’t think he could break someone’s wrist if he tried. His head hurt.

The man took one look at his face, jumped to his feet, and ran. That felt... good. As weird as this had been, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this alive.

He was late to work and blew off his supervisor’s whining about it. C’mon, he’d been pickpocketed. Nearly. Would have been if he hadn’t stopped it himself. Then he spent the rest of the day bored, the job he liked suddenly seeming very dull, even duller than selling flowers. At least with the flowers he had girls adoring him.

Where had that thought come from?

******************************************************

“You should get out more. Talk to some people, have some fun. Keeping to yourself makes you conspicuous,” Vito said. “It’s New York City! Well?”

“It _is_ New York City. I doubt anyone notices,” Aya answered. He lived in a basement apartment with its own private entrance. The other tenants only saw him when he picked up his mail.

“Maybe you prefer to keep to your own.”

Aya gritted his teeth. Steven had been a quiet and efficient handler, not the type to waste words or socialize inappropriately with him. He would give assignments or pick up items, then leave. Aya had liked him. Two weeks ago the organization had switched Aya to a new handler. Vito was loud, in love with his own voice, and a bigot besides. He rarely used derogatory labels in front of Aya, but his references to Aya’s “kind” and a few slips suggested that he saw Aya’s efficiency and unsociability as “Oriental” traits. While Aya usually wouldn’t give a damn what the man thought of him or his “people,” Vito would not shut up about that or anything else and never left the apartment until he felt ready to go.

“I know how you people like to be mysterious, but--”

Enough. “Yes, we do,” Aya answered. “We have good reason to be mysterious, and I’ll tell you why.”

******************************************************

Mamoru tried to compose himself as he picked up the phone. This was supposed to be a warning call, slightly disciplinary. “Hi. I heard about today.”

“Yes?” Aya answered.

“Did you really use the phrase ‘secret Oriental arts of death’?” His voice shook. He couldn’t help it.

“I think so.”

“Did you really tell him that you could kill him with your pinky?” They could have this conversation on an open line because no one would believe this....

“My pinky is often involved when I kill. After all, it’s attached to my hand.” Utterly deadpan. “Are you wheezing? You may need more exercise.”

Mamoru lost it. “I’m trying not to laugh.” No one had realized Aya _had_ a sense of humor until Aya-chan and Yoji had helped him set it loose. “Your... pinky.”

“Are you doubting the power of my pinky?”

“He doesn’t want to work with you anymore.”

“My pinky?”

“Vito.”

“That’s a shame.” Sarcasm darkened the words.

“I didn’t know he was a bigot.”

“It wouldn’t have been such a problem if he hadn’t been such a talkative bigot.”

And there was the problem. Aya’s last handler had been perfection itself, but Mamoru wanted Aya to have someone who would bring him out of his shell a bit. Aya didn’t seem to talk to anyone in New York City, but he was forced to interact with a handler. Mamoru had heard that Vito was friendly and gregarious.

He’d thought that Aya was just being overdramatic during his first call about Vito when he’d asked if Mamoru were punishing him. Aya tended toward melodrama.

“You would help me better by giving me Steven again.” Aya had seen right through him.

“All right, Arai.” Dammit. It looked more and more as if he’d made a mistake in sending Aya away, but he couldn’t call him back without Aya making assumptions about the reasons why. Correct assumptions.

It was a shame that Vito absolutely refused to go anywhere near Aya now, because this was the liveliest Mamoru had heard Aya sound in a long time.

******************************************************  
 _“I need a summer but the summer’s come and gone.  
I need a summer but it’s winter in my heart....”_  
  -- “Winter in My Heart” by VAST  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aya walked as he always did, down crowded streets where he could be completely alone and unknown. New York City or Tokyo, cities had some things in common.

The Christmas season had mellowed the faces of the people here, and he saw so many smiles, so much family. They reminded him of the children at St. Patrick’s who’d thanked him for the blood money that improved their lives. They reminded him of Sena and of how Asami had smiled so brightly.

No matter how far he ran, his ghosts followed him. With how unreal he felt, he might as well be a ghost himself.

A sudden, deep pain exploded in his gut, and the child who’d bumped into him ran on and was quickly swallowed by the crowd. He put his hand down and felt something hard protruding from his body, a hilt. If he hadn’t been wearing gloves, he would have immediately felt the hot slickness of blood. It slowly seeped through the fingers.

He’d been expecting this for so long that it felt like an anticlimax, maybe even a relief since he wouldn’t have to wait any longer.

It started to snow. He loved snow.

He walked--it was his reaction to pain--and as he walked he felt lighter and lighter, although the pain didn’t stop. He remembered that one, perfect day with Omi, Ken, and Yoji and Omi’s silly little dream of the four of them selling flowers out of a car. Out of a _car_. They’d nearly killed one another doing that out of a trailer, feeling _that_ to be too cramped. “I hate this fucking trailer,” right? But Omi’s dream hadn’t been about reality, it had been about camaraderie, about loving the three of them. Why hadn’t he seen it then? Why hadn’t he just played along, like the others had, instead of staying silent and apart? He never understood these things until later....

He saw it now. He would tell Omi that he would love to, because he loved them too. It would be wonderful. They were waiting for him.

He slid down into darkness, wrapped in one, perfect day....

******************************************************  
 _“I know that I am someone no one said I was,  
No one said I was, no one said I was  
Thrown away, have I been thrown away?”_  
  -- “Thrown Away ( _Nude_ version)” by VAST  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Asuka didn’t argue with him, ever, and it drove him insane. Sometimes Ryou took positions on things he didn’t even believe in, picking fights, just to get some fire out of her. She just looked at him like a confused puppy he’d kicked, and he’d apologize. She didn’t know how to deal with sarcasm from him and definitely couldn’t be sarcastic enough back at him. She had no fire in her. How could Asuka have no fire in her? And he would _kill_ for even a hint of redheaded temper.

And where the hell had that thought come from?

Sometimes he wanted a smoke so badly, but he didn’t smoke. He thought it was a disgusting habit. If he put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it, he choked, yet some parts of his body remembered it and had the motions down.

His life, the life he’d liked only recently, had taken a bizarre left turn. His job bored him. His coworkers annoyed him. They didn’t like his attitude lately. His neighbors? Don’t get him started. Though some of the women and a few of the men were cute.... He wasn’t into men. His marriage might be crumbling, and why not? He wasn’t always the man Asuka had married.

The man Asuka had married was a lobotomized puss. Shouldn’t there be a law against nurses being able to marry the helpless patients they’d cared for who’d become dependent on them? It had to be close to Stockholm syndrome or something.

No, she was a sweet, loving girl. He was just two men living in one body. Two men who hated one another.

He was losing his mind.

God, then there were the visions. How could he possibly tell her about the visions, flashbacks, whatever the hell they were? He _lived_ in those visions, feeling everything so keenly: love, hate, pain, camaraderie. They felt so much more vivid than his own life. He _killed_ in those visions. Maybe being a killer explained the weird thin scars on his fingers and palms. How could he tell her about the killing? He had either been a murderer or he _was now_ a nutcase. And there were so many women and men. Had he been a whore as well as a killer? That might explain why he had the word “Sin” tattooed on his arm. Asuka couldn’t read the English, so she didn’t realize.

When you gonna learn....

Then there was the redhead, either versions of him: crimson short-haired and punkish or auburn long-haired and deep. That eye color couldn’t be for real, but the visions of him had too much detail to be made up. If these were flashbacks, if they had happened, how could he have forgotten the redhead? How could he have lost him? That must be where the redheaded temper thoughts came from, because the pretty, proud man looked like he could be hellfire to deal with. But rewarding once won and so sweet to fuck, and he had his moments....

He needed a smoke. No, he didn’t.

He was losing his mind.

******************************************************

Aya awoke feeling like hell. His heavy eyelids attempted to flutter but seemed to be glued together. Someone breathed softly into his ear, “Aya?”

Someone who knew him leaned over him. He wasn’t alone here. He managed to open his eyes and asked, trying to confirm, “Ken?” His voice sounded rusty from disuse.

Ken smiled, looking a lot like the person he used to be and very dear. In Japanese, he said, “You know, when you get stabbed you’re supposed to get medical help, not walk around cradling the knife hilt like it’s a baby. You left a blood trail three blocks long. You’re smarter than that, Arai.”

He’d been saved, despite his best efforts, and he was in a hospital. He hated hospitals, but not so much right now. Even though he hurt so badly, he was happy to be alive. “I’ve been very slow lately. How long...?”

“Three days. You’re lucky to be alive. You just look like shit right now.”

“It wasn’t a robbery.”

“Somehow we got that. You wanna go back?”

“Home?” His apartment wasn’t home.

“ _Home_. For a little while at least.”

Japan. “Fuck, yes.”

Ken smiled again. “Then we’ll go as soon as they release you. Our little brother was worried about how you’ve been sounding lately. He wants to get you home.”

Little-- Omi. Mamoru. “I was having a bad time, but I... really want to live right now.”

“Let’s stay with that. It’s funny. For a while, I was trying to get to where you were, but you made it to where I am.”

“I’m a little doped up. Would that have made sense to me if I were sober?”

“Not in a million years.”

“I’m glad it’s not my fault.”

“Not as much is as you’d like to think.”

That was nice of him to say. Aya didn’t quite believe it, but he wanted to.

Ken stayed with him throughout visiting hours for his whole stay in the hospital. If Ken hadn’t shown up as Aya’s brother, the nurses might have started to talk about them.

******************************************************

On Ryou’s walk to his increasingly annoying job, a memory struck him when he saw some kids playing. In his memory, the redhead and a dark-haired girl walked together, seemingly with him following behind them, when the girl said, “Fight me!”

“I only taught you that for self-defense,” the redhead answered, then swatted at Ryou when he tugged on the end of that short, dark red braid.

So Ryou had a hair fetish. Deal with it. Though he knew that if he tugged on his lover’s sister’s hair, he’d have maybe three seconds to live. “She wants to play.”

“Yeah!” the girl said. “Put aside the Jedi master stuff. I just want to have a little fun.” She smacked the redhead’s arm repeatedly, taunting, until he struck back. Grinning, they fought for play, but anyone could see that it was a domesticated kitten against a tolerant tiger. She finally ended up in a headlock.

“Help me!” she yelled as she swung her arms, while her brother smirked and rubbed the top of her head.

“I’m not getting involved,” Ryou said. “He has ways to punish me.”

Damn, Ryou nearly had tears in his eyes right now remembering, especially since part of him knew that the good times hadn’t lasted because he’d screwed things up somehow. But this proved that his life hadn’t been all bad, didn’t it?


	6. "I was an ass, but he loves me."

As Aya sat in the passenger’s seat, he tried not to pass out from the pain. He’d been stabbed six days ago. A little ride after a long flight shouldn’t be hurting him like this. He used to recover from these things faster, he could swear. Getting old, Aya....

It wasn’t something he’d ever had to worry about.

“Do you need your pain medication?” Ken asked as he drove.

“No. Why are we stopping? Is this where you live now?” It looked so... bourgeois.

“Nope. This is where Yoji lives.”

His joy in being back in Japan curdled. “Get us out of here!”

“Yoji’s at work. Dressed up in his salaryman’s suit.... Don’t you want a glimpse of the normal life he wanted so badly?”

No. He didn’t. It would just remind him of things he couldn’t have. “I’m not interested.”

Ken parked the car. “He can’t see you if he’s not here. C’mon, Aya, aren’t you curious?”

“How long do you intend to stay parked here?”

“Until after you get out and take a look.”

“If I weren’t tired and injured, I would kill you.”

Ken smiled. “Like old times. Good times.”

“You’re a freak.” Aya rested his hand over his middle as he moved to get out of the car. It probably didn’t actually help, but “holding himself together” did something for him psychologically. “Which building is his? They all look alike.”

“This one.”

Resembling all the apartment buildings around it, it told absolutely nothing about the person Yoji had become. Then again, maybe it did, just by its very bland anonymity. The thought depressed him. Yoji damn well better be happy.

******************************************************

Ryou walked home from his job, glad to have finished another day. To think, he used to enjoy his work. He must have been insane.

The two people standing outside his building looked familiar. He _knew_ the brown-haired man, and the person standing beside him.... His heart skipped. The hair was a redder auburn now, but only one person in the whole world could possibly have that face, those eyes. Around the eyes and mouth... the redhead looked hurt and mournful, lost.

Maybe they hadn’t abandoned him by choice.

They were real. He still couldn’t find their names in his memory, but they were real. He wasn’t crazy.

Was it better to be sane and a killer whore? Maybe, if being one made him feel so much.

They were leaving. The redhead turned and walked toward a car.

They couldn’t go. He couldn’t allow it.

He started to run, his work shoes sliding a little. Damned impractical things. The redhead turned to see him and looked shocked. Ryou grabbed him and was surprised himself when he gasped out, “Sunshine!” as he hugged his visitor. Why couldn’t he remember a name? But that had to be a pet name.

The redhead flinched then relaxed as he shifted his grip. Bulkiness around the waist? Bandages. Sorry, sunshine. Then his sunshine relaxed within the circle of his arms, melting, and sighed in a soft deep voice, “Yoji.”

It hit him between the eyes. Yes! He was Kudou Yoji! And this was... Aya. Aya who had another name Yoji couldn’t remember, but it didn’t matter, not now, not when he had a real name and his body _knew_ Aya and fitted around him with the perfection of experience. Familiar body. He could feel Aya’s heart pounding. “Aya....”

Aya shivered and rubbed his head against the side of Yoji’s face. “Missed you.” Yoji didn’t remember all that much, but he knew how rare and valuable that admission was.

And the brown-haired man looked really smug.

Yoji briefly wondered what the neighbors thought of that nice Mr. Itou wrapping himself around a strange man in public. Fuck it. Maybe Aya had thought of that too, because he started to stiffen a little. Decorum, or maybe a need to be seen as strong. Maybe both. Very Aya.

Aya pulled away and said, “We shouldn’t talk outside.”

Yoji had called that reaction perfectly. Damn, it felt good.

“We can go to the hotel,” the other guy said. Yoji really should remember his name or at least find it out somehow.

“My wife won’t be home for a while. I should leave a note,” Yoji said and couldn’t help noticing the way Aya twitched a little. “Wait for me.” He didn’t really think they would leave, but still....

******************************************************

“It looks like he remembers you,” Ken said, smirking. “He’s glad to see you too.”

“Yes,” Aya murmured, still in shock. It had been Yoji but not quite Yoji. So glad to see them, to see _him_.... He’d stayed away in the belief that Yoji was happier without him. How long had he been wrong?

It was so weird to see Yoji in a salaryman’s suit.

“He let his hair grow out a bit.”

“It’s still too short.”

“But now it’s not bleached anymore.”

Aya had missed its true honey shade, so it made him smile to see it back now. “Yeah. Can you look a little less satisfied?”

“I love to do good deeds,” Ken said, obviously unrepentant. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re in pain.”

“It’s just Yoji.”

“You know I meant your wound.”

“It’s not bad enough to justify more painkillers.”

“You’re about due.”

“I need my wits about me.” As much as they ever were while he was around Yoji.

Yoji’s eyes nearly sparkled with excitement as he came back. “I left a note. Let’s go somewhere. I haven’t seen you guys in... I don’t know.”

“Too long,” Ken said.

Something about the way Yoji watched Ken made Aya say, “That’s Ken.”

“Fuck. Was I that obvious?” Yoji asked.

“Aya you remember,” Ken said. Aya was going to smack the smirk off his face soon.

“He’s going to kill you, Ken,” Yoji said.

“The injury slows him down. I’m not helpless either.” Ken opened the back door of his car. “Get in. Both of you.”

Aya would kill him later.

“But Yoji first!” Ken said. “We don’t want to force Aya to scoot over in his condition.”

Death.

“Right.” Yoji smiled, got inside, and scooted over.

“Your turn,” Ken said.

“I’ll sit in the front,” Aya said. He didn’t want to be in the backseat with Yoji-who-wasn’t-quite-Yoji. Who knew what would happen? Aya had no self-control around any Yoji.

It put such a sad look on Yoji’s face. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

Shit. Aya eased into the backseat of the car, which hurt more than it should. He had no patience with injuries. “It’s nothing about you, Yoji. It’s me.” He winced when Ken slammed the door shut.

“Sorry, Aya. Hey, Yoji, we’ll take you to our hotel room to talk.”

“That’s fine.” Yoji looked so hopeful, so young. Like a puppy. It hurt to watch him.

Fortunately, Yoji didn’t talk any more during the drive. It let Aya put his head back against the seat and drift a little. Stupid to feel more secure sitting next to him.

******************************************************  
 _“Oh, my lover, on a long, long empty road.  
Oh, sweet lover, I got lost.   
I need to get back home....”_  
  -- “Lost” by VAST  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aya looked so uncomfortable sitting near him. It made Yoji wonder why they’d stayed away from him and if they wanted to keep things from him. Then again, Aya looked nearly gray as he dozed, so some of the discomfort might be from his wound. They killed people for a living, and some of those people put up a fight.... He wanted to stroke his sunshine’s hair but didn’t know how Aya would take it.

“We’re here,” Ken said once he’d parked the car.

Aya looked dazed as he half-opened his eyes. Yoji said, “Ken, give him the painkiller.”

“No, I’m fine,” Aya answered. Of course.

Aya let himself out of the car and walked toward the hotel. His pain showed in the stiffness in his walk too. Yoji might not remember everything, but he knew that Aya usually moved with a fluid grace. Yoji shared a look with Ken and wondered if Ken might ask him to hold Aya down as they got some drugs into him.

The thought of holding Aya down took Yoji’s brain to some fun places. He hadn’t been such a pervert not that long ago.

It was good to be back.

Ken waited until they were in the hotel room before he said, “Painkiller time, Aya.”

“I don’t need it.”

“You’ve done a lot of traveling today and put yourself under a lot of strain. Not many people would be able to keep going for so long. Now it’s time for you to take care of yourself so you don’t hurt yourself worse.”

Yoji didn’t remember Ken being so manipulative before. He kept seeing an earnest and sometimes clumsy guy in his head.

Aya shook his head.

“Please, Aya,” Yoji said, “you’re scaring me.”

“I hate you both,” Aya said but put his hand out and dry-swallowed the large pill Ken gave him. Wincing, Yoji got a cup and filled it with water for his sunshine to wash it down with.

“Thank you,” Aya said softly, then struggled out of his coat, _growling_ when Ken reached to help him with it. Then he sat down on one of the beds. Yoji sat down with him but not close enough to crowd him. Ken sat on the bed across from them.

Yoji had so many things he wanted to ask that the questions kept tripping over each other on their way out of his mouth. “I-- Shit.” He took off his salaryman’s suit jacket and tie, then loosened his collar.

“I didn’t expect to be having this talk today,” Aya murmured, looking nearly half-asleep.

“It’s okay,” Ken said, and suddenly Yoji realized that Ken _was_ expecting to have a conversation like this. Son of a bitch. Something was up.

Something Aya didn’t seem to know about either. It made Yoji feel protective.

Well, that and the way Aya seemed to be tilting toward him as he drooped from fatigue and medication. Yoji gently pulled him in to rest against his shoulder. His sunshine only made a token protest before giving in, leaning on him.

“You’re not playing a game with us, are you, Ken?” Yoji asked.

“No. I wanted to see how you were doing. We worried about you, Yoji. Especially Aya.”

That kickstarted the questions. “Then I don’t understand why you guys left me to wake up alone without even properly identifying me to the hospital staff. Everybody was telling me what my name was but I kept feeling that it was wrong. It drove me nuts.”

Aya’s murmur against his shoulder sounded miserable as well as somewhat stoned. Okay, his sunshine hadn’t meant to abandon him. He got that. It gave him a warm feeling. And, damn, Aya must have been out of it to get knocked down this fast.

Ken ran his hand through his already messy brown hair. “Do you remember anything about what happened-- Damn, how do I even say this? I don’t know how much you remember.”

It had to be bad. “Bits and pieces.”

“The organization we worked for wasn’t happy with us. We do what we do in the name of justice, but lately Kritiker hasn’t been as interested in justice if they think it doesn’t support the bottom line. It’s the influence of Grandfather Takatori.”

He felt a visceral reaction to the name “Takatori.” Something to do with Aya.

“Mmm,” Aya mumbled, sounding distressed. Yoji gently moved him to lie down on the bed and set a pillow under his head. He had to stroke his sunshine’s dark red hair in the process. It couldn’t be avoided. Ditto keeping his hand on Aya’s ankle.

Ken continued, “Aya defied them, because they told us to give up the mission before we actually got the people responsible for killing and hurting kids. Then Omi defied his grandfather for the same reason to command the team, which would have landed us in deep shit if we’d survived it. So we didn’t.”

“We’re officially dead?”

“To Kritiker. We’ve been officially dead to society years longer. We couldn’t take you to a Kritiker medical facility, but you don’t legally exist to any others. We couldn’t check you in under your real name.”

“Why didn’t Aya stay with me?” He managed to say that without letting the hurt bleed into his voice. Aya was lying, almost completely knocked out, next to him, and who knew what he might hear in his sleep?

He looked so cute curled up....

“He just about lived in the hospital for two weeks until he almost snapped. Do you remember that Aya’s not his actual name?”

“...yeah. Somehow it seemed right and wrong for him at the same time.” For some reason, he thought of a bubbly, dark-haired girl at that moment. The one from his memory?

“It’s actually his sister’s. His parents were murdered and his sister put into a coma, and he swore revenge. Nobody knows why he searched for it under her name.”

“What’s his name?”

Ken gave him a sad look. “It’s ‘Ran.’ Only his sister still calls him that now.”

Yoji vaguely remembered asking what to call him. “His sister’s awake now?” Then he remembered. Yeah, _that_ memory, the one of Aya and his sister play-fighting.

“Yeah, now. We didn’t find out until much later, but he visited her in the hospital for years, never knowing if she’d wake up.”

“Then he sees me lying there in a hospital bed in the same condition.” Like a returning nightmare. Poor sunshine.

“Plus, we all had to lay low and be dead, Aya even more than the rest of us since our enemies knew exactly who he was. Omi... Mamoru sent him out of the country for his own protection.”

“Didn’t stop him from being stabbed.”

“No. No, it didn’t.” It obviously ate at Ken. “I couldn’t see you because I was locked up. Long story I don’t want to go into.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me about Aya’s stabbing.”

“It just upsets me, that’s all. He’s a friend and I had my own stabbing a while ago, so I know what it’s like.”

“That’s not it. I might not remember everything, but I can still read you.” Yoji knew that Ken had a secret there... and that Ken _wanted_ him to ask.

“It’s nothing.”

“Ken.”

“Aya didn’t go for medical help. He walked for three blocks with a knife in his gut, then quietly collapsed in a way that made it harder for bystanders to realize he was in trouble. He wasn’t exactly suicidal, but apparently he’d stopped caring whether he lived or died. He lost a lot of people he cared about in a really short period of time....”

Yoji had come so close to never even knowing what he’d missed, or, worse, getting his memory back and only then finding out that there would be no opportunity for a second chance ever. Aya had wanted to die? It left a cold, crawling feeling in Yoji’s gut. He should have been there.

He also saw something he hadn’t expected. Ken loved Aya, and not like a friend. The part of him that was the Yoji of old was surprised, because he hadn’t figured Ken went that way, not even after the violent reaction to... that bleached blond guy’s violent death, and surely Yoji of all people would know. The new him suggested that maybe he’d been too close to see it.

Too bad, Ken. Now that Yoji had found Aya again, he didn’t intend to let him slip away. Yoji patted Aya’s ankle.

“Plus, you told us that you wanted to forget everything and live a normal life,” Ken continued. “I won’t lie to you, Yoji.”

“I appreciate that.”

Ken gave him a dirty look then said, “Things had been bad. We did things that weighed on our souls. You can’t blame Aya for thinking that you’d rather have a second chance and not be reminded, since that’s exactly what you said you wanted.”

“Yeah, I can.” Stupid, stubborn, self-martyring bastard....

“Yoji.”

“I could live a normal life as that lost, blank slate guy I became, but not as _me_. I’ve learned the meaning of true boredom.”

“You don’t remember everything yet, do you?”

There could be worse to come, yeah, but he’d lost the good with the bad. “I can’t go back to wearing blinders. Nothing looks the same to me.”

“You’re married.”

“Yeah.” He loved Asuka, and he didn’t. “I’m not the man she married, though. I love her, but I can’t keep on the way I was. I don’t know what to do.”

“Yoji, you and Aya were having some kind of problems before. I don’t think you were even together anymore. You avoided him when we got back from Europe.”

What the hell had happened to break them up? “Nothing that can’t be fixed.”

“Near the end, you wrapped your wire around his throat and told him that Weiß couldn’t terminate our target, who happened to be your girlfriend. Your girlfriend who’d also murdered a woman Aya had seen as a friend.”

Wire? Right, the killing wire. He’d done that? That didn’t look good. “Yeah, but how does he look at me now?” Ken shot him a sour look that made him smile. “I was an ass, but he loves me.”

“That’s pretty much the whole relationship.”

Taking a shot in the dark, Yoji said, “Like he’s always easy to deal with.”

“True.” Score!

“Wait, he and his sister are both ‘Aya’? Doesn’t that get confusing?”

“Sometimes. You can usually tell who’s who by context.”

“You ran into me deliberately today. I can tell. Aya didn’t know you intended to do that. What’s going on, Ken?”

“Look at him.”

Yoji had been trying not to. Didn’t want to seem too obsessed. “So?”

“He’s sleeping peacefully.”

“He’s on drugs.”

“He was on drugs in the hospital too, but he didn’t sleep this well there.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals, so I don’t blame him.”

Ken looked frustrated. “Yoji, you made him miserable sometimes, but he’s even more miserable without you. Mamoru and I decided to force him to see you because he would have stayed away.”

“Because he wanted me to be happy in my new life. You guys _don’t_ want me to be happy in my new life?”

Ken’s frustration gained a tinge of embarrassment. “Mamoru knew that you were starting to get your memories back and weren’t as happy now. He kept tabs on you to keep you safe! You’re a former assassin.”

“You’ve been keeping tabs on me?”

“He’s the head of a major organization.”

“ _How_ is he keeping tabs on me?”

“He has people watching out for you.”

Holy shit. Anyway.... “He couldn’t just have told Aya that he was keeping an eye on me and figured that I was ready to see people from my past?”

“Aya’s paranoid. Doesn’t trust anybody. He might have thought that we’d tell him that to make him show up in front of you and jumpstart your memories.”

“Why would anybody do that?”

“We’re just thinking like Aya might.”

“Was he always like that?”

“For as long as we’ve known him. But you helped loosen and brighten him up. When things were good you made him happy. I think we’re due to be happy again. _He_ is.” Ken’s expression as he said that and the way he looked at Aya....

“You’re in love with Aya, so you toss him at me to make him happy?”

Ken’s mouth opened and closed, then he glared. “It’s not my fault if his taste in men sucks.”

Yoji laughed. He had to. “I swear I’ll work on making Aya happy.”

“If you don’t, I’ll kill you,” Ken answered sweetly.

He could too. Damn.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m going to tell Asuka about tonight. What?”

“Uhm.”

“Ken....”

“Asuka might be okay with all of this. Mamoru picked her for your nurse.”

What? _What_? “Did Mamoru tell her to marry me too?”

“No! He just picked her to be your nurse and give you special attention-- Not like that! She fell in love with you on her own. She went to Mamoru and told him so, then left his payroll because it didn’t feel right to her being on it anymore.”

“So she knows about the assassin stuff?” And he’d killed himself trying to keep his surfacing memories from her.

“Not really. She knows some things, though.”

“Has she been talking to him lately?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s how you knew that my memories are returning. Isn’t she?” Damn it.

“Yeah. You’re not the man she married anymore.”

“No shit.” At some point he’d scooted up on the bed more and put his hand on Aya’s knee, while Aya remained relaxed under it in a way that seemed foreign to his nature. Which was great. Yoji’s hands _knew_ Aya. Yoji was a married man. “Shit, I have to talk to Asuka.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. We’re not working out anymore, even before all this today, but I still.... I have to talk to her.” Waiting would just make it more intimidating.

“I can take you back.”

Aya was totally out of commission. Yoji patted his knee and asked, “He’ll be okay if we leave him a note, right?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, let’s get going.”

While Ken wrote the note, Yoji draped Aya’s trench coat over him. He really needed to leave and talk to Asuka, because he kept wanting to touch Aya. The longer he stayed, the more intense the temptation, especially with Aya looking so snuggly.

Ken put the note on Aya’s pillow near his face, then left with Yoji. “Are you okay?” Ken asked.

“Everything’s crazy,” Yoji answered. “I thought I was crazy, but now it turns out I’m not. Life’s never going to be the same after this. You know, the usual.”

“Would it have been better if we hadn’t contacted you?” Ken looked worried about that.

“No. I’m glad I know. I was going nuts thinking I was going nuts. And Aya almost died without me getting to see him again.”

What _would_ he say to Asuka? It looked like he wouldn’t know until he saw her.

Ken gave him a merry wave as he left the car to talk to her. Yeah, Ken could be cheery. Yoji took a deep breath and walked into the building he’d called home recently.

When he opened the door to their apartment, he saw Asuka waiting for him, looking thoughtful. That could be bad. “Hi. I’m home.” Damn, he felt uncomfortable, and she didn’t look much more comfortable than he felt. Maybe he should just get into it. “Asuka, I saw some people I used to know today. People from before.”

She smiled a little. “I figured something like that from your note. You don’t have any ‘old friends,’ really.”

“I’m remembering who I used to be. Seeing them brought a lot of it back.”

“But it’s been happening for a while now, hasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Yoji ran a hand through his hair. “I’m changing. I don’t know who I am anymore or who I’ll turn into.”

“You haven’t been happy with me.”

“No!”

“I haven’t been happy with you either lately.”

“I mean-- What?” That had been unexpected.

“You’re _not_ the same person.”

Well, yeah. “I’m not exactly the same guy you fell in love with.”

“I probably should have said something earlier, but.... You have a benefactor who put you specifically in my care. He seemed to know who you used to be but wanted you to remember on your own because he thought it would be healthier. I agreed.” Her mouth twisted. “Maybe I shouldn’t have. I was working for him, but I stopped that before I married you. I kept in touch with him afterward from time to time only because he cared about your welfare. I can’t-- I don’t know how to say this.”

Her story went along with Ken’s, but Yoji couldn’t think much about that right now. “Asuka, are you dumping me?”

She let out a breath that could almost be a laugh. “Maybe. Like you said, you’re not the man I fell in love with and you’ll only become less so over time. You’re not happy with me or the life he lived. Are you?”

This killed him. Really it did. Because this made things easier on him, yet.... “I love you, Asuka.” And he felt offended too! But he also wanted to laugh hysterically.

“Thank you, but for how long?” Her smile looked so rueful, so hurt. “Didn’t you come here now to break up with me?”

“I’m not sure what I came here to do, but I definitely didn’t want to leave you in the dark.”

“Was she with them?”

“‘She’ who?”

“The girl you cry out for in your sleep sometimes. Aya.”

Oh, God. “Yeah, I saw Aya today.”

“How is she?”

Yoji made a decision. “He wasn’t doing well. He stayed away for what he thought was my own good.”

She looked shocked, then nodded. “But still missed you. It’s better this way, then. You love him, while you’re drifting away from me. It would rip us apart eventually. It’s better to do this now, when we’re still fond of each other, than later when we’ll be full of resentment.”

“I’ll always love you, Asuka.”

“I love you. Just--”

“Not.”

“Takatori-sama has wealth and influence. There won’t be any trouble with this.”

“What about your friends? What about your life?”

“I’ll be fine.” She had tears in her eyes.

He hugged her, and she hugged back. “You better be.” She really was a wonderful woman. Just not his.

“I’m not throwing you out.”

“Good. I’ll need time to move things. I-- Tell me how to make this easiest on you.”

“We’ll figure it out. You came back to talk to me?”

“You deserve to know what’s going on. I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You’re a good man. You’re just... not him. Not anymore.”

“No.”

“You should go back to them. You must have so many questions you want to ask. You must want to see Aya again.”

“Asuka--”

“Please go.”

He kissed her cheek. “All right.” So he left.

She’d told him the truth about how she’d become his nurse. That was precious... and a bit unexpected. He was getting paranoid. Or had he always been and just remembered it now?

“How did it go?” Ken asked. “Yoji?”

Yoji took a deep breath and swallowed his tears. “Not like I expected. Take me back?”

“Yeah, sure.”

To his relief, Ken didn’t say or ask anything after that until they reached the hotel and Ken said, “I’ll stay somewhere else tonight. Talk to Aya, will you? There are two beds in the room if you guys need to do things that way.”

“Thanks, Ken.” He waved feebly as Ken drove away.

When he turned the light on the hotel room, he saw that Aya hadn’t even moved since he’d left. The note was still on the pillow. He took his shoes off at the door and moved as quietly as possible to let Aya keep sleeping, but when Yoji picked the note up to dispose of it Aya blinked sleepily, so cute, and murmured, “Ken?”

“No, it’s me.”

Aya opened his eyes and quickly sat up, then winced and put his arm over his stomach. The coat that had been draped over him fell to his lap. “You-- Yoji, you’re really....”

“Yeah, it’s me. Not totally the me you knew, but yeah.”

“What did you do?” Aya asked softly.

Yoji dabbed at his face and scowled as he felt wetness on his cheeks. “I talked to Asuka.”

Aya looked horrified. “Please, not the gh-- Your wife. Right.”

“Not my wife anymore.”

The horrified look grew. “Don’t tell me--”

“We’re splitting up. It’s mutual, and it’s been coming for a while. It wasn’t your fault.” Yoji sat next to him.

“I didn’t want to do this to you.”

“Aya! Everybody’s letting go of me for my own good. Don’t do this. Don’t do this....” Feeling Aya slipping away too, Yoji held onto him, finally awkwardly embracing him to his chest.

Aya stiffened, then melted and shook against him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong again....”

He was putting this load onto a man who was injured, tired, and probably still at least half-stoned on pain meds. “No, sunshine, I’m not blaming you. I’m not. I screwed things up too. I don’t even know the full extent of how much yet, but just what I’ve heard is enough. Just don’t leave me, okay?”

“I... wanted to die but I didn’t have the courage to end it.”

Fuck! “Don’t! Be a coward for me!”

Aya laughed a little. Or choked. “It’s really you.”

“It’s really me.” Yoji rocked him and petted his hair. It felt as soft as it looked.

This was real. His redhead in his arms, damaged but alive. _He_ was sane and alive.

“It hasn’t been you in such a long time,” Aya said softly.

“I know.”

“No. No, you have no idea.”

Yoji recalled a memory shard of him slinging his killing wire around Aya’s neck. “I’m working on it.”

“I don’t--”

“Ken said that we were a mess near the end. I swear to you that if I start remembering that I won’t let myself go there again.”

“I wasn’t enough for you. I knew I wouldn’t be, but I can’t... again.”

Fuck. What kind of asshole had Yoji been? “We’re tired and emotional. Let’s not do this now. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Let’s sleep. I won’t go anywhere, and you won’t go anywhere.”

“Okay.”

Yoji got up and took Aya’s boots off for him. That Aya still had them on and let him do it without an argument showed how fucked up he felt. Yoji took off his coat and belt and settled in under the covers next to his sunshine. He wanted to rest his arm over Aya’s middle but remembered the wound.

“Good night,” Yoji said. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Aya shook a little at that, then took a deep breath and obviously tried to relax. Eventually Yoji felt him fall asleep.


	7. "I don't take pity."

Aya woke up with someone lying comfortably next to him, which confused the hell out of him. He carefully turned over and found himself face to face with Yoji, a Yoji who looked like some halfway stage between the Yoji he’d loved and the bleached blond gigolo who’d taken his place. Remembering last night through a kind of haze, he knew that Yoji had sworn to stick around, but right now he couldn’t believe it. His mind was a roiling mess, and he couldn’t lie around waiting for him to wake up, nor could he wake him up when Yoji had gone through such a tiring and traumatic day.

******************************************************

He woke up alone. “Asuka?” he murmured. Then it all came crashing back on him. He was Yoji. He’d soon be an unmarried man. The redhead had come back to him.

So where _was_ Aya?

Worried, almost panicked, Yoji sat up. At the end of the hotel room, looking beautiful but dangerous, Aya paced slowly through the steps of some kata, but instead of his katana he wielded what looked like large, long steel needles, sometimes twirling and angling them with incredible dexterity. He had more of them in black armbands on his upper arms, having rolled up the sleeves of his T-shirt to leave them exposed. This moment hit Yoji with a pang of familiarity, but it was tinged with wrongness.

“What happened to your katana?” Yoji asked. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Aya practiced with the needles because using the sword would strain his gut wound too much.

Aya _jumped_ , obviously surprised, then put a shaky, small smile on his face and faced Yoji. “It saved your life. When the roof came down on you, it took some of the weight and created a small space for you. It wasn’t good for much after that.”

Yoji winced, imagining what it must have looked like when Aya had found him. “I’m sorry.”

“It saved your life.”

“But you use a katana. You must have gotten a new one.”

“It’s not my only weapon.”

Yeah, Aya was a good shot with a gun too, Yoji remembered, but something in Yoji hated the needles. You’d have to get very close to your prey to kill with them. And the katana had been a warrior’s weapon. These needles... belonged to a killer. “I know. But you must have gotten a new one.”

Aya’s expression closed. “I didn’t.”

Okay, Aya was punishing himself. He needed a katana. Yoji swore to get him one. “All right.”

Aya wore a T-shirt and sweatpants now, making Yoji wonder if he’d showered yet. It made Yoji feel even grubbier having slept in what now seemed like a costume instead of something he’d actually wear. During his scene with Asuka he hadn’t thought of packing anything, so he’d have to get back into these clothes after he showered, which didn’t sound appetizing at all.

“You’re up early,” Aya said.

“I always get up around now for work.” Oh shit. What the hell was he going to do about that?

“Call in sick today and think about what you’ll do next.”

“Was I that obvious?”

“You show your thoughts more....”

Than Yoji used to. Was that a good or bad thing?

Yoji called work to tell them that he had the flu, then put the phone down and said to Aya, “Come over here.”

“I don’t take your orders,” Aya answered with a tiny smile. Playful.

“Take pity on me.”

“I don’t take pity.”

“You’re going to make me get up, aren’t you?”

“I’m not making you do anything.”

It made Yoji smile and get up. Standing near Aya, he faintly smelled the tang of Aya’s sweat, which stirred memories and went straight to his cock. Observing proper weapon safety at all times, Aya put the needles into the armband sheathes. Sunlight coming in at the edge of the curtains left a shining, fiery stripe in his red hair.

If he didn’t touch Aya he would die.

“Yoji,” Aya said softly in protest, but he still pressed his face into Yoji’s cradling hand.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted you. I didn’t even know whether you were real or not.... I’m an unmarried man now.” Literally. He’d been married, then last night he’d been _un_ married. “I wanted to touch you for so long without knowing what it was I wanted. Now you’re here, and I know what I needed, and I can’t stand not being able to do anything with it.”

“‘It’?”

“You know what I mean.”

“You don’t remember enough. You don’t remember why we broke up. You’re working off an incomplete picture of me, of us.”

“You’re killing me.”

“If you think _this_ is killing you, you obviously don’t remember enough.” Aya moved away from Yoji and retreated to the bathroom. The shower turning on somehow sounded very emphatic.

“Dammit,” Yoji murmured then had to smile at himself. Had he expected his sunshine _not_ to be difficult?

Someone knocked at the door. Yoji used the peephole to see who it was, then let Ken in. He might as well, since Aya wasn’t being friendly. Something about the way Ken looked at him and then around the room made Yoji say, “We didn’t have sex.”

“What? I’d never ask!”

“You were wondering. I could tell.”

“No!” But then Ken said, “Aya said no to it, I’ll bet.” He looked relieved.

“You suck, Kenken.”

“No, I don’t. A man who sucked wouldn’t bring you clothes. We kept your stuff for you.”

Yoji took two suitcases from him. “This is better, but it’ll take more than this.” Then he looked at some of the clothing. “This stuff shrunk in the wash, right?”

“Nope.”

“Did I ever eat?” He really must have been a gigolo. What other guy showed that much skin?

“You lived off cigarettes and air,” Aya said as he left the bathroom, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. Alas, he was fully dressed. That had been some fast shower. Yoji preferred to take more time.

“I scare myself.”

Smirking, Ken said, “You used to have even more skimpier clothing than this, but our home blowing up a few times destroyed them.”

Shaking his head, Yoji brought the bag of... Yoji’s clothes along with his own clothes into the bathroom with him and tried the new stuff on after his shower. None of the pants fit, no matter how much he struggled with the fly. He was not _fat_ , dammit. Finally, defeated, he put his own rumpled pants back on and paired them with a sweater that covered him decently.

When Yoji walked out, Aya and Ken both shot him amused looks that said they knew full well that he wore what he did because he couldn’t fit into the pants. “Aya, you rejected me because I’m fat, right?” Yoji asked, joking.

Aya snorted. “I used to worry you’d blow away in the wind, especially near the end. You can stand to have more weight.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“You used to try to feed me.”

Not remembering that put Yoji that much farther away from getting to touch Aya again, he could tell. Damn.

“Mamoru wants to see us,” Ken said.

Good. Yoji would like to see him too. “Where do we go?”

“He has to meet us in secret. We’re dead and all.”

“I’m fine with that. Fine with the secret thing, not so much the dead thing, which still sounds bad.”

“I’m not fine,” Aya said, “but I’ll go along with it to see him.” As he passed Yoji on his way out the door, he murmured, “I don’t think you’re fat... honey.”

******************************************************

Ken drove them to a small, private home outside of Tokyo. It worried Aya that Ken knew so much while he knew nothing, especially as it became ever more apparent that his meeting with Yoji had been set up. He hated being maneuvered around like a pawn.

Yoji sat next to him in the backseat of the car and walked at his side as they entered the home. It felt good and surreal to have him there, lending a further dreamlike quality to the day. Aya couldn’t wait to get off painkillers, since his hold on reality tended to be strained enough while sober.

In the kitchen, Aya-chan sat at Mamoru’s side until she saw him enter and jumped up to grab him. “Ran!”

This was dangerous having her here! What the hell could Mamoru have been thinking? But it felt so good to hold her that he did it for several minutes, an inappropriately long time. He couldn’t help himself. When he let her go, she turned to Yoji and greeted him with an icy “Yoji,” her expression so hard, cold, and angry that Yoji looked like he was thankful _she_ hadn’t been the Fujimiya who’d been trained to kill.

Feeling guilty over her reaction, he said, “Yoji lost his memory.”

“That’s the only thing saving him. Omi told me a lot.”

“Did he?” How much and with what spin?

“Are you taking care of yourself? You’ve spent enough time in the hospital.”

“I’m trying.”

Standing, Mamoru smiled a little. “Let’s all sit down.”

“Isn’t this dangerous for you?” Aya asked.

“I was very sneaky getting here, I’ve checked the house, and there’s a fake Takatori Mamoru out in public right now.”

“Is that safe?”

“He’s taking in an art show, not making Kritiker decisions.”

They all sat. Aya felt uncomfortable in Mamoru’s presence in the way he hadn’t in Omi’s. He felt that everything should be business with Mamoru, and it often was. Takatori. Since the grandfather had proven himself to be everything Aya associated that family name with, Aya found it harder to associate with Takatori Mamoru. Omi had made his choice of who to be, and it was the wrong one.

******************************************************

Yoji kind of remembered the young man sitting across from him, though his memory had fluffy, blonder hair and a look of innocence. “Hi.”

“I’m glad you’re back with us, Yoji,” Omi... Mamoru now... said. “I agonized over what to do for you.”

And finally decided to have Ken lead an injured and drugged Aya over to jumpstart things. “Yeah, everybody hates uncertainties.”

Yoji had trusted the fluffy blond kid, Omi. He didn’t trust Mamoru and not only because some half-woken part of his brain whispered, “Takatori,” as if the name were a curse. Although he didn’t know how he’d actually accomplish it, he would protect Aya from Takatori and Ken.

He felt Aya’s sister staring at him, judging him. Angry, suspicious, she looked far more like her brother. It hurt Yoji to have her hate him so much when he got the feeling that she’d liked him once. It also worried him because her opinion meant so much to his sunshine. Aya obviously loved her so much. Maybe too much.

“How much do you remember?” Mamoru asked.

“A lot. Not everything. But I remember enough that you can talk business in front of me without me freaking out.”

“That’s good, especially since Ken and Aya can’t stay in Japan much longer.”

Aya’s sister tightened her grip on her brother’s arm. Noticing that, Yoji couldn’t help saying, “Yeah, they have to duck Kritiker and your grandfather, right?”

Mamoru looked surprised, then said, “Unfortunately, yes. Ken has already told me that he would like to continue in the profession he was in before. Aya?”

“I don’t know what else I would do with myself,” Aya answered.

“Brother, you can do more than floristry and assassination,” his sister said, and Yoji agreed.

“Sure, construction work and waiting tables. No, I would prefer to stay with Ken. It seems that I don’t do well on my own anymore.”

“I can go with you wherever you end up.”

“No. You have a life here. I’m so proud of you for that. Don’t uproot yourself for me.”

“You did it for me!”

“It’s dangerous for you to be near me. You would have to live in hiding, under an alias. I don’t want that for you.”

“Ran--”

“We can talk about it later.”

“We can talk about it now.”

“Do you want to have this fight in front of Ken, Yoji, and Mamoru?”

She definitely resembled Aya more when angry and determined. “Whatever it takes.”

“We’ll work something out,” Mamoru said. “Aya-chan, please. You’ve heard too much already, and I should have known better. I don’t want you to know more specific information because it might make you a target.”

She shot Mamoru an utterly guy-Aya glare, then gave her brother’s wrist what could have been a goodbye touch and left the room. Yoji wondered if he’d always found them to be a little too close and touchy-feely.

“Wherever Aya and Ken go,” Yoji said, “I want to go too.” He refused to leave Aya.

“Are you sure?” Mamoru didn’t look surprised. “You have a viable identity here.”

“I’m not that guy anymore, and his life is falling apart anyway.”

“I’m sorry about your wife, Yoji.”

Yoji didn’t want to think about how Mamoru had found out so quickly. “It’s... for the best.”

“I can actually help all of you get similar positions in another organization. Similar missions, even a similar cover.”

“People other than Kritiker use a flower shop cover?” Ken asked.

“Yes.”

“I still can’t believe _we_ did.”

“It will be in London.”

“Damn. My English isn’t that great. But at least I’ll have some interest in some local sports.”

“It might encourage you to improve your English,” Aya said.

“There would be others in your team,” Mamoru continued. “The organization would want some of their own with you.”

“I’m all right with that,” Aya answered. “Wait, who are they?”

“I don’t know. I’m not supposed to be involved.”

Aya didn’t look happy but said, “All right. And Yoji won’t kill.”

“I won’t?” Yoji asked, confused.

“You don’t remember actually killing, do you?” Aya replied.

“I know I did it.”

“It’s not the same. Yoji can do information-gathering and surveillance.”

“I can do whatever the hell I want to.” Yoji said and glared at Ken, who appeared to be struggling not to laugh. “You’re not the boss of me, Aya.”

“Either is fine,” Mamoru said.

Aya’s expression suggested that he was struggling over something. Finally he asked, “What will you tell the others about our relationship? Would Yoji and I have to sneak around them to be... involved with each other?”

Wow. Yoji felt a little pang in his chest over that, a good one, over the thought that Aya wanted to be with him and wouldn’t let a new team get in his way.

The questions put a small smile on Mamoru’s face. “I haven’t said anything about it to them, but the information I have on them suggests they won’t have a problem with you being open on that. Do you want me to mention it in the negotiations?”

Although Yoji figured that Aya wouldn’t want it brought up like that from being Aya, part of him hoped Aya would say yes. Yoji would really appreciate it as an affirmation that they had a future together.

“No, it’s personal. I’ll see how they are when we get there.”

“I figured as much. You don’t have any complaints with England?”

“No.”

“Ken?”

“I’m fine with it.”

“Yoji.”

“I already told you I’m good to go.”

“Good.” Mamoru got up to bang on the door and yell, “You can come in again, Aya.”

Aya’s sister opened the door, said, “I have to beat some sense into my brother’s skull. Excuse me,” and immediately grabbed him and dragged him off to another room, which he didn’t protest that much.

It left Yoji sitting with Ken and Mamoru. “You don’t trust me, do you?” Mamoru asked.

“I trusted Omi,” Yoji answered. “I don’t really trust you.”

“It _is_ Omi,” Ken said.

“Not really. You played Aya to bring me back in. It’s obvious so don’t lie about it. What do you want?”

“I want all of you to be safe and happy,” Mamoru replied. “There’s not much I can do about my grandfather, so I have to help you where I can. Since it looked like you were starting to remember, I wanted to give you the choice of going with Aya or not.”

Manipulation with the best intentions was still manipulation. “Just don’t toy with and lie to him, okay?”

“I love Aya too. I wouldn’t hurt him. You have to believe that.”

That would probably be the most he could get out of Mamoru. “All right. You know, he needs a katana. He’s martyred himself long enough.” Yoji didn’t have any idea how to get a katana that would suit his sunshine, but Takatori Mamoru surely had the necessary contacts and money. If Mamoru had no trouble using his former teammates, Yoji wanted to get some value back.

“I know. I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Good.”

“I made lunch, so you should eat.” He almost looked like Omi now. “It really is good to have you back, Yoji. Don’t let things get so bad this time.”


	8. "I can't go back, Ken, so I might as well go forward."

He felt such gratitude when he found a comfortable chair he could sit in. Aya stared at him, then smacked his arm and said, “You almost died!”

He used to almost die a lot. She, thankfully, had no idea. “But I didn’t,” he answered, trying not to feel guilty that he’d made her so upset.

“You could have! I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t have a chance to say goodbye.” Her temper died, and she sat on the arm of the chair so she could touch his wrist. “Did it get that bad?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me. You’ve never been good at it. At least not to me.”

“It was... bad.”

“Now Yoji’s awake and getting his memory back. Does he remember the stuff he did and didn’t do?”

“Not really.”

“I didn’t think so. He’s Yoji but he’s not Yoji. He seems nice enough, but who is he? Are you going to take him back?”

“Maybe. When I think he remembers enough but he still wants to be with me anyway. Or he may remember enough and remember why he broke things off between us. I want to take him back, but....” He wanted to be stronger than this and less susceptible to Yoji’s charm. Might as well ask for the moon. “Yoji seems lighter this way, and I’m worried he’ll lose that if he remembers his past.”

“Is Omi sending all of you far away?”

“Fairly. But maybe I can find a way to visit you now and then, if I’m sneaky enough.”

“I know I made that big scene in there about going with you, but I can’t go, can I? I’d just get you hurt.”

She wouldn’t care about her own safety but could be reasoned with where it concerned his. “Probably.”

“I just got you back and now you have to go again. I’m so tired of not seeing you, Ran. I love you.”

Seeing her unhappy made his chest hurt and his throat close up, but he said, “I love you too, but I would rather you be unhappy than dead or held hostage. I’m sorry.”

She leaned against him. “Will it be like this forever?”

“I hope not, but I don’t know.”

She was crying. He’d made her cry. She swiped at her eyes with her hand and said, “Omi made lunch. Let’s eat. I think we can do that before we have to stop seeing each other for my own good.”

Lunch was strained and full of tense small talk. Mamoru would contact them later with specifics, so all they could do now was eat and pretend to be normal. As he left with the rest of Weiß Aya grabbed and squeezed him tightly enough to hurt, but he welcomed it. Her life so rarely touched his now.

******************************************************

Aya looked like hell as they drove back to the hotel, probably from brooding about his sister, so Yoji decided to derail that by asking, “Aya, what do I have to remember to get you to give me a chance?” He needed to know, and Aya did better under annoyance than depression.

“I’m not going to tell you. Your memories made you miserable.”

“ _You’re_ making me miserable right now! Help me here. Please.” Yoji didn’t say, “I want you,” because he kept saying it and Aya had to have gotten the point by now. Besides, Ken was watching them through the rearview mirror.

Aya took in a breath, then said, “You have to remember what happened to Asuka. Your partner Asuka, not your wife. You have to remember Neu and a girl in Europe and Tuji. You have to remember why you decided we were over when you returned from Europe. I’m not certain of the reason there myself. You have to tell me why _this_ ,” Aya pulled up his sleeve to bare his wrist, which had a watch on it, “is important. If, after all of that, you still want me, I’ll consider it.”

It sounded like a tall order. “You’re a hard man.”

“No. I just wish I was.” At the door to their hotel room, Aya said, “I’ll be taking another nap. Please don’t disturb me.”

“I know you have an injury, but are you all right?”

“We had the doctors check him out thoroughly,” Ken said. “They told us that he’s healing well and might be more tired for a while if he exerts himself.”

“Okay.” Monitoring things would be part of his official job in Weiß so he might as well do it on a personal level too. “Have a good sleep, sunshine.”

Aya nearly smiled at him, then closed the door. Standing out in the hall with Ken, Yoji said, “I might as well start getting stuff from Asuka, if she’s home.” He hated the thought, but it would only get harder the longer he waited.

“I’ll go with you.”

“Thanks. And I really mean that.”

Since she had a shift at the hospital, Asuka wasn’t home, but she told him he could pack and take things out. He supposed that it made things easier in some ways, but it still hurt like hell.

Somehow the pretty little apartment he’d shared with her had already stopped feeling like home. It didn’t even look the same to him, even though he knew Asuka hadn’t moved or changed anything. It scared him. Had _he_ changed that much in so short a time?

The guy he’d become had only been alive for a short while and hadn’t been interested in buying much, so he and Ken packed a few pathetic piles of belongings in some trash bags. “You always had so many clothes,” Ken said in obvious disbelief at how little he had.

“Different me,” Yoji said. Still, packing that pathetic amount and taking it out to the car took longer than they’d expected.

“Yoji, are you really okay with all of this?” Ken looked concerned. In the loop with Mamoru or not, he was a good guy.

“I can’t go back, Ken, so I might as well go forward.”

Aya was still sleeping when they returned. Yoji could only hope that Aya had gotten up to eat dinner at some point instead of sleeping all the way through, especially since he _was_ too skinny. But he also looked so snuggly right now that it took a major struggle not to stroke him. Yoji sat on the other bed and read a novel he’d been working through before his life had turned completely upside-down yesterday. In all that time, even with the reading light on, Aya barely moved.

Yoji wondered if he would like England. He wondered if he could actually kill someone.

Before going to sleep, Yoji spent at least an hour thinking long and hard about the tidbits of past Aya had thrown him and he’d already found on his own, focusing on them. He’d wasted too much time already.

******************************************************

Waking up sweating and gasping, he thought that he wouldn’t wish the resulting dreams on even his worst enemy. As much as he hoped they weren’t true, he’d already remembered enough to know they had at least some basis in fact. He saw his partner Asuka shot down and remembered his guilt at surviving. How creepy was it that, amnesiac, he’d fallen in love with another woman named Asuka? He felt the pull of the wire across his gloved hands and Neu’s weight along his back as he killed her not so much in self-defense but because she was all that remained of Asuka yet hated him, preferring Takatori Masafumi to him. That had run into him with Aya... with him scoping out girls right in front of Aya because he knew he was a big fuckup who didn’t deserve to be happy with anyone. He nearly strangled lovers in the midst of lovemaking. He whored himself out for the team and killed Michelle in Europe again.

And Tuji... he nearly betrayed everything and everyone as he reached for the oblivion she offered him.

He had been a killer and a whore, as he’d feared, and woke feeling low and filthy, low and filthy just like when he’d returned from Europe and decided not to contaminate Aya with his presence anymore.

But as he sat awake in bed he remembered the end too. He saw Asuka’s spirit forgiving him. He felt the peace that had come in the acceptance that he had done wrong and he couldn’t change _that_ but he could make amends. He was Weiß, and forgetting everything he’d done would just be a form of suicide. He remembered kneeling on the floor, so badly injured, leaning on Aya’s katana as the place came down around him, and the look on Aya’s face as Yoji had said what he’d learned. It had been love and joy and “Welcome back, Yoji” and “Don’t die, Yoji” and “I will return for you.”

This had to be true. Aya still had to feel like that. Yoji couldn’t bear to think that it might have changed.

The irony. Just when Yoji had come to peace with the idea of still remembering everything, he’d forgotten. Poor Aya, daring to hope that he’d gotten his lover back only to find himself in a nightmare of a person he loved falling into a coma and this time forgetting him as well.

Aya stood across the room with his needles in hand, watching him. Yoji said, “I remember what you need me to remember.”

“That’s convenient. Didn’t take you long.” Aya had gone full stone face.

“I worked on it really hard because it was that important. You don’t think I’m lying, do you?” What a horrible thought.

The hard line of Aya’s mouth softened. “No.”

“I remember the people you mentioned and what I did to them. I even remember some horrible things I don’t think you even know about. But, Aya, I stayed away from you because I felt so filthy and thought you would be better off and happier without me.”

“You were wrong,” Aya said softly.

“Yeah, I get that now. In the end I got that.”

Aya nodded. “But I made that mistake too later.”

Yoji had to get this across. It was so important. “I found the peace I needed. When I was trying to get the rest of you out of there alive, I thought to myself that if I survived people would need a crowbar to get me off you. It was something to live for. I’m Weiß, and I’m yours. I want you to be mine. From what I saw and heard, you feel the same way. Please tell me that hasn’t changed.”

Aya trembled a little. “You’re worried that I might have come to my senses? No. I still love you. I still want you.”

“Have I remembered enough to make you stop pushing me away?”

“Do you remember the first car you drove while with Weiß?”

“No.” It was a blank where he knew something should be. He hated that. “But what the hell does that matter for me and you? I remember you. I remember wanting to make it right. Give me the chance.”

“I--”

“No matter what you say about you and me, I’m going to London with you and Ken. I’ll start off in surveillance and information gathering because my skills are rusty and I’m not in the same shape I was, but eventually I’ll be out in the field with you. There’s no way I can sit in safety while you’re risking your ass.” Yoji had a sudden terrible thought as he remembered wrapping his wire around Aya’s throat the night they went after Tuji. “Is it that you don’t trust me? You think I’ll turn on you during a mission again?”

“No, Yoji.”

Aya’s misery and uncertainty showed in his eyes and mouth and the way his face seemed to droop, which Yoji read as “Yes, Yoji, a little,” and he couldn’t blame Aya for that.

“Everything went so wrong before,” Aya said. “I don’t want us to repeat our mistakes. I don’t want to see you in so much pain again.”

“I’m improved now, sunshine. I’ll prove it to you if you give me the chance. Say ‘yes’ to me.”

“On which thing?”

“Both.”

Aya looked at him for a while then said, “I’ll give you a chance. On both.”

Yoji jumped up, grabbed him, and hugged him. For a moment Aya stood stiffly and just allowed it, then sheathed his needles and finally melted into it. Yoji wanted to _clutch_ Aya. He didn’t do it only because he remembered Aya’s healing stab wound, so he contented himself with stroking Aya’s back and soft hair. To Yoji’s delight, Aya seemed to be growing his hair out again, giving him some length to play with.

“I’m going to put a smile on your face and keep it there,” Yoji said, “even if it kills me.”

Stupid choice of words, because Aya softly answered, “It may.”

“I’m tougher than I look.”

Aya didn’t smell quite right, probably from his prescription drug use, but even that made Yoji happy because it meant that he remembered what Aya _should_ smell like. As he nuzzled Aya’s neck, he felt as much as heard the small sounds of contentment Aya made.

“Tell me about the terrible things you think I don’t know about, and I’ll let you know whether I actually don’t,” Aya said.

“I’m not falling for that one.”

“It was worth a try. Yoji, I’m not keeping you out of the killing because I think you’re weak or don’t trust you. It’s just... you’ve regained some of your innocence, and I don’t want that taken away from you.”

Sweet, sunshine, but.... “How can I be innocent when I know what I did? It was me. Not remembering some of it doesn’t make me less guilty. Besides, I can’t sit around all the time waiting for you to come back home from risking your life. I have to be there with you.” He had to be _with_ Aya right now. His body had already started on that even before his mind had caught up, rubbing companionably and insistently against Aya’s. Wanted him so much....

Aya’s rubbed back. “Yoji....”

Sparking with memory, Yoji tugged at Aya’s hair and heard him make a small, hot sound he tried to choke back. Oh yeah, Aya liked that, and Yoji loved hearing Aya like it, and tugging Aya’s hair seemed to be like flipping an On switch because now they kissed hungrily, almost desperately. Aya trembled as Yoji’s fingers stroked down the hot skin of the small of his back, under the waistband of his sweatpants and underwear, and down his ass, and Yoji was so gone on him that feeling him react was almost as good as having it done to himself. He didn’t think he could press Aya any closer to him, yet he managed to do it anyway.

“Pet me, please, Yoji,” Aya murmured, and something in that phrase set Yoji on fire.

“Do you want me to stroke you all over?” Yoji asked, lost in lust and déjà vu.

“Please....”

So he cupped Aya’s ass and stroked and petted him as they urgently kissed and rocked against each other. Yoji wished he had something slick because he so wanted to fingerfuck his sunshine while he had his hand in the general area, but they’d just kind of gone for it and it would interrupt things if he pulled his hand out and spat on it when right now he didn’t want any interruption whatsoever. Just like how he wanted to bare more of Aya’s skin but didn’t because that would mean putting space between them to get Aya’s clothes off, which would be bad. At least Yoji hadn’t worn a top to bed.

He could feel the orgasm building in his balls, and from the way Aya quivered and breathed he had to be close too. Through the lust and drive to come already Yoji still had the small thought that he would have liked their new first time to be something more... not quite romantic, that sounded so damned girly, but slower, less frenzied. Yet he probably shouldn’t have expected it to go down any other way, not when he hadn’t had Aya in forever and had been focused on him since getting his own name back and not when Aya probably hadn’t had sex since before Yoji had left for Europe, which had been ages ago.

Yoji came at the thought of Aya staying chaste after losing him and almost blacked out in pleasure at the release. Aya shuddered and groaned and melted against him, done. They panted together. Yoji backed them up until they reached and fell onto the bed together.

As Aya was lying half on top of Yoji in what looked like a very sleepy way, his fingers twitched on Yoji’s chest, drawing attention to the watch on that wrist, the one Aya had shown him yesterday. That was Yoji’s watch. “Oh, sunshine. How long have you been wearing that?”

Looking dazed, almost drugged, Aya said, “Since the ambulance.” Then he abruptly looked more awake. “You remember your watch.”

Trying to lighten the moment, Yoji answered, “Yeah, through the healing power of sex.”

Aya rolled his eyes. “You really are almost yourself again.” Then he winced and wiggled. “I’m lying on my--” He undid one of the armbands holding his needles and put it on the table, then undid the other and put it there as well, to Yoji’s relief since he hated the needles so much. Then he unbuckled the watch from his wrist and set it in Yoji’s hand. “There was a point when I didn’t think I’d ever get to return this to you.”

It felt so right when Yoji put it on his own wrist. What had it been like for a mourning Aya to see this reminder on his body daily yet keep it there? “Thanks, sunshine,” he said then gave him a kiss.

He could very happily lie here with Aya for a while but Aya started to fidget. Yeah, coming in your clothes made things uncomfortable. “Come with me,” Yoji said.

“I already did that,” Aya answered.

Yoji had to kiss him again for that. “Smartass. Shower with me.”

When Aya took off his shirt in the bathroom, Yoji felt his stomach clench as he saw his sunshine’s old scars from what had to be bullets and blades. It hurt to see. He had his own scars, but not so many, not so obvious. He tried to joke, but his voice shook as he asked, “Was I just that much better at assassination than you?”

“What?”

“The scars. I don’t have as many.” He remembered that Aya tended to charge in and get close, face-to-face, to targets, while he’d preferred to attack by surprise and often from a distance or from behind.

Aya’s mouth twisted a little. “Not so pretty now, am I?”

Yoji kissed him, then said, “Shut up. You’re beautiful.”

Fuck, Aya was in shape. It reminded Yoji that he had a lot of working out to do, but he figured he could think about that later. He knew exactly the kind of working out he wanted to do now and set to it.

Their shower together was more of a languid make-out session than a real attempt to clean themselves up. Aya had looked so stiff and taut since their reunion that seeing and feeling his body loosen and relax under Yoji’s hands and lips gave him such a feeling of relief. He could be good for Aya. He would prove it. He’d pissed so much time away already.

They eventually returned to bed. Aya looked as sleepy as he felt, so once they’d applied new bandages to him Yoji murmured, “Go to sleep, sunshine. I’ll go with you.”


	9. "If anybody could use a fresh start, it would be us."

“Uhm,” somebody said nearby.

“What is it with you and walking in on us, Ken?” Yoji asked.

“You remember that? That’s great!”

“I remember that all too well.”

Feeling warm and relaxed if somewhat achy, Aya cautiously opened his eyes. He really did have Yoji lying naked next to him under the sheets, which left Aya feeling thrilled and confused. Then his memories caught up with him and he fought the urge to blush. He’d gone for Yoji like a starving man.

He had Yoji back. He thought. Yoji seemed to be remembering enough to qualify and touched him the way he used to. But Aya didn’t know how far he could trust anything. This felt so dangerous, opening himself up to being hurt again and having something to lose.

“Omi got us an in with that group in England he mentioned.”

“When are we supposed to leave?” Aya asked. Japan, especially Tokyo, wasn’t safe for him or anyone connected too closely with him.

His sister hadn’t been closely connected with him in so long that she should still be safe.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Yoji asked. “That’s a bit fast.”

Ken shrugged. “What do we have to do here?”

“We-- Shit.”

“Yeah. Aya’s dead and so is Yoji. Itou Ryou just cut ties with his wife and Mamoru cut Ryou’s ties to his job. I’m dead under my name and an ex-con under another. If anybody could use a fresh start, it would be us.”

Weird to hear Ken discussing “Yoji” like it had been some fictional identity not really connected with who Yoji was.

“Wait, Mamoru quit my job for me?”

“Yep.”

Yoji looked like he kind of resented that, something Aya could understand, but said nothing about it. “Gotcha. Now can you take off and give me and Aya some alone time?”

“Right! Sorry!” Ken just about ran to the door. “I’ll call back later!”

Once Ken left, Yoji asked, “He _was_ interrupting us all the time, wasn’t he? Damn, we always wanted to kill him.”

It hurt so much to hope that he truly had Yoji back. “Threatening to kill him didn’t stop him or fix his bad timing.”

Yoji grinned. “It wouldn’t. So, what should we do in our last day as Japanese citizens? You should see your sister for some of the day.”

“It’s too dangerous for her.”

“So it won’t be a long visit. Shouldn’t put her in as _much_ danger.”

“I don’t think it works that way.”

“You have to see her before we go! But, before that....” Yoji looked at him with such heat that Aya just about melted into it. Yes, anything Yoji wanted.

Aya hadn’t always been so enslaved to lust, but Yoji was a special case. This morning Aya had gotten more sex than he’d had in the last year and a half. He hadn’t really wanted anyone else so he hadn’t missed it, but now he ached to be touched. Yoji looked at him the way he used to, and the feel of his hands on Aya’s skin brought back memories of happier times.

It sounded so pathetic.

“C’mon, Aya, is it really so embarrassing to want me?” Yoji asked with a smile, maybe reading some of Aya’s dismay on his face.

“It’s embarrassing to want you this much.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna get freaky on you while you’re injured.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Aya, I’m not gonna deliberately hurt you, whether you’re okay with being hurt or not,” Yoji murmured as he kissed Aya’s neck. “I mean it. Damn, you feel so good.”

Remembering how Yoji had been before, Aya momentarily feared for his neck, but the kissing and sucking felt too good to worry about. Soaking in Yoji’s heat and presence, he kept getting lost in the sensations of being skin to skin: held and touched and kissed and holding and touching and kissing. Having been nothing more than a weapon for so long again, he felt ravenous for this and so vulnerable to it. He _felt_. He couldn’t help the possessiveness in his touch as he stroked Yoji along his sides and finally down his cock.

“Aya,” Yoji gasped, “I’m really not too fat right now, right?”

Aya tightened his grip on the base of Yoji’s cock. “If you start starving yourself again, I’ll kill you.”

“Kidding!”

Sure. “I’m not.”

“Aya.” Lust had made Yoji’s voice so deep that it rumbled through Aya’s body. “I need to fuck you.”

His name said that way, Yoji’s plea, and the thought of it made Aya so hard he ached. “Yes.”

“You have to let go of me first.”

“…right. But I like the way it feels in my hand.”

“You say the sweetest things.”

Aya did release his grip and moved to lie down on his stomach. Mindful of the stab injury, Yoji put pillows under him to angle him well. Having his bare ass up and out made Aya feel exposed, but he got over it as Yoji’s lubricated finger rimmed him. That teasing touch felt so good that he couldn’t help pressing back onto it, making a soft sound as it slid into him. The small hurt of it faded as Yoji started to stroke his prostate, and the surges of pleasure made him gasp. Yoji fingerfucked him for a while, gradually adding more fingers. As good as it was, it wasn’t enough. He teetered on the edge.

“Yoji... just give it to me,” Aya finally had to say, looking over his shoulder.

“I don’t want to hurt you, and I want this to last. You’re incredible to watch. But sure.” Yoji’s expression had a wicked tinge to it.

Yoji’s first thrust in promised the ride Aya wanted, but then he switched to long, slow, deep strokes that felt incredible but left Aya frustrated. But it was Yoji inside him, Yoji’s hands on his hips, Yoji occasionally nipping at the back of his neck. That still amazed him. And if Yoji wanted to take some time to savor this, Aya would go with it.

When Yoji’s hand wrapped around Aya’s cock and started stroking, Aya thrust into it, glad to have a more satisfying friction than the pillows and mattress had given him. “Oh, God,” Yoji murmured as he started to thrust faster and harder, and Aya came at that, lost in it, crying out. After a few more strokes, Yoji followed him.

“I love you,” Yoji murmured against his neck.

Tangled with him in a lazy afterglow, breathing in time with him, nearly overloaded with sensation, Aya still couldn’t quite believe he had this back but would hold onto it as long as he could. “I love you too.”

******************************************************

“I’ll be fine by myself. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I’ll catch another nap. You go visit your sister and call me when you need a pickup,” Yoji said as they sat in the car.

“Our last day in Japan, and you’ll spend it sleeping,” Aya said, worried for him.

“All the people I really care about are going to England with me. Well, one of them isn’t the same person he used to be and _isn’t_ going to England, but I don’t want to visit the guy he is now, okay?”

Aya doubted that Yoji knew that Nagi of Schwarz had become Mamoru’s lover as well as bodyguard and decided not to be the one to reveal it. “All right. Be well.”

“You too. Tell her I said hi.”

“You’re welcome to stay with us.”

“Nah. This is all about you and her. Besides, I think she still wants to kill me. Get out of the car.”

“All right. I’ll see you later.” Aya put his hood up. No reason to walk around outside near his sister with his red hair out like a beacon for trouble.

As he watched the car drive away and shivered a bit in the harsh winter wind, Aya couldn’t help feeling some concern. Yoji was so new to himself... But if he couldn’t be trusted to take care of himself alone how could he live? If he could become not-Yoji again just by being alone, then there was no point in holding on to him to try to stop it.

Aya couldn’t live everyone’s lives for them. He used to know that.

His sister ran out of the nearby building and pounced him, and he hugged her back with all the feeling in him. However, doing this in public wasn’t wise. “Aya, do you live here now?” he asked.

“No. I’ll explain inside.” She pulled him along by his arm; he let her do it.

Inside, in the elevator she said, “I was so glad when Ken called to set this up. He’s a really nice guy.”

They’d been through this. “You’re not dating anyone who’s in the business.”

“Don’t worry. It’s a moot point right now,” she answered with a wicked little grin that sent chills through him.

“What? Why-- Who _are_ you dating?”

Instead of saying anything, she unlocked an apartment door and opened it to let them inside, then shucked off her coat and shoes and put slippers on, suggesting they’d stay a while. A nervous young man walked to them from the kitchen and said, with a small bow, “Hello, Fujimiya-san. I’m Mifune Nobuo. Please do me the honor of allowing me to continue dating Aya.”

Considering that Aya had a few horrible moments of expecting Mifune to ask for his sister’s hand in marriage, hearing that the boy wanted to continue dating her came almost as a relief. That didn’t last as it sunk in, but he was being an idiot. She _should_ be dating and getting on with her life. He _wanted_ a normal life for her. How had he thought she’d have children he could be an eccentric uncle to? He should be thankful her chosen didn’t have 25 piercings or was ten to fifteen years older and already married.

Mifune seemed like a nice--if utterly average looking and seeming--boy. The only noteworthy thing Aya could see about him was that Aya-chan esteemed him enough to date him, but that should be enough.

He had to wonder what Aya-chan had told him about him, though, because the boy seemed afraid under his veneer of determination. He gave the boy points for facing him anyway. “Hello, Mifune-san. If she’s happy with you, I have no objections.”

“Excellent.” Mifune relaxed a bit. “Do you need anything else, Aya-chan?”

“No. I think we’re good,” she answered. “Thanks, Nobuo. See you later.”

Mifune looked like he was about to give Aya-chan a quick kiss but glanced at Aya and seemed to think better of it. Once the boy put his coat and shoes on and left, Aya asked as he put his hood down, “What the hell did you tell him about me? Surely not that I’m an assassin, although I wouldn’t be surprised if you had from how scared he was.”

“I told him you’re the last of my family and you mean a lot to me.”

“That’s it?”

“I might have mentioned a few other things.”

“All right. I don’t want to know. Is he... the one?”

“I like him a lot. Maybe love him. But we’re not thinking of marriage. I want to live more before I do that.”

He remembered her saying she’d move to England with him, apparently without thinking of this boyfriend at all. That said a lot. “If the first I saw of this boy was him saying he was marrying you, I would have been really ticked off. So he’s not particularly important, but you wanted me to meet him since we don’t know when I’ll be in town again?”

“He’s important but not husband-to-be important. Not now.” She smiled. “We’ve been seeing each other for three months. It hasn’t been that long.”

It bothered him that she didn’t sound invested in this boy. She should have love in her life. “This is his apartment, isn’t it? You already have him trained.”

She grinned. “He knows you’re away a lot and don’t have your own place in Tokyo, and he understands that I don’t want Momoe-san commenting on my business.” Wise, since neither of them knew for sure if Momoe-san reported to Kritiker. “Besides, I think he had some idea of wanting you to see how he lived.”

“It’s a nice place.”

“I’ll let him know you said so. Sit. Something to drink?”

“Water would be fine.”

As she fetched a glass for him and filled it with water from a pitcher in the fridge, it struck him that she seemed very familiar with the layout of this kitchen and comfortable here, suggesting that she’d spent a lot of time in this apartment. The Bad Batz-maru charm on the keyring suggested it was hers rather than Mifune’s. At least he thought so. If it had been Mifune’s it complicated his picture of the boy; if it were hers he felt thankful she preferred that to Hello Kitty.

Maybe she needed time to really warm to a love relationship, even though she made friends so easily.

No, that didn’t work for her personality.

“Stop worrying about me. Things are great.”

“You’re fine?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“That’s _your_ favorite masking phrase. Where did you pick up the hickeys on your neck? You’re not back with Yoji, are you?”

The high collar of his shirt must not have been high enough. “Not that it’s really any of your business, but yes. He’s remembering himself and us, but he’s not the person he was near the end. He’s good and he loves me.” He worked to convince himself as much as he did her.

“If he’s remembering more stuff all the time, who’s to say he won’t become that person all over again?”

She’d homed right in on his major worry. “Ken and I will be keeping an eye on him. None of us wants him to go there.”

“Ken’s really nice, Ran.”

Huh? “And?”

“He wants you, you know.”

What? He was glad he hadn’t been drinking when she said that because he might have choked. “Ken does?”

“Yes.”

“Hidaka Ken.”

“ _Yes_. The guy you didn’t want me to get involved with because he’s in the business Ken. But you’re in the business too....”

Ken in love with him. “That makes no sense. One of our main ways of communicating is punching each other. He welcomed me to Weiß with a fistfight that ended in a mutual knockout.” Which had led to Yoji depositing an unconscious Aya in his bed.

“So his flirting techniques haven’t changed since he was 12. Yesterday when we were all in the same room I saw how he looked at you. When he was on the phone with me today he wanted to make sure you had time with me before you all leave for England.”

“It’s not-- With what we do and how we have to depend on each other to survive, we’ve formed strong bonds.” Which they had lost for a while but appeared to be getting back. “I’m sure it looks like love, and it _is_ a kind of love. It’s like... family.” It had taken _him_ forever to realize that about Weiß, so it wouldn’t surprise him if she needed time to get it. “He’s more thoughtful and protective than usual because I’m injured.”

“I should have known you’d never notice what’s right in front of your face. You’ve always been bad about realizing how attractive you are.”

Crazy talk. “I doubt as much of the world is obsessed with me as you seem to think it is.”

“False modesty.”

“If you do marry Mifune-san, maybe you should warn him that there’s a chance at least one of your kids might be freakishly redheaded.”

Despite his effort at diversion, she remained on target. “Ken’s steady, Ran.”

Please. “For a long time he had serious rage issues, and he recently did a stint in prison.”

“You told me you caught Yoji talking to his dead girlfriend.”

“Only once! And certainly not recently!”

“Only once that you know of, and once should be enough to tell you to get the hell out! What if you get that Yoji back?”

She’d deduced another fear of his and stabbed him with it. “I won’t, Aya. And if I did, I wouldn’t stand for it.” He could feel his throat and chest constricting.

“I’m sorry, Ran.” She pulled one of the kitchen chairs closer to his, sat down, and put her hand on his wrist. “I want you to be happy. It’s just that he’s hurt you badly before, everything’s coming at you so quickly and all at once right now, and you’re injured and taking medication.”

“You think my judgment is impaired?” He’d wanted the question to come out angry and accusing, but instead it sounded hurt and lost.

“I wouldn’t say ‘impaired,’ just that things have been like a whirlwind and you haven’t had much time to stop, give yourself some distance, and really look at everything. You’ve been hopping from country to country, you think you might have Yoji back after probably figuring for so long that there wasn’t a chance in hell, you nearly _died_....” Her voice wobbled.

He pulled his chair closer to hers and hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I want you to be happy, and I want you to _live_. You’re so intense and you feel things so deeply that I worry....”

He’d given her cause to worry over that in the past, not that she knew it. “Don’t worry. I know I have reasons to stay alive. And if Ken... is as you say, he’ll be looking after me too.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a huge downer about this.”

“It’s like we switched personalities for a moment. You used to be all for it.”

“I know! You finally got some sex, and I’m harping on it.”

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t have such a keen sense on that.”

“It’s not my fault he likes to leave marks.”

“I’ve spoken to him about it.”

“But then he puts his mouth on you and the discussion’s over?”

“...there are some things I’d prefer not to discuss with my younger sister.” He didn’t like to think of her having sex--in his mind she’d remain a virgin to her deathbed, even if she had a gaggle of kids--so he didn’t understand her ease in talking about and joy in snarking about his.

“Ken might not do--”

“No. Not discussing that.”

“All right. Ran, I didn’t say this yesterday--”

He dreaded what she’d say next.

“--but I like your hair. I miss the long braid because it made a great handle--“

“You weren’t supposed to use it like that.”

“--but this is nice too.”

“...thanks. We _will_ see each other again. I mean it.”

She looked very unhappy. “You didn’t contact me even once while you were away.”

He’d known he was making her unhappy then but refused to think about it, figuring that _knowing_ he’d become such a mess would make her feel worse. “I wrote some letters but never sent them because I wasn’t happy and I worried you’d notice. Things will be better in England.”

“They better be. Maybe I could come visit you.”

“I know nothing about the people we’ll be working with yet--”

“Which I’m sure you hate.”

“I do. But once I have an idea of how they are, we’ll figure out how you can come visit or if there’s a sneaky way I could briefly visit you in Tokyo.”

“I missed you. I don’t care how worthy you think you are of seeing me; I want to see you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Although he’d loosened the hug, he hadn’t slipped away from it.


	10. "I'm going to do the brave and stupid thing by being optimistic."

Yoji had the wire taut in his gloved hands and a heavy, struggling, gasping weight along his back. What an odd way to strangle someone, he thought.

“Who do you love?” he demanded.

“...Yoji...” Aya gasped behind him, sounding agonized.

“What, Asuka?”

“...’m not... Asuka, Yoji....”

“Who do you love?”

“Yoji....”

“I’m not Yoji.” He pulled the wire tight.

And woke up flailing, panicking, his heart pounding. That couldn’t have been right. He couldn’t have, _wouldn’t have_ , killed Aya. He’d just had a nightmare. But Aya wasn’t here, wasn’t _here_....

Aya was visiting his sister. He was fine... in the real sense of the word “fine.” Yoji knew that but still couldn’t convince himself. Aya didn’t have a phone and hadn’t left a number he could be reached at so Yoji called the front desk to ask if anyone had left any messages for him, but no one had... which meant nothing since he’d only slept for three hours. Still, he needed something more concrete to calm him.

Yoji crouched down near the closet, looking at Aya’s long garment bag hanging from the rod and two suitcases on the floor, none of them locked. Well, if he’d ever had any qualms about looking through people’s things he never would have become a detective.

...he used to be a detective? That was so cool, and it made more sense of some things he’d seen himself doing with not-his-wife Asuka.

All the clothes in the suitcases were clean, and Yoji had no idea where Aya hid dirty clothes, although he vaguely remembered that he’d always wondered that. His sunshine kept some weird secrets. The clothing didn’t smell like any detergent Yoji remembered, but some hint of Aya’s own scent remained in the suitcases themselves. Nice.

The garment bag had two things in it. The first trench coat provided some comfort to Yoji because it definitely smelled like Aya. The second coat inside was beautiful--red with a black panel in front, fastened by straps with buckles as Aya preferred on mission coats, kinky as usual--but something about it all set Yoji’s nerves on edge. Maybe the brightness of the red.... As he eased the bag away from it he saw a black armband on each sleeve. Feeling them with his fingers, he found some small holes in the tops, confirming that Aya used them as sheaths for the killing needles. He wore this coat when he went out alone to execute people. Judging from the katas Aya did with them, he came in very close to use the needles.

Yoji swore to himself that he would get Aya to retire this coat.

He packed it all away again, replicating how Aya had put things in, then pulled out the stuff Ken had brought for him. He’d dumped the suitcases for how they smelled of old cigarette smoke and cologne, which had made some part inside him want a cigarette while repulsing the rest of him. Everything inside had smelled as well. He’d washed the clothes and put everything into shopping bags then into two new suitcases, but some of the acrid smoke scent remained from two pairs of leather gloves he couldn’t wash. Both had a special lining.

He wore a mix of his recent clothes with some of his old self’s stuff that wasn’t too small but now put on a pair of those gloves and released some wire from the watch Aya had returned. Doing it, he felt some muscle memory returning, just as his body had still known how to protect itself from that pickpocket a while ago. The hotel room was too small to really practice in, though.

He’d killed with this. Could he kill again? He’d told Aya he could. If he couldn’t, he probably wouldn’t get to go out in the field with Aya and Ken on missions.

As Yoji retracted the wire back into its watch housing, he wondered if Ken had his old mission coats as well. They hadn’t been handed over with the suitcases. He figured what he’d been wearing during the building collapse had been lost, but his two older long coats should still exist in fine condition. Maybe Ken hadn’t wanted to rub the darker parts of Yoji’s old life under his nose.

Yoji would ask him about them.

He jumped when the telephone rang then picked it up. “Hello?”

“Yoji, I’m ready to come back,” Aya said, and his voice made Yoji feel so much better.

“Great! I’ll come by to pick you up.” Glancing at the clock, Yoji saw that he’d puttered an hour and a half away going through Aya’s things and communing with his weapon.

“...did you just wake up? You sound a bit... strange. I could call Ken to pick me--”

“No. I’m great.” He _needed_ to see Aya. Going through flashbacks and nightmares without his teammates had been terrible. Going through them without Aya.... “Same place?”

“Yes. I’ll see you soon.”

Yoji quickly brushed his hair because it looked like he’d slept on it. The suitcases had included some of Yoji’s old colognes, but he couldn’t imagine wearing them now. They mostly smelled like eau de trying too hard.

Did Aya miss the way he used to smell? Yoji couldn’t think of a suave way to ask.

Yoji managed not to break the speed laws too much on his drive to pick up Aya. No one waited at the spot he stopped at, but Aya soon walked out of a nearby building toward him, black fur-trimmed hood up over his hair, and got into the car. “You’re all right?” Aya asked, alive and well and concerned for him.

“I’m great.” Yoji quickly reached over for a quick hug and kiss that Aya seemed to enjoy as well. He wanted longer ones but knew Aya would squirm too much while they were in the car. “Better now that you’re back.”

Aya shot him an annoyed “you’re messing with me” look. “Hnh.”

“For real. Where do you want to stop for dinner?”

“Ken called to say we should pack some things to be shipped to the England address, like my weapons, so they don’t have to get checked by people at the airport. Mamoru will send someone to pick up the boxes. Aside from that, I don’t know what we’re doing.”

Yoji didn’t like the sound of it, but that might be from his unease in dealing with Mamoru. “My watch too?”

“I’ve gone through airport security X-rays and metal detectors a few times with it, with no one the wiser about it being a weapon. I think it’s fine.”

“So we’re doing room service.”

“We can’t exactly wander around in the open anyway. Ken will be over.”

“Room service with _Ken_.” He’d wanted to have Aya alone, particularly after they’d spent such a long time apart.

Aya’s small, rueful smile warmed Yoji. “Yes, Yoji, dinner with Ken.”

“How was your visit with your sister?”

That took the smile off Aya’s face. Damn it. “We can’t really make plans to visit until I have a better idea of the conditions and people in London. While it was good to see her, it reminded me that we have to be careful.”

“Remember the good and block out the rest.”

“That’s actually a good idea.”

“I have good ideas. Lots of times.”

“Hnh.” But Aya smiled a little again, like a flash of sun on an overcast day, and the warmth of that killed the lingering horror of the nightmare. No way would Yoji destroy the precious second chance he’d gotten.

It probably shouldn’t have surprised him to find Ken waiting for them in their room. Expecting it wouldn’t have stopped him from getting pissed off anyway. “Ken! You know damned well--”

“Yeah, yeah, I know what would be going on if I weren’t here, but we all have stuff to do and you’re not exactly the most ‘get to it’ guy we know.”

“I am about the important things!”

“Like making out with Aya, right?”

“That _is_ important. Besides, I’m more ‘get to it’ than I used to be,” Yoji muttered.

“We can be adults,” Aya said as he took his coat off. “And I don’t mean in an X-rated way.”

Yoji watched Ken watch Aya, the way his eyes followed Aya’s movements, the way he smiled as black fur and black cloth fell away from his head to reveal his red hair, the twist of Ken’s lips as he watched Aya bend to remove his shoes. Did Aya know Ken had a thing for him? With most people he’d never doubt it, not with how obvious Ken could be, but Aya didn’t seem to notice things like that directed at him. While Yoji knew that it didn’t really matter and he should just let it go--Aya had gone for him, not Ken--it still tugged at him. Did he really need the ego boost of knowing that Aya knew Ken wanted him but chose Yoji anyway?

How could Ken, wanting Aya, help Aya get someone else instead? Not just that, but work with both of them afterward? Yoji didn’t think _he_ could reach that level of self-sacrifice.

He didn’t believe Ken could maintain it either, so he’d be watching. Ken hadn’t made a move out of the thought that Yoji made Aya happy, but if he stopped thinking Yoji had that ability he might.

“What?” Ken asked. “Yoji wouldn’t be open to a threesome?”

“When the hell did you start talking like that?” Yoji asked, remembering how horrified Ken had been every time he’d walked in on Aya and Yoji getting it on.

“You missed some stuff.”

Apparently eager to change the direction of the conversation, Aya asked, “These are the boxes we should use?”

“Yeah,” Ken answered. “Mamoru said to pack up weapons and some clothes. He suggested we each carry five days of clothes onto the airplane with us and ship the rest.”

“Shipping will take that long?”

“He said no but wanted us to keep more with us to be safe. We can order food and start packing while they make it.”

“Good idea. What’s on the menu?”

Aya looked happier and had more energy than he had during the first day of their reunion. Chew on that, Ken. But Ken just looked cheerful as he handed the menu over to Aya, who quickly scanned it then handed it to Yoji while saying, “I know what I want.”

He really had to stop this jealous, paranoid shit. The way to keep Aya was to be good to him and for him. If he wasn’t, then he shouldn’t be with Aya anyway and Ken had every right to swoop in and be better. If he did things the way he should, he’d have no need to worry about Ken.

If Yoji acted like a jealous, paranoid moron, Aya would walk away on his own anyway.

Yoji looked through the menu to make a choice then picked up the phone. “All right, what’s everybody having?”

“Why are you making the call?” Ken asked.

“I have the menu. I’m also told I have a smooth phone manner, unlike everybody else in this room.”

“Hey! Are you gonna let him get away with that, Aya?”

Aya shrugged but had a small smile on his face. “I’ve never wanted to do phone work.”

“And you tend to spaz, Ken,” Yoji said as he dialed room service.

“Sure, sure. Team up against me now.”

“No time to talk, Ken. _Ordering_.”

Aya slid a pad and pencil over to Ken and said, “Write down what you want.”

Once Ken finished and slid it back, Aya wrote down his own dishes and passed it to Yoji. Yoji found it easy to tell who’d ordered what from the contrast of Ken’s enthusiastic sprawl versus Aya’s neat, small pen strokes. After he finished the call, Yoji said, “They told me it would take 30 minutes.”

“I’m _starving_ ,” Ken said.

“You’ll just have to wait. Or you could go get dinner somewhere by yourself.”

“Funny.”

“Yoji, Ken...” Serious-faced, Aya appeared to be looking for the words he needed to say.

“What is it?” Yoji asked.

“Hnh. We’re going to be living and working among strangers in a foreign country, surrounded by people speaking a foreign language. We’ll need each other--all three of us--more than ever. It’s important that we don’t forget our... common ties, our... friendship. It’s important that we don’t keep secrets or let resentments fester. I can’t live like that again. I won’t.”

Had Aya said that as a general warning or had he been aware of Yoji verbally tussling with Ken over possession of him? Yoji didn’t remember all the details of the time Aya referred to, more a general outline with some underlined major moments, but whenever he touched anything in that area of time he remembered feelings of such misery and shame, emotions he’d kept to himself and let fester like an infected wound. He’d poisoned and corrupted himself and Weiß that way, hadn’t he? Kept everything inside, hid things (especially from Aya), felt and became more and more isolated, went crazy, and finally turned on them like a rabid animal.

“I know I was kinda crazy at some points,” Ken said, “but I’m doing a lot better now. I’m staying aware of myself. And you didn’t have to worry about me keeping secrets from you.”

Aya’s mouth twitched. “Screaming them out in the open one night on the campus we’re investigating is not the best manner, place, or time.”

Ken smirked. “You didn’t have to punch me for it.”

“I told you we couldn’t talk there, you grabbed me, _and_ you wouldn’t stop talking. You needed to be punched.”

“Not like that stopped me from yelling.”

“True. I should have punched harder.”

When had that happened? Yoji said, “Aya, you don’t have to worry about me. We’re a team, right?”

Now that Aya had put it out there like that, Yoji being jealous of Ken would be an even stupider move. He resolved to grow up already.

“Yeah,” Ken replied with a smile.

“We just have to find a way to be a team that won’t alienate the new people we’ll be with,” Aya said. “I’ll be careful until I know how trustworthy they are, but we can’t isolate ourselves from them either.”

Yoji put his arm around Aya and pulled him in close. “We’ll be fine. You’ll be great, sunshine. They’ll be so impressed by us they won’t know what to do with themselves.”

“I’m closemouthed, stone-faced, and misanthropic.”

Ken said, “You impressed the hell out of Kyo and Sena--”

Aya interrupted, “For all the good that did them.”

“--and the kids in your classes loved you.”

“So if the London team is made up entirely of teenagers they’ll be eating out of the palms of my hands?”

“I have to see that,” Yoji said then smirked when Aya smacked his arm and said, “We have packing to do.”

Watching Aya crouch and stretch as he packed his box made Yoji happy, although he said, “Be careful with your wound.”

“I know. Pack your own box.”

“I am. Hey, Ken, you’re just gonna sit there and watch us?”

Ken grinned. “I _did_ my packing.”

“Then help!”

“I’m gonna tell Aya how to pack his box? Do you _know_ Aya?”

“Yeah, yeah. But we’re not entertainment for you!”

Aya just smiled as he wrapped his bag of killing needles inside one of his sweaters and put it into his box. If Mamoru had really listened, maybe Aya wouldn’t need to take the needles out ever again. Yoji hoped for that.

Aya didn’t have all that much, so he finished quickly. By contrast, Yoji had most of his worldly possessions with him. Speaking of.... “Ken, what happened to my old mission coats?”

“Like your clothing was my responsibility? None of us wanted or deserved to take the blame for what you wore.... We’d have to ask Mamoru.”

“That’s okay. I don’t think I want to ask him about my wardrobe. Seems like too small a thing to bother him on.”

All three of them turned a bit sad looking on that. Maybe Aya and Ken had that same sudden feeling that Yoji had as he remembered how involved Omi used to be in their lives before he’d become Mamoru. Fortunately, their food arrived and distracted them.

As they ate at the table together, Yoji thought about how this would be the last time the remnants of Weiß would have a table to themselves for a while. Aya had made a good point about not wanting to seem standoffish or cliquish in front of their new team.

Unfortunately, that brought him right back to Omi’s absence. Yoji remembered enough to know how gradually Omi had cut himself off from the team but didn’t remember how he’d dealt with it when he first realized they’d lost him for sure. To some extent, he found himself dealing with it now like he’d taken a fresh wound.

Aya moved his chair closer, making Yoji wonder if he’d been brooding so obviously that Aya thought he needed comforting, but he wouldn’t complain about the results. Hell, Aya could sit on his lap.

A sudden knock at the door brought Aya and Ken to their feet. Just from silently looking at each other they somehow decided who would go to the door, which turned out to be Ken. They each had a gun all of a sudden. Ken’s back skimmed the wall all the way to the door. All right, maybe Yoji _did_ have some remedial training to do.

After Ken quickly looked through the peephole he said softly and harshly, “It’s Mamoru!” before undoing the lock and slightly opening the door.

Yoji could vaguely hear Mamoru’s murmur of “I have bodyguards with me. They’ll stay in the hall,” before the former Omi walked in and smiled at them, seemingly pleased over them being hair-trigger and ready to kill him. Damn, Yoji had walked into a strange world, but he guessed this made some sense. Them being cautious gave them better chances at staying alive, something Mamoru claimed to want.

“We didn’t expect you,” Aya said, although some small light in his eyes showed his happiness to see Mamoru. “You didn’t have to come for the boxes yourself. The bodyguards--”

“Are loyal to me, rather than to Kritiker. They won’t say a word about any of you. I wanted to see all of you before you left,” Mamoru answered. “I’ll miss talking to you.”

“You can’t call us?” Ken asked.

“There’s some bad old history between Kritiker and this faction, so I can’t be too closely involved. I figure I should keep calls to a minimum, at least at first.”

“Is there anything we should be very careful not to say?” Aya asked.

“Not much. The higher-ups are already familiar with some of your work. Just don’t volunteer any information you don’t have to. That warning is more for Ken than you two.”

“Hey!” Ken protested.

“Aya doesn’t divulge much and Yoji doesn’t remember much. That leaves you.”

Mamoru had no idea that Yoji had remembered more, something Yoji had no urge to correct. From the look Aya shot him, Aya felt the same way.

“You could stay for dinner, right?” Ken asked. “You can just graze off our plates like you used to.”

Aya and Ken obviously missed Omi, something Yoji figured he’d do too if he remembered more.

Mamoru’s eyes looked a bit shinier, which made Yoji feel bad for him. How isolated had Mamoru become as the head of Kritiker and Takatori heir? “Sure I could stay for dinner.”

As Mamoru ate with them, taking bits off everyone’s plates, they all did mostly small talk, nothing about work or England. Yoji found it sad how many stilted or awkward moments ensued with those topics off the table, and from the occasional fleeting expressions on Aya and Ken’s faces it looked like they felt the same. Although Mamoru sometimes seemed to notice, he kept a smile throughout. Yoji sometimes felt cut off from Aya and Ken’s world, but with Mamoru it was far worse. Some vague memory of Mamoru saying that Omi was dead and had been weak helped explain it.

Did Mamoru have any regrets over the choices he’d made? He should.

“Do you have my old coats?” Yoji asked instead.

Surprise and sadness briefly broke through Mamoru’s mask of affability. “Yes. Do you want them?”

“Definitely.”

“I’ll have them shipped to you.”

At the end of the meal Mamoru handed them their tickets and had his henchmen come in to take the boxes out. “Thanks for dinner. I’m sure things will go well in England. Good night.”

“I’m off to my room too,” Ken said. “See you when it’s time to go.” He left with Mamoru and the bodyguards.

Although Yoji had been hoping earlier to get Aya into his erotic clutches, he took one look at Aya’s eyes and mouth now and knew it wouldn’t happen. Instead, he hugged his sunshine close, and Aya hugged him back. It felt so good to have him in his arms.

“I know,” Yoji said softly. At least he thought he knew. Last week Aya had nearly died because he’d stopped wanting to live. As much as he liked to flatter himself, Yoji knew that it hadn’t all been about him, so just getting him back wouldn’t be enough to fix Aya. Keeping Aya safe and happy would take thought, effort, and vigilance.

“That felt so final,” Aya murmured against his neck.

“I’m going to do the brave and stupid thing by being optimistic.”

Aya’s small laugh sounded only slightly bitter. “Thank you, Yoji.”

“That’s one of the things I’m here for.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“We have an early flight out, so we should go to bed early,” Aya said. “Besides, I don’t want to stay here much longer now that Mamoru’s guards know where we are.”

“You don’t trust much.”

“That’s right. I don’t. Consider yourself honored that I trust you.”

“I do.” Trying to lighten the mood and fishing a bit, Yoji asked, “So you want to get to bed early?”

Aya smiled a little. “To sleep.”

“I know. You’re not in the mood right now.”

“Precisely.”

Aya took his sleepwear into the bathroom to switch into them, certainly to avoid tempting Yoji by stripping in front of him and possibly to take temptation away from himself as well. By the time Aya returned Yoji had changed and gotten under the covers. Although he vaguely remembered sleeping nude a lot in the old days, he wore sweatpants now to show his commitment. After setting the clock’s alarm and turning the lamp off Aya came to bed, snuggling against him. Yoji put his arms around him and pulled him in as close as possible, immersing himself in his sunshine’s warmth and scent to ward off any bad dreams.


	11. "Why mess with tradition?"

When the alarm went off Yoji tried to flail around looking for the clock he needed to smack into silence but the lovely body tangled with his restrained him somewhat. He fleetingly thought, “Asuka,” before he remembered. Not Asuka, Aya. Aya, who made adorable grumpy noises as he turned the alarm off and the lamp on.

“Is it really that early?” Yoji moaned as he looked at the clock. He didn’t want to be awake, out of bed, and separated from Aya’s warm, alluring self.

“Yes. Airport,” Aya answered, eyelids at half-mast, as he picked up the clothes he’d set out for the day. “Shower will wake us up more.”

“Hey.”

Aya’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Shower separately. We want to get out of here soon.”

Although Yoji saw the sense in that, he answered, “No fun.”

“Yeah,” Aya agreed as he walked into the bathroom.

The feeling of having Aya nearby and the gentle sound of the shower running put Yoji back to sleep. He awoke to Aya shaking him, a few little droplets of water falling from his damp hair onto Yoji’s skin. “Get up, Yoji. We have to get going.”

“Don’ wanna....”

“I’m leaving no matter what you decide to do.”

“Bastard.” Yawning, Yoji trudged out of bed and gathered some clothes to take into the bathroom.

“I’m going to make sure Ken’s awake while you’re in the shower.”

“Yeah.”

The shower woke Yoji up a bit more, but he still felt like the walking dead. At least he hadn’t had any more freaky nightmares.

He returned to the bedroom in time to hear the end of Ken asking, “--medication?” At least Ken looked tired too.

Aya answered, “I’ll take it at the gate. I want to be alert during the cab ride.”

“Do you really think something will happen?”

“I hope nothing will, but I’ll feel safer with my senses sharp and ready.”

“As sharp as your pain?”

“It’s not as bad as it was. Really.”

Yoji wondered about that but didn’t challenge Aya on it. Instead he asked, “We’ll be eating breakfast at the airport?”

“It’s not like they set anything up here so early.”

“I’m done with my room,” Ken said. “Let’s finish here and get going. The car should arrive soon.”

Yoji felt kind of attached to this room--a lot had happened here--but he finished packing and left with them without saying anything about it. Besides, he was too busy listening to Aya bitching them out for refusing to let him carry any of the baggage. When they finished checking out they saw the cab waiting for them outside.

Inside the cab, Aya remained almost Abyssinian silent and focused while Ken fidgeted. With his excitement, nervousness, and hunger, Yoji felt nearly sick to his stomach and hoped he could grab some decent food in the airport to settle him down.

Although they made it through check-in and security just fine, Aya began to show his fatigue and pain after they’d started their wait at the gate they were departing from. A stranger would mistake it for sullen anger, but Yoji knew better. “Take your meds and grab a nap, Aya.”

“We have only a half hour to wait,” Aya protested. “We’re out in the open here--”

“Ken and I will guard you, here and on the plane.”

“A short nap will probably make me groggier and grumpier.”

Unfortunately, Aya was probably right. “Damn.”

Aya nearly smiled in reaction to that. “I’ll take the medication on the plane and nap there.”

“I’ll pick us up some breakfast, then.”

Food and tea helped settle all of them, and Aya held himself together through the wait and boarding. Once seated, he didn’t even protest when they handed him the tablets and a bottle of water.

Yoji had to say, “Good boy.”

Aya made an obscene gesture in response, but he looked much cuter when he passed out 15 minutes later with his head resting on Yoji’s shoulder. They’d considered how they wanted the seating arrangement on the plane and decided that Aya would get the aisle seat so he wouldn’t have to bend and fold himself to get out if he needed the lavatory. Yoji had demanded the middle seat and let Ken get the window seat. Thankfully, Ken hadn’t argued. Much.

Aya looked so cute napping on Yoji’s shoulder, even though his head felt damned heavy. His face smoothed out by sleep and the escape from pain, he looked younger and... sweet. Yoji wanted to cuddle him.

Yoji felt guilty over his gratitude that their reunion happened right after Aya had gotten injured. It sounded _horrible_. Still, would Aya have given in to him so quickly otherwise? Aya’s stubbornness, defensive walls, and prickly pride could be formidable. Instead, Aya had arrived vulnerable and weary, _needing_ him, and it felt good and reassuring to be needed. It gave Yoji a purpose.

Besides, things Ken and Aya said about it made Yoji think that the nearly fatal experience had served as a wakeup call for Aya and shown him that he really didn’t want to die yet. Yoji might have been able to help him with that if he had to, but it worked so much better when Aya discovered it on his own.

Ken had a somewhat goofy look on his face as he looked across Yoji to watch Aya sleep. Yoji had to ask, “When the hell did _this_ start?”

“This?”

“You about Aya.”

“I don’t have to answer that.”

“We have a long, boring flight sitting together, and you know my powers of annoyance increase when I’m bored.”

After making a sound of frustration, Ken leaned against Yoji a bit so he could be heard while whispering. “Do you remember when Persia told us to leave the school mission unfinished?”

“Vaguely.”

“Aya refused to obey.”

“Okay, _that_ I definitely remember. But weren’t you the one telling Aya that he _had_ to obey and Persia’s order was absolute or some shit?”

“In the shock of the moment, yeah, but afterward I kept thinking about it. I remembered that once upon a time we were given the option of refusing to do things. Omi hadn’t been the one to change that, but he hadn’t changed it back when he became the one who handed the missions down. Aya was refusing to leave because people, _kids_ , were in danger and the people who were behind it needed to be stopped. That’s supposed to be what the team is about. With kids’ lives in danger, it didn’t matter to him that Kritiker would send a team to kill him for refusing to obey.”

For Weiß, that was romance. “That’s when you fell in love?”

“I don’t know if you can pin the exact moment to that, but that’s when I realized that I needed to help him be that and needed to be with him. I offered to run off and be real Weiß with him, but he refused me. He didn’t want assassins coming after me too.” Ken smiled ruefully. “I think I also annoyed him by asking the way I did. Anyway, it turned into a punching match.”

“Why mess with tradition?”

“Yeah.” The fond look turned sad. “But then the mission ended the way it did, and there was no way I could make a move on him while he sat at your bedside daily desperately hoping you’d wake up. When he couldn’t take it anymore and Mamoru assigned him to the United States, I could’ve said something to him but couldn’t figure out what the hell to say. Was I supposed to tell him not to be so miserable because you may have been a coma but I was ready to slip right in? No. So he left without another word, and I got... a little crazier for a while after that.”

What would Yoji have done if he’d regained his memories but Aya and Ken had become an item? What would _Aya_ have done? Damn, he was lucky.

Ken continued, “Then we almost _lost_ him.... You’re serious about being with Aya, right?”

“Totally.”

“Because if you’re not serious or you change your mind, or if you fuck with his head,” Ken said softly but with feeling, “I will _kill_ you. Literally. He’s been through enough.”

“We all have.”

“...yeah.”

“I have no intention of toying with him. I know how lucky I am to get this second chance, and I know I almost lost him in New York.”

“Keep all that in mind.”

Aya murmured and moved restlessly. Yoji put the blanket over him more securely and let himself stroke Aya’s hair once. In such a public place he couldn’t do more.

But, damn, Aya’s head was _heavy_. Yoji hadn’t given any thought before to how much a head weighed and how bony his own shoulder was. It would be a _long_ flight.

Ken already had headphones on, off in his own little world. Sighing, Yoji opened one of his magazines.


	12. "I told you he's a pervert."

Although Aya awoke during the last hour of the flight, he felt somewhat ashamed of himself. No matter how much trust he put in Yoji and Ken, it felt irresponsible and sinful to sleep that long in public where they’d have to guard him. Still, they’d probably just tell him to get used to working with partners again.

By the time they departed the plane Aya had thankfully lost every trace of grogginess he felt. He needed to be sharp and alert while dealing with their new co-workers.

“You think she’s here for us?” Ken asked with a smile.

“You mean the Japanese sexy librarian chick holding up the sign for ‘The Hidaka family’? Probably, though I don’t know why you’d get star billing,” Yoji answered. “Maybe she’s Mihirogi Nana.”

“Let’s find out,” Aya said.

The expression on her face as they approached her certainly suggested that she’d expected them. When Aya reached her and said, “I think that’s us,” she answered in English, “You three are the White party?”

Sometimes this life could be like something out of a bad spy movie. Aya felt the temptation to give her some kind of ridiculous counter phrase, like “An infant in your lap can dampen your spirits,” but he actually said, also in English, “That would be us.”

“Good. I’m Nana. Let’s pick up your luggage and move on.”

“I’ll be thrilled to move on.”

Yoji and Ken shared an amused look between them, probably about him. Either Nana didn’t see it or she decided not to say anything about it.

To Aya’s annoyance, Yoji and Ken wouldn’t let him take his luggage off the conveyor belt or take it to the car, though at least they didn’t make a big show of it, just got to it first and wouldn’t hand it over when he wordlessly reached for it, taking advantage of his unwillingness to make a scene in front of Mihirogi-san. Aya couldn’t tell if she’d noticed or made any assumptions about him or them from it.

What if they also decided that Ken had a... _thing_ for him? They’d probably quickly figure out Aya’s relationship with Yoji. With all that in mind, if they wanted to force Ken and Yoji to do things for them they might try to use Aya as a hostage for their good behavior.

 _Did_ Ken have a thing for him? He didn’t want to think about it but might have to.

Their little procession halted at a big, expensive-looking black car. The smirking blond man in the driver’s seat gave them a long, measuring look, and Aya swore that insolent gaze rested on him the longest. Once they had the luggage in the trunk, Mihirogi-san sat in the front and gestured the three of them to sit in the backseat. At least they had plenty of room. Ken and Yoji had arranged it so Aya would sit in the middle between them. Damn it, he felt far too coddled. It was insulting. He’d have to talk to them about this the next time they had some privacy.

A few minutes after the blond man started driving them away, she said, “Please call me ‘Nana,’ and this is Chloé. You’ll meet the rest of us soon.”

“Our mutual acquaintance was a bit short on details concerning your group,” Aya said.

“We have some common ground. Like you, I left Kritiker. When Takatori Shuichi was the top commander, Persia, and Nakatsugawa Kyosuke was the vice commander, I was a secretary to Persia. When Nakatsugawa stopped approving of Shuichi’s policy and methods, they parted company. I felt the same, so I left Shuichi as well. As I think you already know, Shuichi exploited Weiß as a tool for his own revenge. After having left Weiß, Nakatsugawa created a new organization with the second generation of Weiß as…you probably know the story up to this point. After that, I went overseas in despair. As of now I belong to Kryptonbrand, KB, here in the United Kingdom. I’ll tell you more when you join us.”

That explained some of Mamoru’s more mysterious comments. “We’re open to hearing more, but we can’t guarantee that we’ll join you.”

“But you came to us. That suggests you’re interested.”

“We _are_ interested. We wouldn’t have come this far otherwise.” Considering what she’d already said.... “To start with, there’s something important I need to know. A moment ago you mentioned the second generation of Weiß. Did you know a person who called himself ‘Shion’?”

“Shion? Of course. He had a strong sense of justice--”

“He was my mentor. And then I killed him.” Aya felt Yoji flinch a bit beside him, so he quietly put his hand on Yoji’s knee. Perhaps Yoji didn’t remember this, but Aya would never be able to forget it.

“I see. No wonder you know how to use a sword, having been taught by Shion. But why did you kill him, since he was your mentor…?”

“As we keep murdering people, we tend to lose a certain sense.... The more we kill, the more we feel we’re doing the right thing and the more desensitized we become. It just makes us nothing more than killers deprived of morals. It’s too late by the time we realize it, because by that time we’re at the bottom of a deep, deep darkness we can no longer get ourselves out of. After that, we can only wait for someone to put an end to our lives. Shion was killing too often and lost sight of things.”

“And you were the one who could terminate him.”

“Right.”

“What do you want us to say?” Chloé asked.

“Can you say that your team won’t become like Shion? That you can keep killing without becoming senseless murderers?”

“We will not become senseless murderers,” Chloé said suddenly.

“Indeed, we won’t,” Nana said. “We have important missions. As long as we have that, we won’t become that.”

“We swore to God we wouldn’t, no matter what happens.”

“That’s easy to say but not so easy to do,” Aya answered.

“As we’ve told you, we have our own minds and will,” Nana said. “What about you then?”

“I won’t become like that. I’m carrying the responsibility of those I killed, like crosses on my back. If you break your promise to me, I’ll kill you without hesitation. Having me with you means that. Can you accept that?”

Ken gripped Aya’s arm hard in what might be warning, but too bad. Letting him do all the talking for Weiß meant that Ken and Yoji had to go along with what Aya said, and Aya had no intention of being a killing tool who followed orders without comment again or a party to bloodlust. It was better to be honest and let these people know that up front. Given his long ago assertion about wanting to be “real Weiß” with Aya, Ken should have expected and supported him on that. Aya had the impression--hopefully a correct one--that Yoji was nervous but supportive of him.

If these people wanted to change the terms later as Kritiker had, maybe this would make them think twice.

“Interesting,” Nana answered. “Try us.”

“That’s what we’re here for, to try you,” Aya said.

“We’ve arrived.”

Chloé had driven them to a palatial estate and stopped the car near a mansion that in some ways resembled a castle. Aya tried not to be intimidated by it and noticed Ken reacting a little too openly. Yoji managed to look blank.

“You’ll meet our leader and make your decision on whether you’ll join us and live with us,” she said.

Aya didn’t argue when Ken and Yoji took his luggage for him _again_ , but he briefly set his hand on Yoji’s watch-bearing wrist and gave him a look. He hated going into a situation like this with only Yoji armed, but they would do what they had to. When Yoji nodded at him, Aya could only hope that he understood that he might have to help defend Weiß against their hosts. If it came to that, Aya really hoped Yoji wouldn't have to kill anyone to get them out of here.

The interior was as luxurious and imposing as the building’s exterior. There were far too many places an assassin could use for cover, which left Aya on edge throughout their walk. He also couldn’t help wondering how much all the art so casually on display was worth. They finally stopped in a large room, not far from an older man and what was either a young girl or a young boy.

“It’s Mihirogi,” Nana said. “We’re back.”

“Good,” the older man said. “You three are previous members of the third generation of Weiß? Aya, or Fujimiya Ran, Hidaka Ken, and Kudou Yoji. I’m Richard Kripton, the leader of Kryptonbrand. As former members of Weiß you should already have some idea of what we’re about and how things work, since we’re not so different. Thus, I’ll get straight to the point. Join us.”

“For what reason?” Aya asked.

“To protect the weak. We call it ‘justice.’”

“That’s rather grandiose.”

“I believe the powerless and oppressed should be defended. You won’t question our missions, but I don’t make random decisions nor will I allow any political reasons to influence those decisions. In Kryptonbrand you’re free to hold your own beliefs as long as you don’t jeopardize our efforts to achieve justice. If you agree, our team will fight at your side with all our strength.”

“I feel that the crosses you have sworn to bear.... It’s the same as our convictions,” Nana said.

Ken and Yoji nodded, so Aya replied, “We’ll trust your word. We agree.”

“Before we formally accept you, we need to see your strengths,” Chloé said. “You need to convince us of your value. I want a simulated battle.”

“Chloé,” Nana said.

“I think Chloé’s right,” the young... boy said. “My name is Michel, and I’m glad to meet all of you, but I want to see how you work for myself. I’m also a member of Kryptonbrand.”

“If you don’t take Michel seriously, you’ll find it to be a painful experience,” Nana said.

“What do you think, Aya?” Chloé asked, still giving Aya that insolent, penetrating stare. “We won’t aim at your stomach, and we realize that Balinese has been on disability leave for a while and probably isn’t at full strength.”

Dear Mamoru, telling us exactly what you told these people before we left would have been a good idea. No love, Aya. Although Aya had to admit to himself that he could have _asked_.

Aya wanted to sigh, but he understood their concerns and answered, “No problem, but have our weapons arrived yet? They were shipped here separately. We could face you barehanded, but you might prefer to see our usual fighting methods.”

“We do prefer to see you with your weapons,” Chloé replied.

“You’ll be staying with us,” Richard Kripton said. “Are you hungry?”

Aya looked at Ken and Yoji, gauging their reactions, then answered, “No, not right now. We had a very early morning wakeup followed by a long plane ride. If there’s some place we can rest for a while, that would be appreciated.” Aya didn’t care whether they spoke Passive-Aggressive or not; some things needed to be put out there.

“As I said, you’ll be staying here. Michel will lead you to the guest rooms. We’ll ring for you when dinner is ready.”

“Thank you. We’ll see you later.”

It pleased Aya that Ken and Yoji had the discipline not to say anything in the halls Michel led them through. At last the boy said, “These rooms are open to you. I can’t wait to see how you fight! I’d really like to have you on our team. See you later.”

Once Michel was out of sight, Aya tilted his head toward the door of one of the rooms and got a warm feeling when Yoji and Ken walked in without a word. It had been so long since he’d worked with people who knew him and didn’t need much coaching. It had been a long time since he’d worked with _anyone_. Even better, Ken was already checking it for bugs when Aya entered. Aya helped, looking through the connected bathroom.

“I didn’t find anything,” Ken said in Japanese.

“Me neither,” Aya answered in the same, then quietly said, “That was a lot of English in there. Is there anything you felt you missed?” He stayed by the door, listening for anyone eavesdropping in the hall.

“I’m fine with it,” Yoji answered, also keeping his voice very low.

“I think I picked up the important stuff,” Ken said. “I understand English better than I speak it.”

“If you think you’re missing anything in the future, talk to me about it to see if I got it,” Aya said.

“Will do. I’m not _that_ proud.”

“Sure,” Yoji answered.

“What do you think of our possible future co-workers so far?” Aya asked.

“I think it’s too soon to really say yet,” Ken replied quietly. “Though Michel does make Omi look butch.”

“Young and cheerful.... So far it’s disconcertingly familiar. He’s not the leader, though.”

“It’s weird, but I won’t let any slim resemblance to Omi affect my behavior.”

“Good.”

“The guy named the team after himself?” Yoji asked.

“I’ll reserve judgment on what that means,” Aya said. “We don’t know what Mihirogi’s talents and role are yet, so we should be careful of her. It also means that we can’t speak Japanese thinking people won’t understand what we’re saying. Then there’s Chloé--” Aya had to smile at the way they both bristled. They must have noticed the insolent looks too. “My guess is that they have Chloé staring at me to distract us and fluster me.”

“You think Chloé is staring at you like that just as a distraction?” Yoji asked.

“Forget it, Yoji,” Ken said. “We’ve been here before. He doesn’t see it.”

It annoyed the hell out of Aya. “Why do I think that? Because it’s working. You were both distracted, and I’m flustered and annoyed.”

“...I actually can’t argue with that,” Ken said.

“If he’s so hot to see us in action, I say we cram it down his throat when the time comes. Stop laughing, both of you.”

“It’s not my fault you can be unintentionally funny,” Ken answered.

“I’m ignoring you,” Aya answered. “I hate you being in this position, Yoji.”

Yoji looked rueful. “I actually have my weapon with me, so tonight I can practice and limber up. Some of the... body memories have come back to me about using it.”

“No offense, but you can’t get all your strength and flexibility back that quickly.”

“None taken, sunshine, because you’re right about that.”

“We can take up the slack,” Ken said.

“But not too obviously,” Aya said. “I don’t want them to start targeting Yoji because our behavior makes them see him as a weak link.”

“But I _am_ ,” Yoji answered. “At least for now.”

“Neither of you should coddle me either.”

“That’s not stopping, though we’ll try to be subtle about it. I don’t want you getting hurt worse just because you have no patience with yourself, and I’m sure Ken agrees.” Yoji smiled when Ken nodded in support.

Aya should have known they’d be stubborn. “But--”

“No. We care about you, and we’re not going to stop just because your pride might be injured.”

“...fine.”

“Good. And I see that you don’t trust Chloé’s word about keeping our condition in mind.”

“It would be foolhardy to trust that,” Aya replied. “Besides, he wanted to fight us right after we finished a long plane ride, so I doubt he’ll abide by other niceties.”

“Do you think he wants us to fail?” Ken asked.

“I think he’s a pervert. Otherwise, I have no idea. What’s so funny?”

Ken and Yoji managed to straighten their faces, but after Yoji said, “I think you’re right,” they both went into small coughing fits.

“I’m glad I amuse the two of you.”

“Did you really have to tell them you’d kill them if they got out of line?” Ken asked. “You know, when we were in the car.”

“We faced so much shit in Weiß’s final days. To avoid wasting everyone’s time, I want to make sure they know in advance that I’m not going to tolerate anything like it again. They didn’t seem to mind.”

“I think Chloé even liked it,” Yoji said.

“I told you he’s a pervert. No, don’t start cracking up on me again. Meeting adjourned?”

“Yeah,” Ken replied. “I think I’ll take a nap. I’m feeling kind of jet lagged. Don’t worry; I’ll check for bugs and lock my door... except that they probably have keys since it’s Kripton’s mansion, right?”

“Maybe you could nap lightly.”

Ken grinned and shook his head. “Sure, Aya. See you guys later.”

Once Ken left, Yoji locked the door again, set a chair propped under the door knob, and said, “Maybe he’s getting better. At least since last night.”

“Hmm?” Aya asked.

Yoji hugged Aya close. “He’s learned to leave us alone, at least sometimes.”

It felt so good to be like this with Yoji. Aya let a breath out, relaxed, and hugged back.


	13. "Is my show of affection *boring* you?"

A few days ago Yoji had been a different man--an often frustrated, confused, and helpless one--with a different name in a different country paired with a different person. It still blew his mind how quickly and totally things had changed.

It amazed Yoji to realize that he’d missed all this: the team, the posturing, and Aya with his spine straight and hard as iron as he spoke in Abyssinian’s deeper voice and radiated implacable purpose. Of course, Yoji hadn’t yet fought at their side or killed anyone, so he didn’t know how he’d react to _that_.

No matter. He had Aya here with him and _so_ sexy. “I want you.”

Aya smirked at him. “Because Chloé is a pervert and you want to stake your claim?”

“What? Hell no. I don’t need an excuse. I wanted you last night too, but Ken got in the way.”

“Uh-huh. That’s really all.”

“Well, I know you have a thing for blond lotharios, and I wanted to remind you that you already have a good one trained.”

Chloé hadn’t just drooled over Aya; he’d disrespected him too by being so blatant, smarmy, and gauche about it. Aya deserved so much better, knew it, and wouldn’t go for that.

“Is that really a worry?”

The way Aya asked that actually gave Yoji a little shiver of fear. “Should it be?” Surely not.

“I thought _you_ were annoying at first too...” Aya smiled with fake sweetness, “but no, you don’t have to worry.”

“That was mean!”

“I need to amuse myself somehow.”

“ _I’ll_ amuse you. Oh wait, that didn’t come out right.”

Yoji stroked Aya’s soft hair, pressing hard enough to stroke Aya’s scalp with his fingertips as well, and smiled as Aya pressed closer and rubbed up against him in response, so much like a cat slutting up to someone to demand a petting. Smiling, Yoji rubbed back and kept stroking. How could he have forgotten this bit about Aya and his hair? This had been one of Yoji’s favorite things in his sunshine’s carefully hidden sensual side. Not many people knew how horny Aya could get either.

Maybe Ken had become interested in Aya from seeing Aya doing sexy things with Yoji during all those times he’d walked in on them and thus realizing that Aya could be sexy and lustful? That was so fucking unfair!

“What are you thinking about?” Aya asked, his voice sounding deeper, already getting that sex-inspired rumble that destroyed Yoji’s ability to think.

“Ken.” When Yoji saw the look on Aya’s face, he immediately protested, “No, not like that!”

Aya’s right eyebrow stayed raised. “I should hope not.”

After how long he’d waited, Yoji had no intention of being the one who broke the sex mood now. “Let’s not mention him again. Aya, I know you don’t feel totally secure here, but if we slept we’d be even more vulnerable and if someone interrupts us while we’re fucking I’ll kill them. Hell, getting my first new kill out of the way would even help the team out.”

“That’s... really inspired reasoning, Yoji.” Aya’s mouth twitched.

“You inspire me.” Yoji continued his grind and ended one hair stroking by pulling at Aya’s hair a bit, which made Aya grind more enthusiastically. Fuck, yes. Still gripping Aya’s hair, Yoji kissed him and moaned as he kissed back, humming against Yoji’s lips. Aya put his hands on Yoji’s ass to press him closer and direct him a bit as he deepened the kiss.

When Yoji broke his lips away for a moment to take a deeper breath, he said, “Too much clothing. We should at least get our coats off.”

Aya tossed his coat to a nearby chair, horniness apparently overcoming the urge to be neat about it, which made Yoji want to preen. He tossed his coat to land over it, not quite as neatly, because how could he care about such things when he had a very ready and mussed Aya looking at him with such heat in his eyes? It always amazed him how lust transformed Aya, making his lips fuller from kissing, darkening his eyes as his pupils dilated, and putting color into his cheeks.

Aya didn’t unbutton his shirt fast enough for Yoji’s tastes so Yoji brushed his fingers away and unbuttoned it himself, letting his fingertips stroke Aya’s warm skin. Once he had it open he pushed it back and down his sunshine’s arms, his lust further stoked by the sight of all that bare, if scarred, skin. The scars made him angry and sad, and he wanted the bandages gone soon too. Aya’s increased vulnerability might have made him more open to Yoji during their reunion, but Yoji of course wanted his sunshine to be strong, whole, and pain-free.

The only reason Yoji didn’t yank his own sweater off and chuck it away was that he decided to make a show of it instead, making the removal look as sexy as possible before he let it fall to the floor. He unzipped his fly slowly and sexily. Aya quirked an eyebrow at all of that, which made Yoji put a lot of mock petulance into his voice as he asked, “Does that mean you don’t think I’m sexy?”

“It means I think you overdo it.” But he hugged Yoji to make up for that.

As touching as Aya’s show of sentiment was, Yoji ran his hands up and down Aya’s back and wondered how he could get the lust back on track. “Sex is supposed to be fun too, you know.”

“Is my show of affection _boring_ you?”

Was that Aya being prickly or teasing? Yoji couldn’t tell. “No.” Yoji decided to not take anything for granted. “It’s just that I want you so much. I just got you back.... I want you to fuck me.”

From the surprise and desire in Aya’s look, Yoji had made the right call. This time Aya started backing him up toward the bed as they kissed. Better, much better. Yoji let himself fall backwards onto the bed and smiled as Aya stood between his parted legs and looked down at the view. To make that view better Yoji wiggled his hips in his best “come and get me” manner and pushed his pants and briefs down more to release his cock. In response, Aya unzipped his fly and let his pants and underwear drop to the floor. Oh yes.

“I want that,” Yoji said breathily and pulled everything further down and off.

As Aya climbed up onto the bed and sat between Yoji’s parted legs with a very intense look in his eyes, he asked, “Supplies?”

“My left coat pocket.”

“You’re an optimist.” Aya stretched to get it. Yoji could happily watch that for ages. Then Aya put the condom on his hard cock, which gave Yoji a new wonderful thing to look at.

It felt so odd when Aya slid a lubricated finger in to open him up, simultaneously familiar and unfamiliar, uncomfortable and good. As Ryou he’d been a buttsex virgin. When Aya stroked his prostate, Yoji moaned and clenched his hands on the sheets at the sensation that shot through him. How could he have ever forgotten something that felt that incredible?

“Aya, more!”

Looking smug, Aya asked, “Are you certain?”

“Yes!”

Aya complied. Yoji writhed on the fingers fucking him and pushed himself downward trying to get them deeper. When Aya started kissing his belly as well, Yoji stroked Aya’s soft red hair, which earned him a smile that made his heart pound. Loved him. Loved him so much, and not just because he was gorgeous.

“Give it to me,” Yoji said.

Aya licked a hard stripe down the length of Yoji’s cock, making him groan, then asked, “Give you what?”

“You want... words after that?”

“Yes.”

“Your cock. Fuck me with it. Now.”

“Are you sure you’re--”

Tease. To think that Yoji had once encouraged Aya to show more of a sense of humor and be more spontaneous. “I’m ready. I’m so ready.”

Aya did it in a slow slide, no doubt doing it gradually to give Yoji more time to adjust. That kindness backfired because that slow burn and the anticipation tormented Yoji. Unable to stand it, he pushed himself down and gasped as Aya brushed his sweet spot, sending sparks of pleasure rushing through him. Aya panted above him, appearing to have only a tenuous hold on his self-control. It made Yoji feel better to know he wasn’t alone in that. They stayed still and breathed together for a few moments. He had Aya _inside_ him again, finally, and dimly hoped that his clenching hands didn’t leave bruises on his sunshine’s pale skin.

“Aya... move. Please....”

Aya started with a rocking motion and gradually gained speed as Yoji made sounds of enjoyment to encourage him. They kissed feverishly, working themselves up further. Sometimes Yoji’s hard cock rubbed against Aya’s body, providing welcome friction. One of Aya’s hands started to move toward it, but Yoji said, “No. I’ll do that. Just fuck me hard.”

Aya actually _growled_ , which almost made Yoji come right then. While he didn’t fuck Yoji all that hard--probably still concerned for Ryou’s “virgin” ass--his thrusts turned faster and deeper, so good. Aside from his cock-stroking hand, Yoji wrapped himself around Aya to make sure he didn’t get away. Or stop. Yoji would kill him if he stopped.

Kissing, grinding, moaning, they moved together hungrily. Drowing in sensation, Yoji felt orgasm building, so close. “Aya....”

When Aya bit his neck, Yoji came hard, crying out with it, and Aya quickly followed in a few hard thrusts. Yoji felt wonderful: loose and happy and relaxed and loved. Even the aches felt good. They ended lying next to each other, close.

Aya twitched as Yoji fingercombed his hair out of his face, apparently still sensitive. He looked relaxed and half-asleep, adorable. Yoji was ready for a nap himself. They could wash up later.

When Aya’s nose wrinkled, Yoji asked, “What?”

“I have to change my bandage. We made a bit of a mess of it. You don’t have to get up with me.”

“I want to.” He didn’t want to let Aya out of his sight for long.

As Yoji stood behind Aya in the bathroom he couldn’t help looking into the mirror. “Damn, we look good together.”

Having removed the last of the old bandage, Aya said, “I don’t--”

Taking the chance that Aya would chew him out for it, Yoji set his fingers beneath Aya’s chin and tilted his face upwards, making him look up a bit more. He could tell Aya saw it when a smile came to Aya’s lips in answer to the one the mirror showed Yoji had on his as he stood pressed to his sunshine’s back with his arms around him. Aya had probably only noticed his own scars before.

Yoji liked this mirror thing a lot, how it let him watch what he did. Intrigued, he stroked without looking anywhere but their reflection, seeing his hands moving over Aya’s pale skin and rippling muscles. Arching his back, which pressed his ass against Yoji’s cock, Aya half-closed his eyes and bared the elegant column of his neck as his hands settled over Yoji’s, moving with them. He could see Aya’s dick starting to rise again.

“Can we do this... in the shower?” Aya asked softly, his voice coming out deeper and husky. “Then nap until dinner.”

Yoji kissed and sucked at a spot low on his neck. One of Aya’s high-collared shirts would probably hide it. “I like the mirror, though, and you don’t have to multi-task _all_ the time.”

Squirming in an annoyed way instead of a sexy one, Aya said, “ _I_ don’t like the mirror.”

“You like being touched just fine.” Yoji demonstrated.

“With the mirror, it’s like you’re having sex with yourself instead of me, like I’m a toy or prop for you to masturbate with. I’m not doing that.”

Shit. “That’s totally not what I’m doing. Really. I’ll explain how a mirror can be fun for the both of us--” Yoji could _feel_ Aya’s temper burning through an ever shorter fuse, “--but not today. No mirror today. But what just happened is good!”

“How?” Aya asked through clenched teeth.

“Because this time when we had a disagreement we discussed the problem and took care of it. It’s communication.”

Aya’s anger-stiffened body regained some pliancy. “Hmm.”

“It’s a big step forward. Shower now?”

Aya turned around in his embrace and kissed him. “Yes.”


	14. "On behalf of sex fiends everywhere, I'm insulted."

The phone ringing woke Aya up. He managed to find it mostly by listening and groping for it and hoped he sounded awake when he put the receiver to his ear and asked, “Hello?”

“Dinner will be served in 20 minutes. Please do us the honor of joining us,” Mihirogi said.

“Thanks. We’ll be there soon.”

“Excellent. Michel will be there in about 20 minutes to show you to the dining room. Good-bye.”

As Aya hung up the receiver, he heard Yoji grumble sleepily behind him and rub himself against Aya’s ass, which made Aya half-hard and brought back vivid memories of the two of them sliding their soap-slicked bodies together in the shower as they kissed and stroked. They’d spent nearly an hour in there engrossed in each other and only left it when the water turned too cold.

Once upon a time Aya had felt an uncomplicated and righteous contempt for men who let themselves be ruled by their dicks. That had been before Yoji had infected him by making Aya’s dick louder. Hopefully their reunion would work the way their original sexual relationship had, starting out constant and wild before settling into something saner though no less passionate. (Well, a saner yet passionate sexual relationship until everything started to fall apart and a distance grew and widened between them, which Aya didn’t want to repeat.)

He’d gone from famine to feast again, and while he appreciated a lot of it, the timing left a lot to be desired. Distracted, he could hurt the team as well as himself, especially as they tried to navigate their way through relations with these strangers.

As he tried to will away his erection, Aya said, “You couldn’t have slept through that ringing.”

“...mmph?”

“Yoji.”

Yoji’s hands slid up and down Aya’s bare chest. “I’d rather stay in bed with you.”

Aya would _not_ relent. “I see the appeal, but we have people to impress.”

“We could still impress them if we--”

“I’m not letting anyone watch us having sex.”

“That wasn’t what I was going to say--”

“Really?”

“--but I like the thought. Kinky!”

“Yoji.”

“All right. We’ll get ready and go to dinner. You’ll need to eat to have energy for later.”

“You just don’t stop.” But Aya smiled.

“I’m learning from my mistakes.” Yoji stroked some of Aya’s hair out of the way to kiss the back of his neck.

The feeling of it made Aya’s brain melt, but he managed to say, “This isn’t helping us get out of bed.”

“Okay. Okay!” Yoji let go of him and backed off, which made a lot of things easier.

“Good. Let’s get dressed and go watch these people in their natural habitat.”

Someone knocked at the door. “What do you want to bet that’s Ken?” Yoji asked.

“I’m sure it’s Ken.” Unerringly, if accidentally, protecting Aya’s virtue again. Aya pulled on some underwear and a pair of pants to strengthen his resistance to Yoji’s erotic charms and walked to the door. “Who is it?” he asked, though he didn’t move the chair aside or unlock and open the door.

“It’s Ken. Did you get the call to dinner?”

“Yes,” Aya answered. “We haven’t finished dressing, though. Come back in 15 minutes?”

“Sure!”

Now that he thought about it, those calls would let their hosts confirm that their three guests had taken only two rooms. Aya hadn’t given much thought to how and when he’d let them know about his relationship with Yoji because he’d wanted a better idea of who they were as people before he formulated a strategy. He may have accidentally made an announcement after all by taking Yoji to bed here. If he’d been thinking clearer he might have chosen differently, but done was done. If they had problems with it, they could let him go now instead of wasting their time and his.

“What’s going on, Aya?” Yoji asked as he started to dress.

“Nothing. I was just thinking.”

“It can be dangerous to think too much.”

“How would you know?”

“Ha, ha. Like what you see?” Yoji did a little pose.

“Definitely.” Aya liked the soft little belly Yoji had right now--it made him a bit plush and proved that he was eating better--but didn’t pay much obvious attention to it because Yoji already had a complex over it. It made him vaguely sad that it would cease to exist once Yoji got himself back into fighting shape to work with the team.

What kind of Yoji would he end up with? He currently had someone who was a mix of an earlier Yoji and Itou Ryou. It scared him sometimes when he thought about the ways Yoji could change depending on which memories he recovered and embraced.

Still, Aya had chosen this, and life always involved risks. Besides, Aya was accustomed to watching the people around him for personality discrepancies and the possibility of betrayal. Though none of those people were as deep into his personal space as Yoji was.

Enough blithering!

Yoji smiled. “At least you think I’m pretty, even if you don’t love me for my mind.”

“I love you. Stop fishing for more compliments.”

Aya finished buttoning his shirt. Hopefully the high collar would hide Yoji’s love marks. He couldn’t even dissuade Yoji from marking him up by reciprocating because Yoji appeared to _enjoy_ getting his neck bitten and sucked on. Not that Aya hated it himself, but he had some sense of propriety and found it tacky to announce one’s sex life to the world on visible skin.

Had Ryou shared Yoji’s fetish for necks? Had Asuka gone through their life together perpetually marked with hickeys?

No, he didn’t want to think about that!

“You’re definitely thinking too much,” Yoji said.

“I agree.”

“I know how to fix that.” His face far too innocent, Yoji waved a brush at him. “C’mere.”

“We have to go to dinner soon.”

“Right. Your hair should be neat for that.”

“I can brush it neat myself. If _you_ do it, the brushing will turn into something else.” It had been ages since Yoji had brushed his hair for him, but his cock still twitched just remembering how good it had felt.

“Nothing wrong with that.”

Why did Yoji have to make this offer right now? “Whether we join their team or not, I want to make a good impression on these people. I don’t want them thinking we’re crazed sex fiends who can’t keep an appointment. I don’t want anyone to think that.”

“On behalf of sex fiends everywhere, I’m insulted.”

Aya heard a knock at the door, quickly followed by “Are you guys decent?” Saved by Ken. Again.

“Yes!” Aya called back as he walked to the door and let him in.

“Ken, your timing sucks,” Yoji said.

Ken smirked. “You were trying to tempt Aya back into bed, huh?”

“And I would have gotten away with it too if not for your meddling.”

“I’m not that weak,” Aya answered.

“Of course not, Aya.”

Aya had to raise an eyebrow at that. “You better not be patronizing me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. I know you’d kill me.”

“Good.”

The fluffy boy, Michel, showed up about three minutes later and asked, “Is everyone ready?”

“Yes.”

“Good! Follow me.”

******************************************************

The room and table they held the dinner at looked like something out of a movie. Yoji was kind of impressed. Ken seemed to be too. As far as Yoji could tell, Aya was marking the exits. He appreciated Aya being paranoid so he and Ken could react like yokels for a little bit.

They might need to play a version of Good Cop, Bad Cop during the upcoming dinner conversation, but the possibility didn’t worry Yoji because they were good at it. Aya made a great bad cop, mostly because he wasn’t playing. Hell, he’d already told them he’d kill them if they went dark side.

They all started off with meaningless pleasantries and quiet appreciation of the food. Boring stuff, though he liked the food. Yoji caught Chloé watching Aya sometimes and glanced over at Ken once or twice so they could share a moment of annoyance over it.

After a while, Aya said, “I’d really like to hear more about what life would be like for us with your group.”

“We can’t go into much detail until your induction,” Richard Kripton said.

“Hmm,” Aya answered without hiding much of his annoyance. “That could be a problem for us.”

“I’m wondering if we’ll be eating like this all the time,” Yoji said.

“No, you’ll be living near the shop that will be your cover,” Kripton replied. “I won’t be feeding you all the time.”

Aya’s lips briefly curved into a small smile. Yeah, Yoji had missed their teamwork.

“I’ve heard a bit about you, Aya,” Chloé said.

“From whom?” Aya asked.

“I suppose you can consider him your agent,” Kripton said. “But we’re eager to see for ourselves.”

“It doesn’t seem balanced. You seem to have all the advantages here.”

“A lot of things will change after the mock battle. With luck, we can settle it tomorrow.”

“Hmm.”

Dinner continued in that polite yet uncomfortable vein, making Yoji happy to see the end of it. “Do you have any plans for us for the evening?” Aya asked.

“Do you have something in mind?” Kripton replied.

“We obviously can’t disclose much to each other until the battle settles our place with you, so I thought that Yoji, Ken, and I might get some exercise in tonight. In private.”

Duh, but Yoji could understand Aya worrying that the Kryptonbrand people would want to butt in to get a preview of what they’d be up against. Judging from Chloé’s brief reaction, Aya’s preemptive verbal strike had been necessary.

“Understandable. We have a workout room you can use. Michel can show you the way.”

“Thank you. I’d like to change into something more comfortable first, and my friends probably feel the same way.”

“That’s not a problem.”

“We hope that our weapons arrive so we can face you tomorrow.”

Weiß remained quiet as they returned to their rooms and changed into clothing they could work out in and again as Michel lead to the workout room. Once he left them alone, Aya and Ken searched for bugs and came up empty again.

Yoji put his arms around Aya and said, “Please don’t let them make you grumpy for the rest of the night. They’re not worth it.”

“...I’ll try not to,” Aya said. “Was the dinner awkward or was it just me?”

“It was awkward,” Ken said.

“Hell yeah,” Yoji said.

“At least I’m not suffering alone,” Aya replied.

Yoji had to ask, “You’re not going to be this--” paranoid “--cautious the whole time after we get accepted into this team, right?”

“Hopefully I won’t have cause to be.” Aya squirmed in a clear demand to be let go, which Yoji did.

“Do you have a plan for our workout?” Ken asked eagerly, the freak. Jocks liked weird things.

“Yoji needs to work on his wire techniques. I figured that after we warm up you and I can spar.”

“We made some changes to my bugnucks, like how I can fire them like projectiles now. They’re really cool!”

“How’s your aim with them?”

“Aya! It’s pretty good. You’ll see. But I still use them the old-fashioned way most often. I want to go with them against you and those needles.”

“The needles aren’t long enough for me to feel comfortable fighting you straight on while you’re armed with your usual weapons.”

“Aw.”

“You’ll just have to live with that.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Our ideas of fun are obviously very different.”

“Hey, Yoji, I know you have to get used to using your wire on people again, so I volunteer.” Ken barely looked at Aya as he said that.

Although the thought of using his wire on Aya unsettled him even more, Yoji got the shudders thinking about Ken’s offer too. “I can’t do that.”

“You’ll have to learn to use it again on somebody!”

“I can’t do it to either of you!” Since Aya and Ken looked worried, Yoji said, “I can do it. Just not to either of you. Okay?”

“I don’t know how you’ll practice, then,” Aya said.

“I’ll work on my moves and lassoing. There are plenty of things in here I can cast at and wrap my wire around.”

“All right.” Aya didn’t sound convinced but looked ready to give him the benefit of the doubt. “Yoji, practice your wirework instead of staring at me as I stretch.”

“Perv,” Ken said as he also did some stretching.

“It’s not my fault it’s such a nice view,” Yoji answered as he unreeled some of his wire and did some tricks and casts with it. Like earlier in that hotel room, his body remembered a lot of what it needed to do and became smoother at it the longer he worked it out. He still had good aim too.

However, once Aya and Ken started sparring Yoji couldn’t concentrate or practice anymore. They were _good_ , fast and flexible and really going for it. Almost beautiful, in a violent way. It had been a long time since he’d seen them fight one another and before they’d usually just _gone_ for each other, all force and anger and no technique. At those points he’d either instigated or tried to break it up. Watching them here, he felt no urge to make them stop. Although he worried about Aya’s injury, Ken didn’t get any hits there and Aya moved smoothly.

Yoji wanted to be able to do something like that with them, so much. It was something to shoot for.

But after about 20 minutes Yoji could see Aya tiring and starting to hurt. Being Aya, he kept going anyway. Ken must have noticed too because he said, “Let’s stop now.”

“No, not yet,” Aya answered.

“Come on, Aya.”

“No. I’m fine. I don’t have the option of calling a time out during a real fight.”

“You’re not faced with a real fight yet, so take it easy,” Yoji said, but Aya shook his head and kept going.

Ken suddenly fought harder, obviously trying to end the fight by force, though he remained careful of Aya’s injury. Aya stepped up his own efforts and held on, but Yoji could see him getting pushed back toward the wall. Once Aya hit the wall, Ken came in very close to pin him with his body, but Aya kept struggling, trying to break free and continue the fight.

“Aya, stand down and relax. It’s over,” Ken said.

“Ken, back off from him!” Yoji said.

“If I back off before he’s ready to stop he’ll come after me and kill me!”

Suddenly Aya’s eyes widened and he stopped moving and tried to press himself closer to the wall and away from Ken. Ken blushed and said, “Don’t take that the wrong way!”

“What’s the _right_ way to take that?” Aya asked, his voice sounding somewhat higher than usual.

“You know, we’re rubbing together and you... feel good, so--”

Finally Yoji figured out what had happened and yelled, “Ken, get the hell away from him!” What a liar Ken was; Aya had taken it exactly the way it had occurred.

“C’mon, you of all people should understand!”

Aya took advantage of Ken’s distraction to push him away and move to the center of the room, saying, “I’ve had enough of that, thanks.”

Still blushing, Ken said, “Someday we’ll look back on this and laugh, right?”

“No offense, Ken, but if that day ever comes it’ll be far in the future.”

“...how could I possibly take offense to that? Thanks, Aya.” Ken looked a bit bitter over it.

“I just didn’t ask to be manhandled. Whatever you were about to say, Yoji, don’t.”

What? Oh, _manhandling_. Yoji had to laugh a little. “I actually didn’t have a smartass comment ready, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Maybe we can end the sparring and spend the time watching and critiquing Yoji’s wire technique,” Aya said.

Crap. “I’ll get self-conscious.”

That actually put a small smile on Ken’s face. “That sounds like a _great_ idea.”

Like hell he’d give Ken reasons to smirk at him. He’d just have to be awesome. “You wish you looked this suave.”

******************************************************

Aya let Yoji get a shower first. Actually, Yoji had wanted to take a shower together again but that seemed too indulgent for Aya. Besides, he had a lot on his mind and needed some time alone to go through it.

His sister had told him that Ken had feelings for him and he’d seen some of it himself afterwards, but what happened tonight showed that Ken... wanted him as well. Unless close quarters fighting always aroused Ken, a possibility that would worry Aya, though not so much by the thing itself as by the thought that an enemy could notice and use it against Ken. Physical reactions happened. Aya didn’t really know what to think or if he should do something for Ken.

He hoped his and Yoji’s relationship didn’t leave Ken feeling isolated.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Yoji said as he walked out wearing only a towel around his waist. At least Yoji retained his accuracy in wire casting and had started to regain stamina. They still didn’t know if he could use his wire on people, though.

“But not too much?”

“Often too much.” Yoji came in for a hug.

“No, you’re still damp.” But Aya moved away with a smile.

“You’ve enjoyed my dampness before.”

“It wasn’t the dampness I was enjoying.”

“You say the sweetest things. What’s on your mind? Let me guess, you’re worrying about Ken.”

“Yeah. We’re all strangers in a foreign land, but we two have each other. Ken deserves... something.”

Yoji had an odd look on his face as he said, “I’m not sharing you with him.”

“I wasn’t asking you to. I have no intention of being the team’s bicycle. I’m just trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do to make his life here easier on him. He’s a good man.” He was family.

The odd expression turned into a thoughtful look. “We really misunderstood you for years, didn’t we?”

“Hmm?”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll figure something out.”

As much as Aya preferred to be self-reliant, it felt good to have Yoji express such confidence about him. “Thanks.”

“Now wash up and get to bed.”

“Where you’ll just make me dirty all over again?”

Yoji smiled. “You say that like being dirty is a bad thing. Being dirty can be a way of life.”

“You’re dirty enough for the both of us.”

“Is that a complaint?”

“No.”


	15. "Chloé has some screws loose."

Yoji woke to total darkness, which freaked him out. Stately Kripton Manor was so isolated out in the countryside that it totally lacked that ambient street light a city boy like Yoji took for granted. Only the blazing numbers on the alarm clock broke the blackness.

4 a.m. Shit. Crossing through time zones must have screwed with his internal clock. Generally, if he woke up before Aya something had to be wrong with the universe.

He couldn’t even see Aya’s outline but felt his soft hair, warm body, and cool hands and feet. Yoji vaguely remembered a time long ago when he and Ken had been particularly put out by Aya’s unfriendly ways and decided that Aya probably slept totally still with his arms crossed over his chest, unmoving and cold. Actual experience told Yoji that his sunshine tended to be a restless sleeper, although sometimes he’d give in to Yoji’s gravitational pull and sleep nestled against him for hours, something worth the initial surprise of those hands and feet lying along his much warmer skin.

It was so unfair to wake up before Aya but not be able to enjoy watching him sleep. Aya was so _pretty_ , and Yoji remembered that sometimes all the residual worry and stubbornness left his sunshine’s face when he slept, leaving him looking young, vulnerable, and adorable.

During his time with Asuka, Yoji had also come to appreciate morning sex, when they were drowsy and still relaxed from recent sleep. After-nap sex with Aya in Japan had been close but not quite it, especially since Ken had just delivered the news about their quickly coming departure to England and their new team.

Awake, with Aya warm and pliant in his arms, at a time of night that _had_ to protect them from Ken, Yoji wanted Aya badly. So what if that made him a sex fiend? With how sexy Aya was, most people would find him hard to resist when he’s already lying naked and so close.

Still, Aya could really use some sleep, and the memory that in the past Yoji had used sex as a way to distract himself from his problems held Yoji back. He didn’t want to make Aya his new drug. Aya deserved so much better than that.

“Yoji?” Aya asked softly, sounding half-asleep and concerned. “Something’s wrong?”

“No. I’m fine.” Yoji stroked down the length of Aya’s back and felt his spirits lift a bit at Aya arching into his hand and shuddering. “Why, sunshine?”

“You’re tensed up. Worrying is _my_ job.”

“Partners share things, right?” Yoji could feel Aya reach out to grope for the lamp on the bedside table, so Yoji turned the light on low for him, glad for the excuse. While Yoji’s worrying had brought out some of Aya’s, his sunshine still looked less burdened than usual and very cute. The sleep-tousled hair certainly contributed to the effect. Yoji _had_ to stroke some of Aya’s hair out of his face.

“If you need anything, just tell me. Let’s not repeat old mistakes.”

In a way, Aya had just simultaneously asked to be fucked _and_ told him not to return to old addictions, which would be a mixed message if Aya had any idea of what was running through Yoji’s head. Aya setting his hand on the side of Yoji’s face to turn it toward him and kissing him communicated intent in a much clearer way.

Once their lips parted, Yoji said, “You know how it can be. Things always feel worse in the middle of the night.”

“I can’t leave you alone for a moment, can I?”

That struck much too close to home, enough that Yoji couldn’t help flinching. Aya petted him in response and said, “If you’re having second thoughts about joining this team or living in this country or whatever, let me know and we’ll leave.”

“You’d do that just for me?” He’d known Aya cared for him but not this much, not enough to throw a new beginning for himself away.

“Yes. Having you back means more to me than any of this. Ken probably agrees.”

Ken would probably leave with them just to be near Aya anyway, and Yoji coughed out a near-laugh at the thought of it. Poor Ken. At Aya’s questioning look, Yoji answered, “It’s nothing. Being tired but awake is making me goofy. I’m good, Aya. It’s been a lot of changes at once, but I have you guys to help me.”

“I’m famous for being helpful.”

Yoji had to smile at that. “Of course you are.”

“Hmph.” Aya ran his hand along Yoji’s side in a way that mixed comforting with arousing. He already had one leg tangled with Yoji’s and felt half-hard against Yoji’s hip.

Even a saint would be tempted by this, and Yoji knew he was no saint. He let his hand settle on Aya’s ass and turned to face him, groaning as their hard cocks rubbed together and gasping, “Helpful?”

“Very.” Aya grinned wickedly and kissed him while stroking both their cocks at once.

“It looks like you have me completely in hand.”

“Not everyone would be willing to deal with your sense of humor.” But the deeper, throaty sound to Aya’s voice further betrayed his lust.

“You deal with me just fine.”

Yoji lost himself in their mutual stroking, rubbing, thrusting, and kissing, glorying in the sensations and the pounding of Aya’s pulse beneath his warm, and getting ever warmer, skin. Occasionally he tangled his fingers in Aya’s hair and smiled to see his sunshine letting it grow long again. When he came, as good as it felt he wished he could have prolonged the sex and connection even longer.

Not that they’d totally lost their connection afterward. How many people got to see Aya this relaxed and flushed with color, vitally alive? Not many. As Yoji tumbled into a very satisfied deep sleep, it warmed him to see so much love in Aya’s half-closed eyes.

******************************************************

Breakfast proved to be as tense and awkward affair as dinner had been. If their weapons didn’t arrive soon, the growing strain might make it impossible for Weiß and Kryptonbrand to ever work together comfortably and productively, an annoying waste. Aya noticed that while he managed to mechanically shovel food in, Yoji and Ken didn’t eat much. Not surprising under the circumstances but not good either.

Michel slid into the room, obviously excited. “They’re here!”

That could only mean one thing. “May we be excused from the table soon?” Aya asked.

Kryptonbrand looked even more pleased than Ken and Yoji did. “Of course,” Sir Richard Kripton answered. “Whenever you feel finished with breakfast.”

“That would be now,” Yoji said, with Ken briskly nodding his assent.

“I’m done as well,” Aya said, standing with them.

“You can follow me,” Michel replied before rushing out of the room. Ken and Yoji followed at a similar speed, but Aya traveled at a slower, more seemly pace. Thus, Ken and Yoji already had their boxes when Aya arrived at the door. However, Aya’s box wasn’t the same one he’d packed. Looking at the address area on this longer box, he saw Mamoru’s mark of approval off to the side. What fresh hell was this?

“We’d like to open them in our rooms. Alone,” Aya told Michel. “We’ll let the team know when we’re ready. I imagine that you’ll all wish to spar as soon as possible, as we do.”

“Probably. That sounds good.”

The boy’s never-ending cuteness and energy left Aya feeling somewhat tired. “All right. Thank you.”

It pleased Aya that Ken and Yoji stayed silent until they reached his and Yoji’s bedroom, at which point Yoji said, “Aya, that’s not the same box. What the hell?”

“I don’t know yet,” Aya answered, “but it appears that Omi marked the box to try to allay some of my suspicions. I recognize his writing.” As Aya started to cut the tape with scissors, he noticed Yoji and Ken standing behind him. “Do you mind?”

“We want to back you up in case there’s something bad in the box,” Yoji said.

“You wouldn’t do much good standing behind me. I think you’re both just curious.”

“Can you blame us?”

“I guess not.” Aya stood off to the side as he cut then jumped further away as the flaps came free to open the box. Nothing came out or blew up. Only clothes showed up so far, but it would make sense for whatever had been added to be wrapped in and hidden by clothing just as his weapons had been.

Cautiously moving them away, Aya’s breath caught as he saw parts of a scabbard revealed. Tugging everything away from it showed a sheathed katana. He lifted it and drew it free of its sheath for examination, revealing a weapon that resembled his own in many ways.

Angry, his chest hurting, Aya sheathed it. “He had no right to try to replace my blade. None!”

“It wasn’t Mamoru’s decision,” Yoji said. “I asked him to.”

Aya hadn’t expected that at all. “Why?”

“Your katana saved my life, and you lost it in the process. It’s time for me to give you something back for it, even if I can’t replace it exactly. Think of it as coming from me, not Mamoru. Besides, you’ve punished yourself long enough, sunshine.”

That simple statement stole Aya’s breath. His initial, heated reaction of “How dare he?” was followed by “How did he know that? How deeply can he see into me?” Before, Yoji _hadn’t_ really known him, and so many problems had followed that, not that Aya could feel superior because he hadn’t really seen the depths of Yoji’s pain either.

“Aya, if it’s a good, well-made sword, take it and use it,” Yoji said with a very serious look on his face. “Please.”

“I agree,” Ken said.

“I thought you wanted to face off against my needles,” Aya answered, trying to keep his face blank and stoic.

“I do, and we still can, but you’re a swordsman and that’s the way things should be. You got Yoji back, better than he’s been for a long time. It’s time for you to stop mourning because it’s not appropriate anymore.”

Aya never would have expected to hear this kind of talk from either of them.

He took another look at the sheathed katana in his hands. It already felt familiar in his grip and appeared to be a beautiful weapon, although he’d need to do some exercises with it to really be sure of its worthiness. Sometimes he could admit that he didn’t feel like himself when he used the needles. What would it be like to use a katana that had a less painful providence and had been given from... love? Could he bear it?

Sometimes he worried that after all these years if he didn’t have his little acts of self-flagellation and self-denial to tether him he might fly apart. He didn’t know how to live like a normal person--or anything approximating one--anymore.

******************************************************

Yoji had been so glad to see the katana come out of the box because Aya _should_ be using one and it showed that maybe some Omi still remained in Mamoru. Unfortunately, when he’d asked for that sword he’d been so consumed by the rightness of it that he hadn’t really thought Aya wouldn’t see the rightness too, which was dumb because he should have. Aya might look simple to the untrained eye, but he could actually feel several emotions, many of them conflicting, all at once. Watching Aya’s subtle tells, Yoji noticed anger, pain, longing, and confusion flitting in and out. It hurt him to see the small tremors in Aya’s arms and hands as he gently and respectfully held the weapon. Having seen Aya’s strenuous practices, he knew the weight Aya’s body was reacting to was emotional, not physical.

Without really thinking about it, Yoji came up behind Aya and wrapped him in his arms. Once he was there and thinking again, he half-expected Aya to struggle and knock him away, but his sunshine leaned into him instead, as if he needed the support, even though Ken was still in the room watching. Yoji could even feel Aya’s heart pounding. This gift must have truly messed him up.

“I’m sorry, Aya,” Yoji murmured into his ear. “I only meant the best for you with this, I really did.”

“I know.” Aya took a deep breath in. “I have to try it out to see if it’ll work for what I’d do with it.”

“Of course.” Yoji let him go. They both knew the practice would be a formality because Mamoru, with his knowledge and wealth, would never give Aya a merely decorative katana. This katana would be an excellent deadly weapon, designed for field wetwork.

As Aya drew it, Yoji noticed that it had a pretty but unimpressive and barely decorated scabbard. From what Yoji remembered, Aya tended to use scabbards like bludgeons, so it made sense to avoid major embellishment that might get damaged or knocked off.

Aya... danced with the katana and scabbard, deadly and beautiful. Although he hadn’t handled a katana in a while, he retained the strength and grace to use it well. The weight in his hands didn’t appear to bother him or his healing wound. Excellent. Ken also looked satisfied as he watched Aya run through sword practice.

When he ended, Aya looked flushed and a little breathless but almost at peace. “I’ll keep it and use it.”

“Good,” Yoji answered. “This is the way it should be.”

Aya at their side with a katana really felt like home. Kryptonbrand wouldn’t know what hit them.

Chloé would probably cream himself, which Weiß might be able to use to its advantage.

Yoji noticed that Ken’s claws _did_ look different. “It’s a shame we didn’t get to see you fire those before the simulated battle,” Yoji said as he pointed at them.

Before Ken got his next word out, Aya said, “You will _not_ fire them in our bedroom.”

Looking rueful, Ken said, “Of course not. Heh.”

“You’re so transparent.” Aya put one of his mission coats on, the red one with the black front panel fastened by straps with buckles. Once he had everything buckled, which was hot, he started to put the long iron needles into their slots on the coat’s black armband pieces.

God, Yoji hated those. “I think you should retire that coat, sunshine.” Mamoru had sent a garment bag with Yoji’s box that contained two of his own old mission coats, though Yoji wouldn’t try them on in front of Aya and Ken because they probably wouldn’t fit, which would be embarrassing.

“Why? It covers me decently, and it’s not orange, so what’s the problem?” Aya managed to belt his new sheathed katana on in a way that wouldn’t tangle in the coat’s straps.

“I just-- Aya, you’re starting a new life. Shouldn’t you retire things that remind you of worse times?”

“This is the only coat I own that has places for all of my weapons.” Then Aya gave him a very direct look. “Wait... is that what this is about? These?” He held one of the needles in his right hand.

Honesty would probably be the best policy. “Yeah. I don’t think using those is good for you.”

Aya looked surprised. “I don’t--”

Someone knocked on the door, and Michel called out, “Is everything okay in there?” Yoji appreciated the kid’s timing.

“Yes!” Aya yelled back. “We’re ready.” He looked at Ken and Yoji. “Aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Yoji answered as he put a jacket and a pair of his old mission gloves on, while Ken gave a fierce nod.

“All right,” Aya said. “We should assume they have some idea of how we fight and plan accordingly. I hate that they have more intel on us than we do on them, but there’s nothing we can do about it here.”

“Nice pep talk,” Ken answered.

“That’s not my job. Okay. Let’s go.”

As they followed Michel, Richard Kripton and the other members of Kryptonbrand joined and walked with them. When they stopped in some big, strange indoor forested area that had stairs and things, Kripton said, “Even though this is a simulated battle, not real, take winning or losing seriously. Remember that this battleground has been constructed to look like the forests on the Gwynedd outskirts. We’ll also give points for carefully thinking about the battle site.”

Huh? What? Where the hell was Gwynedd and why should it mean anything to them? Yoji looked to Aya, who only shrugged in his minimalistic way. He doubted Ken had any better idea of what was going on than they did.

But, hey, if a rich guy wanted to create a forest inside somewhere he could do that. At least he didn’t make dolls out of real girl parts or some of the other creepy-ass things Yoji vaguely remembered some of their wealthier dark beasts doing. He was very glad he didn’t remember that stuff more clearly.

Kripton continued, “The rules are simple. A rose is pinned to everyone’s chest. If the petals are scattered, you lose. The team with more survivors wins. This is a three-on-three battle. I _could_ fight if necessary--something I’d like you to remember--but today I’ll only officiate as you face Chloé, Nana, and Michel.”

“Your secretary can fight too?” Ken asked.

“Of course. We believe that Kritiker and other organizations make a mistake when they keep their higher-ups away from the battlefield and dependent on the reports of others to make their decisions. All of us can fight.”

“I’m the mission planner but also an Amazoness,” Nana said, apparently in all seriousness. “Such a big difference from your Weiß secretaries!”

“Scary,” Ken muttered, while Aya said softly, “That’s insulting to Birman and Manx.” Aya had the “I’m dealing with idiots” set to his face, though Kryptonbrand probably wouldn’t realize that.

As if Aya hadn’t just accused Nana of anything, Chloé said, “As we said before, we won’t take advantage of Abyssinian’s recent stomach injury or Balinese’s recent inaction.” That seemed to smooth things over for Kryptonbrand because none of them reacted against Aya’s statement.

Yoji had major butterflies in his stomach. He really needed to kick ass, for his own pride and the sake of his team. If he did it, Aya could feel proud of him and trust him to watch his back in battle, Kryptonbrand would be less likely to fuck with him, and Chloé would see that he couldn’t try to put the moves on Aya without successful resistance coming his way from Yoji. Aya might not need help expressing his disdain for people, but Chloé needed to know that Aya already _had_ a worthy partner and wasn’t on the market.

Yoji was out of fighting shape, but at least he wouldn’t have to test whether he could kill somebody yet.

Once Nana finished pinning a rose on everyone, Chloé said, “Let’s start observing each other’s skills,” with a smile. Then he and the other members of Kryptonbrand scattered at high speed.

Suddenly Nana came at them with two long, skinny swords to fight them with and did a move that showed off her thigh-highs and garter straps. Yoji mentally kicked himself for going momentarily slack-jawed over that, thinking that Aya and Ken would never let him live it down if he lost the fight for the team because he was too busy drooling over an opponent’s saucy lingerie and smooth thighs. Fortunately, Ken blocked her with his claws and fought her off.

Besides, like hell she didn’t do that specifically to take advantage of slack-jawed opponents. Not that it would work on Aya. This one time when they caught a target in the middle of sexy times the naked dark beast tossed his naked female partner at Aya to give himself some time. Completely unfazed, Aya calmly rolled her off his side and to the floor before cutting the man down with his katana.

Amazing how suddenly and clearly some of his formerly lost memories came to him. He didn’t have time to linger though and ducked under the whip lash that flew down to strike at them from above, maybe from the trees. Looking up, Ken yelled, “I won’t have mercy on you just because you’re a kid! I’ll cut your cheap rope in half!”

“You can’t cut it!” Michel yelled back from his tree branch perch. “My Rabbit Tail is specially made.”

Ken shot his claws to reel himself up into the trees to chase the kid, which looked damned cool. Meanwhile, Aya fought with Chloé, who appeared to be using two thin knives, a rose on each one, the nut. Blocking Aya’s katana strokes with two short knives was arrogant, insane, suicidal, or some combination of the above.

Smiling/smirking, Chloé said, “You should just let me take your rose for your own good. Doesn’t your wound hurt every time you move?”

Aya answered, “Sorry. I have a bad attitude and don’t give in so easily.”

“A samurai as well as a ninja?”

Chloé had no idea how lucky he was that Aya had mellowed out a bit since he’d first joined Weiß.

But Chloé was probably right about Aya’s wound, and Yoji couldn’t keep letting Aya and Ken fight for him while he did nothing. Practicing had reminded him of some of the crazy things he could do with his wire, and it was about time he started using them. It could easily kill or hurt people, but it didn’t have to if he used finesse. To win here he just had to scatter his enemies’ rose petals.

As he moved out of the way of Nana’s swords he worked to see a pattern in her passes or at least her preferred speed. Once he had an idea of how she moved, he started to flick his wire out, aiming for her rose. The first shot missed, the next two stung her hand, but the last made it through and knocked off a lot of petals.

“You’re out, Nana,” Kripton said from the sidelines. Nana bowed to Yoji and walked off.

Yoji just barely heard something whistling toward his head just before Aya leapt over to tangle the end of Michel’s Rabbit Tail up in his katana. That had been close. Ken grabbed the kid and yanked his rose off. Weiß kicked ass, and it felt good to be a contributing part of that.

Michel looked oddly happy though, and Yoji got an idea of why when he felt someone come up behind him, grip him, and yank the rose off his jacket. Damned Chloé. With Aya and his katana caught up in saving Yoji from Michel’s whip and Yoji distracted by it all, Chloé could easily sneak around. Being taken out by this guy _burned_.

Grinning, Chloé let Yoji go. “You’re not ready for this.”

“I’ll get better. In the meantime, enjoy Aya and Ken whipping your ass,” Yoji answered as he moved to the side, out of the way. Aya and Ken charged but Chloé leapt neatly over them and ran off, with the two of them in hot pursuit. “They’ll take him down hard,” Yoji said to Kripton.

“I don’t think so,” Michel replied. “Since we knew you guys were strong, we helped him prepare a booby trap.”

What looked a lot like thorny branches popped up around Aya and Ken in a kind of cage. Outside it, Chloé said, “I don’t want to mud-wrestle two opponents at once.”

“Above is sealed off too. They were pretty thorough.” Aya yelled to Chloé, “I don’t care if I get ripped apart, but you aren’t going to win by exploding a bomb in this kind of narrow area.”

“You mean like this?”

Ken and Aya jumped when a bomb went off near them. “This is pretty good,” Kripton said.

“If they do something stupid the sprinklers will go on,” Nana answered.

Watching all this, Yoji muttered, “You people are seriously twisted.” He wished he could be in there fighting at their side and helping.

Kripton replied, “Chloé said he wanted to see Aya’s true strength.”

“Chloé has some screws loose.”

Smirking at Aya and Ken, Chloé said, “Well, what will you do? Even your ninja can’t cross this kind of distance.”

Ken made a sound of frustration before saying, “Honestly! Really, Aya, when I’m with you these kinds of things always happen!”

“You chose this,” Aya answered.

“True.”

Then they started talking so quietly amongst themselves that Yoji and hopefully Kryptonbrand couldn’t hear them. It must have frustrated Chloé, because he yelled, “Your team has had a nice long chat but it doesn't seem to have produced any battle tactics!” right before he started throwing those crazy rose-wrapped blades into the cage at them. Ken knocked them away with his claws, while Aya dodged them.

Chloé continued, “Even wounded, your work is worthy of my praise, but if your weapon’s blunt you won’t be admitted to the team!” He really did have several screws loose.

Aya charged forward toward Chloé inside the cage while Ken shot his claws through a space in the branches at him. Then Aya leapt incredibly high, taking him over the cage branches and out of the top somehow, over Chloé’s head.

“I told you I don’t give up easily,” Aya said with a smile as he cut Chloé’s rose off. Sexy as hell.

“There’s our true strength,” Yoji said to Richard Kripton.

Kripton nodded and answered, “If your team is willing, it’ll be part of our strength from now on.”


	16. "That's okay because all of you is mine."

Even though he knew it just rubbed it in, Aya couldn’t help grinning at Chloé. That had felt damned good. He hated killing, but he loved battle and the adrenaline rush and the way they made him feel vibrantly alive.

It felt good to wield a katana again too, more natural to him. He never had warmed to the needles.

The fight over, Aya’s focus broadened. Kryptonbrand as well as Chloé looked impressed. Excellent. He wanted to make a good first impression in battle. Ken and Yoji’s smiles lit up the room.

His healing stomach wound started to twinge but Aya kept his face blank and considered it well worth it. He couldn’t get a second chance to make a lasting first impression, while pain passed.

“So we’re in?” Aya asked Richard Kripton.

“Definitely,” Richard Kripton answered as he shook Aya’s hand. “We’re glad to have you and your team. We could start setting up your part of the team living quarters.”

“As soon as possible. Please. I want to get to work. And get to know all of you better.” A routine would be comforting. Plus, it would let him have an idea as to whether he should let his sister visit here. At the very least she’d want to know how his new life was going.

“But right now we’d like to look Aya over,” Yoji said as he put his hand on his forearm. “We want to make sure he didn’t strain his healing injuries too much.”

“Of course. If he needs medical attention....”

What? “He” could speak for himself.

“I doubt it’ll be that bad,” Yoji replied. “See you later.”

Yoji and Ken hustled Aya down the hallway at great speed. If they hadn’t been within viewing distance of Kryptonbrand, Aya would have stopped it and asked what the hell was going on with them. Instead, he maintained team solidarity by saying nothing.

Once they all reached Yoji and Aya’s bedroom and had the door closed, Aya yanked his arm free and asked, “What the hell is wrong with you two?”

“We just want to make sure you’re okay,” Yoji said as he took his gloves and jacket off.

“It’s not like I’m bleeding to death!”

“That was a _really_ cool move,” Ken answered, “but kind of risky. It’s not like it was a life or death situation. _Anyway_ , we want to make sure you’re okay.”

“And get you out of Chloé’s drooling range,” Yoji said.

Is that what this was about? “I have no interest in... _that_ from him whatsoever,” Aya replied.

“We know. But why subject you to it if we don’t have to? He might piss you off enough to make you do something against him, and we’re still trying to ingratiate ourselves here, right?”

“I have more self-control than that. Besides, I’ll have to deal with him daily.”

“But why strain it now when you don’t have to? Speaking of straining....”

“Yes, yes.” Aya took off his katana and gloves then started undoing the buttons on his mission coat until he noticed the too avid look in Yoji and Ken’s eyes. “Turn away while I’m doing this. Face that corner.”

“We’ve seen it before,” Ken protested.

“Not with that look in your eyes. I’m not putting on a strip show for you. Yoji, you turn away too.”

“What? Unfair. You _do_ put strip shows on for me,” Yoji answered.

Aya pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really wanted you to share that with Ken. Thank you. Turn away. Both of you.”

“You’re gonna get it, Yoji,” Ken said, “and not in the good way.”

“ _Now_ ,” Aya growled. At least they obeyed without further incident this time. He might have been happier continuing to go through life without the awareness that so many people were leering at him. It was embarrassing. Without the audience, the unbuttoning went much faster, but when he moved to take his coat off his injury twinged hard and he couldn’t help the grunt of pain that escaped.

Yoji turned around and pulled the coat off Aya’s shoulders and down his arms. “There’s no need to make things so difficult.”

“You know him, right?” Ken asked.

“Be thankful there’s no doghouse at this mansion, because otherwise the two of you would be sharing it tonight,” Aya muttered.

“Kinky,” Yoji answered. “Do you want me to pull your top off over your head for you or would you like to see if you can make your stab wound hurt some more?”

“Hnh.”

“Help it is!”

Yoji really didn’t have to ruffle Aya’s hair back into place afterwards. At least, not in front of Ken, who looked amused and very interested all at once. It was cruel to him and Ken at the same time.

Pretending he had no idea what was going on, Yoji looked at the bandage instead of Aya’s face. “No bleed-through. Good.”

“I didn’t think there would be. What I did wasn’t that big a deal,” Aya answered.

“I’m undoing it now. Do you want to make Ken turn to face the naughty corner during this?”

“He doesn’t have to.” Aya just wouldn’t look at him during this, because if seeing someone unbandage Aya aroused him Aya really didn’t want to know. Ignorance could be bliss.

“I’ll watch!” Ken said, too enthusiastically. Aya refused to look at his face. “It was a big deal, Aya. It was so damned cool.”

If anyone noticed Aya’s small blush, he’d blame it on Yoji undoing his bandage. “Thanks. The claws were very... cool too. It’s great that you can use them for more things now.”

“Damned straight.”

“Considering how long you’ve been out of action and practice, Yoji, you did very well too.”

It made Aya happy to see that Yoji hadn’t entirely lost his instincts and abilities. Although it would make him happier to keep Yoji out of field operations altogether, he could understand Yoji not being able to sit home waiting and hoping for Aya to get out of danger every mission.

“Uhm. Well,” Yoji muttered. Let him struggle to accept compliments for a moment too.

“Have I popped any seams?” Aya asked him.

“Nope. It looks good, like it’s healing well. Just take a painkiller.”

“Hnh.”

“Painkiller.”

“All right, Yoji.” Good news. He should be able to move properly soon. “Don’t cover it up again yet. I’d like to take a shower before getting dressed. The hot water would do me good. In fact, I think I’ll go without bandaging from now on unless something happens to it. It’s healed enough.”

“Hmm,” Yoji answered, sounding unconvinced.

“You’re worrying too much. It’s been looking good lately. I was wearing the bandage during the mock battle more to remind me not to overextend myself too badly than to cover the wound.”

“And look how well that worked out.”

“I’m really and truly fine.” Aya set his mission coat over his shoulders to stay warm as he waited for his shower then picked up his sheathed katana.

“I’m really glad to see you using a katana again,” Ken said.

“I thought you wanted to fight me claws to needles.”

“You were right about the needles being too short for that to be safe. The only way you’d win with them would be to disable and/or kill me quick, and I hope you don’t want to do that. Anyway, the katana is right for you.”

“No matter what Chloé might think, a katana doesn’t make me a samurai. I’m just a killer no matter what weapon I use.”

“You fight with a katana. You just kill with the needles,” Yoji said. “It makes a difference to you.”

“And to us,” Ken said. “So accept the gift and use it.”

“Besides, your last katana died while saving my life. It didn’t just kill. That has to mean something.”

Once Aya would have told them it was none of their business what weapon he used as long as it worked for the team’s success rate. Today they looked out for each other, and they might be the better for it. They were his responsibility and his family, and he was theirs.

His katana had saved Yoji’s life. “It does mean something,” Aya answered. “Thank you.”

“Good,” Ken said. “I’m going to shower and change then socialize with Kryptonbrand a bit, try to make nice. See you later.”

Once Ken left them alone, Yoji sat beside Aya, pulled his own shirt up, and poked his revealed belly. “Hmm.”

“What?” Aya asked.

“You’ve been taking it easier lately but you still have abs of steel. I have pudge.”

“It’s not bad.” Aya still had a bit of his adrenaline rush going, while Yoji sat so close and had done so well today.... Medication and a shower could wait. He shrugged his coat off his shoulders in preparation.

“I have to disagree.”

******************************************************

“Yoji, I’d like you to be healthy and in fighting shape, but don’t worry too much about getting a flat belly. You don’t have to fit into your old clothing.”

It felt so good to hear Aya say that he expected Yoji to fight at his side, because he’d rather not argue about it. The rest confused him though. “I want to be back in my prime.”

“You became frighteningly skinny, smaller and bristling with protruding bones. I like you with some padding on you. I like it a lot.”

Yoji’s dick immediately responded to the heat in Aya’s eyes and voice. “Really?”

Aya pushed him down onto the bed and pushed his shirt up further. “Yeah.”

Yoji responded with a moan to the hot kisses Aya set on his stomach and the way his chin kept stroking Yoji’s cock. The more he kissed and stroked, the harder Yoji got... which made it even easier for Aya’s chin to caress him. Wow. Apparently, Aya _really_ liked him having a bit of a belly. He’d spent a lot of the fight thinking Aya was white hot and wanting him badly, but this was even hotter. He parted his legs to let Aya get in closer.

As his pants became uncomfortably tight, Yoji put his hand down to open his fly but Aya lightly slapped it away and undid it himself then went farther to get Yoji’s cock out and kiss, lick, and suck on its head. Aya’s soft hair felt wonderful sliding along Yoji’s sensitive stomach. He couldn’t speak and could barely think. It all felt so good that he came quickly after Aya slid his cock all the way into his mouth.

When Aya looked up, his lips were wet and swollen, making him look even sexier, and his pupils were dilated as he looked at him. Aya’s breathing told Yoji that he hadn’t come yet, so Yoji said, “God, Aya, let me see you jerk off and come on me. Please....”

It told Yoji a lot that Aya didn’t hesitate or ask questions, just undid his pants and underwear, got himself out, and went right to it, watching Yoji the whole time. Yoji went half-hard just seeing this. Aya’s cock was already hard and dripping, so it didn’t take too many pulls through Aya’s firm grip before he cried out and came across Yoji’s stomach, so hot. Still undone and messy, Aya settled himself on his side right next to Yoji, breathing nearly in time with him.

“You make a compelling argument,” Yoji finally said, and Aya rewarded him with a rare bright smile. As much as Yoji wished Aya would smile so openly more often, knowing that he was one of the rare beneficiaries of it gave him an immense ego boost.

But he didn’t deserve--

Yoji nipped that thought in the bud. Thinking like that had destroyed him and their relationship before, and this time he’d learn from his mistakes.

Then he thought of something else. “It’s okay that I think your rock-hard abs are really hot, right?”

“It’s okay.” Aya snuggled in a bit. “But _you_ don’t need rock-hard abs to use your wire.”

“I get it. I get it. But I won’t be able to wear anything that shows off my belly.” Hey. “Get that look of glee off your face!”

“Your shirts and short sweaters were tacky. Besides,” Aya set his hand on Yoji’s belly, “this is _mine_. Nobody else gets to look at it.”

“ _I_ get to look at it.”

“That’s okay because all of you is mine.”

“You’re lucky I find your possessiveness cute.” Because it so was.

“It’s not luck. By the way, don’t think you have to maintain a certain level of belly either. I don’t want you obsessing over your weight going up or down. I’m happy with you healthy.”

Sweet sunshine. Yoji had to nuzzle his neck for that.

Once he had his thinking in better order, Yoji asked, “How’s your stomach doing?”

“It’s fine.”

But Yoji could see a hint of discomfort returning to Aya’s eyes as the afterglow started to wear off more. “You’ll take a painkiller, and then we’ll have a hot shower.”

“We?”

“I want to make sure you take proper care of yourself. Besides, you got me halfway riled up again.”

“The painkiller will make me sleepy.”

Yoji kissed him. “I like you any flavor I can get you. ‘Sleepy’ has its attractions too.” Besides, he wanted to make sure the combination of medication and a hot shower didn’t make Aya pass out and crack his head open. His sunshine needed a spotter sometimes.

“Shower first. Medication afterward. It makes more sense that way,” Aya said.

“You’re hurting _now_.”

“Then distract me from it.”

How much more of an invitation did he need? While in the shower with Aya he made sure his sunshine got the most hot water, mostly by having him facing it and holding him from behind as he stroked and kissed him. Knowing that a long soaking would do Aya good, Yoji teased and teased and _teased_ , making out but backing them off from orgasm every time, drawing things out until Aya’s legs started to tremble and moans took on an edge of desperation and the water started turning cold. Then Yoji got them both off.

After some thorough and playful toweling off, Yoji made sure Aya took some pain medication like a good boy then tucked him in to bed. Aya looked conflicted over this treatment. “I don’t want you to baby me, Yoji,” his mouth said but some other indications suggested he actually liked being pampered... and might not like that he liked being pampered.

Unable to resist, Yoji answered, “But you’ll always be my baby.”

That raised eyebrow and the look in Aya’s heavy-lidded eyes said, “I’m too tired, drugged, and fucked out to do anything about that comment now but someday, oh someday, I will take my vengeance.” Aya said more than most people realized.

Grinning, Yoji replied, “I’m not worried.”

“You should be.”

“I know you love me.”

Aya didn’t have a grumpy retort to that, spoken or silent. He just smiled a small Aya smile, but it also said volumes.

Yoji wouldn’t mind a nap himself and some snuggling, so he got under the covers with his sunshine, kissed him on the cheek, and made himself comfortable while wrapping around him a bit, nuzzling the nape of Aya’s neck. Aya’s drowsy and contented-sounding “Mmmm” and snuggling back went straight to Yoji’s heart.

He had it so bad for Aya, but it felt so good.

******************************************************

Ken and Yoji gawked like wide-eyed tourists during the ride to their new housing, but Aya tried to be subtler about his. So far Kryptonbrand had treated him as Weiß’s leader, and that position needed a certain dignity. Aya figured he still caught a lot of the locations with his cooler observation. Besides, he’d be walking and running these streets soon, which would give him a better mental map of the area.

“Here’s the flower shop you’ll be working in with us,” Michel said.

“Wait, yours is named ‘Kitten in the House’ too?” Aya asked.

“Sure!”

Working there would be _weird_.

“Should be easier for you to remember, Ken,” Yoji murmured.

“I’m not the guy with memory problems,” Ken replied softly and sweetly. When Aya glared at him, Ken asked, “What? Too soon?”

“It’s fine, Aya,” Yoji said. “Besides, at least _I_ have an excuse, Kenken.”

“I’m going to disown the both of you,” Aya said.

Michel grinned at them. “You guys are a lot of fun.”

Given that Sir Kripton lived in a mansion, Aya hadn’t even tried to guess what he’d be walking into here but he couldn’t complain about the furnished living quarters, which were neither too Spartan nor too lavish. As they walked through with their luggage, Aya asked, “Which room would you like to take, Yoji?”

“That one,” Yoji answered.

“I’ll take the one to the left,” Ken said.

“I’ll take the room closest to the both of you, then,” Aya said then wondered what the strange look that suddenly came over Yoji’s face meant. Aya would have to ask once they were alone, having no intention to give Chloé a free show.

“Wait, does Chloé have an _owl_ over there?” Ken asked.

******************************************************

Yoji was glad Aya stayed with him in his new room after Ken and Kryptonbrand wandered off. He knew what _he_ thought had just happened but wanted to know what Aya had been thinking. It might be a misunderstanding.

Either way, he still wanted to smack the smugness he’d seen on Chloé’s face during that moment right off it.

Aya closed the door then asked, “Yoji, did I do something to upset you?”

“I kind of thought the two of us would be rooming together, Aya.”

Aya couldn’t fake the sudden look of surprise on his face. “We’ve never lived together before.”

“What do you think we’ve been doing since I got back together with you?”

After about a minute, realization dawned on Aya’s face. “... _oh_.”

Yoji couldn’t help saying, “You really are hopeless about some things, aren’t you?” Crap. Stupid comment.

But instead of glaring or stomping out, Aya looked upset and somewhat sulky and kept talking. “You could have spoken to me about this before we arrived instead of assuming I’d know to get a room together.”

Actually, he could have. He knew Aya didn’t like surprises. “Okay. That is a point.”

“Yoji, I need some space of my own. It hasn’t come up so far, but once in a while I really need privacy and quiet.”

“I could give you that.”

“When that happens, I need _a lot_ of space and a door I can lock behind me, and the idea of having to _ask_ for it instead of it just being there when I need it....” Aya looked quite unhappy. “I need to decompress every so often. I barely held onto my sanity living in the trailer with the team, and I know I didn’t always hold onto my temper.”

That made a lot of sense of various Aya moments over the years. Knowing Aya for years, Yoji had guessed something like this, but here he had Aya stripping away some of his secretive layers in full honesty, telling Yoji in more detail and less animosity than he ever had before. But he couldn’t totally leach the unhappiness out of his “Yeah.” He’d gotten used to certain things during his marriage.

Now Aya _really_ looked unhappy. “I don’t need space _all_ the time, just when I hit that ‘too much noise, too many people for too long’ point, and I’m not saying we can’t visit each other often... or have sleepovers.” He put on a small, wavering smile, obviously trying to lighten the mood a bit. “You already know I enjoy it when we play with each other’s hair.”

Although he knew he didn’t remember everything, Yoji remembered that a lot of times he hadn’t reacted so well to Aya needing to close himself away. He remembered a few shouting matches through locked doors, both of them getting nastier the longer it went on. He’d be wanting to spend time with or go out with Aya and feel hurt or angry when Aya would act like some high maintenance drama queen girlfriend and lock himself in a room.

With that kind of history it made sense that Aya wouldn’t want to be dependent on _permission_ to get a locked door and quiet space for himself when he needed it.

He had Aya offering a compromise here. It sounded like Aya intended to spend a lot of time with him, just not 24/7. Why should he fight that? It made good sense and might keep Aya on an even keel.

“Okay,” Yoji replied. “Let’s do that.”

“Really?” Aya looked surprised and cautiously pleased.

“As long as I get to spend a lot of time with you, yeah. It’ll save us from arguing over each other’s taste in decorating too.”

Looking somewhat more relaxed, Aya answered, “My taste in decorating is impeccable.”

“Your taste in decorating is _minimal_.”

Aya raised an eyebrow. “You probably thought that was clever.”

Putting his arm around Aya’s shoulders, Yoji said, “Stay here with me for a while right now, sunshine.”

Leaning into him, Aya answered, “Sure.”


	17. "Size is important!"

Aya couldn’t wait until he felt more certain and comfortable in the new flower shop. He didn’t know how they did things here or where everything was and _hated_ that. Worse, the customers used a variety of accents he didn’t always understand and prior to this he’d never thought to learn many flower names in English. Living and killing in New York hadn’t prepared him for this. Bad enough to be a greenhorn at all but worse to be it in a second language and unfamiliar culture. He wanted to be _good_ at everything already.

Under these conditions, Ken looked especially strained and harried. Aya tried to help him when he could but felt that Kryptonbrand would provide better help. Yoji’s outgoing, flirty manner surpassed language gaps and let him get by easier, but Aya could see him struggling at times too. They wouldn’t always be working shifts all together, but their hosts figured it would make things easier for them in their first days acclimating.

Although the morning had been quiet and low key, word of the shop’s new, exotic employees had gotten out and drawn more people than usual in. Aya knew this because some of the customers had told him so. At least, that’s what he understood.

Here, on someone else’s territory, he didn’t feel that he had as much right to drive too interested customers away from him, so after hours of public exposure he felt ready to implode. At least the girls in London rarely hit the higher pitches Japanese fangirls often produced.

He felt so humbled. He’d also like a locked room all to himself to decompress in.

Yoji came up behind him and whispered in Japanese, “We’re almost done for the day.”

“I know. I’ve been counting the minutes,” Aya whispered back. It felt so good to have people he could just talk regularly with. In New York, aside from infrequent calls to and from Mamoru, Aya spoke only English during the rare times he did speak.

“I better enjoy this while it lasts. Soon enough you’ll be up to speed and back to your perfectionist workaholic florist self.”

Right now Aya would rather be killing people, but he wouldn’t say so.

Yoji grinned as if he heard that anyway. “Do you wanna go out for a walk and dinner together when we get out?

A walk might calm him down as well as a silent private room. “You really want to go out _walking_ with me?” Yoji rarely had before.

“I have to get back in shape anyway. Besides, you seem to enjoy it. Aya, what’s wrong?”

What was his face doing to make Yoji worry so much? Usually he had better control. “I’m just so...” Touched. Surprised. Happy. “Thank you, Yoji. That means a lot to me.”

Yoji looked a bit embarrassed but also very pleased. “I’m that kind of guy.”

Having something to look forward to made it _harder_ to get through the last bit of their workday, but Aya remained grateful to Yoji because how could he not be? As soon as they all finished closing up the shop, Yoji just about yanked Aya out of there with a tossed off “We’regoingouttodinnerbye!” to the others.

It felt so good to be outside. Aya felt his breathing change just from being free and couldn’t help smiling a bit at Yoji as they walked.

“While we’re out, I figured we could look for things to spruce up and individualize our rooms with too. We’d need to borrow a car to pick up some things, though,” Yoji said.

“We’d need someone to drive us too. We need to be legal to drive here if we’re staying,” Aya replied.

“Shit. I didn’t even think of that. Who do we talk to about that? You think Mamoru has started that up, or do we have to find out what to do from Kriptonbrand?”

“I hadn’t really thought of that either until now, and that’s my _job_.” He should have.

“Hey, we’ve had a lot going on. I don’t blame you.”

“I’d ask Kryptonbrand about it first. In fact, I will.”

“Hey, Aya.” Yoji grinned as he pointed to a sextoy shop.

“Not even.” He could just imagine what Yoji would be like with him in a sextoy shop.

“What? A sextoy gave us a lot of help at the beginning of our relationship.”

Sometimes Aya vaguely wondered what had happened to the Ripple but figured it had been destroyed during one of the many times enemies had blown up Weiß’s home. It wasn’t like Aya was the type of guy to enshrine a sextoy as an important, nostalgic artifact. “True, but I’m a big believer in discreetly buying toys on the Internet, like decent people.”

“You don’t get any real idea of size or texture from jpgs. Size is important! Plus, on a website you have to know exactly what you’re looking for, while a store has everything out and can give you new ideas. C’mon, this looks like a nice place, not one of the sleazy ones. It’ll be fun. I won’t be too embarrassing.”

“ _Too_ embarrassing? How much embarrassment do you think I can take? Do _not_ give me the big puppy dog eyes. They won’t work.”

Yoji turned the big puppy dog eyes on full blast. “Pleeeeeease?”

Aya put his hand over his eyes. “It won’t work if I can’t see them.”

“Aw. Pretty please?”

“I’m tired, disgruntled, and hungry. You know that makes me short-tempered and more misanthropic.”

“Sextoy shop then a nice quiet dinner.”

Aya could tell that he wouldn’t win this one, so he should try to concede gracefully. “You swear it’ll be quiet.”

“And nice!”

Aya put his hand down. “All right.”

“I love you. Even when you’re almost short-tempered and misanthropic.”

“Almost?”

Grinning, Yoji grabbed his wrist and led him inside, where so many objects competed for his attention that he didn’t know where to look or what to do with himself. He saw such a variety of stuff, some wrapped in plastic and others out on display, in too small a space, too close.... Yoji kept leading him, gentler now.

******************************************************

Yoji regretted bringing Aya into the shop, or at least this particular shop. It made even Yoji feel somewhat claustrophobic, so he could understand Aya’s discomfort. Still, after all the effort they’d gone through to get Aya in here, it’d set a bad precedent and an off note to leave now, especially if it was phrased in any way as “I’m sorry and we’ll leave since I can tell your kind-of claustrophia is acting up in here.” Yoji would have to salvage the situation.

After all, he’d managed to get Aya out walking and relaxing when it had looked like Aya would have gone off into locked-door seclusion after their shift if left to himself. Yoji just had to keep the streak of good feelings going. He started by leading Aya into one of the less crowded areas of the store.

“The glass dildos look pretty and nearly artistic, almost pretty enough to display as an art piece,” Yoji said softly as he looked at a display near them. If he talked about their sex life too loudly in here Aya would never let him have one again.

“I really hope that’s not how you’re going to decorate your room.”

Yoji had to laugh. “Even I have limits. Really.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I hear these glass ones can be warmed up or chilled.”

“I’ve never thought of sticking a hot rod of glass up my ass,” Aya answered somewhat wryly, calming down a bit.

“I’ve wondered myself how they feel in general.” Some of them had ridges and nubbies too. He smirked. “Too bad they don’t have fitting rooms to try this stuff.”

“And if you don’t like it, it goes back on the shelf for other people to try and buy? That’s _disgusting_. Did you really bring me in here to mentally torture me?”

“No.”

“Hnh.”

“I’m taking a moment to remember what we’ve done and what toys we’ve used in the past. Good times.”

Porn photos and vids didn’t do much for Aya, although he got off on some written stuff and manga. Yoji had teased him about actually being a girl, but Aya had huffily told him the people in the photos and vids were _strangers_ and thus not as involving. Although he and Aya had tied each other up with silk scarves at times, Aya would not do handcuffs, formal restraints, rope, and ball gags due to them being something he’d either used or had a really bad experience with while on the job. Aya could only take a blindfold while in a mellow mood, because otherwise sight deprivation made him way too jumpy and homicidal.

“Do you? Remember?” Aya asked.

“A lot of it, but be nice if it turns out I still can’t remember something.”

Aya put his hand on Yoji’s wrist. “Don’t worry.”

Oh, sunshine. “I love you,” Yoji whispered to him. “If you liked public displays I’d be kissing you right now.”

Aya blushed a little and caressed Yoji’s wrist. Adorable, beautiful....

Coming here and going right out to dinner afterward seemed more and more like bad ideas because Yoji wanted nothing more than to kiss and touch every part of his sunshine’s body. He just hadn’t expected Aya to be so accommodating and _sweet_ here, having expected banter and Aya being somewhat cranky and making him work for everything. Banter and a hard time would have staved off a lot of the desire. Instead, Yoji didn’t know if he could wait a few hours to get Aya alone somewhere private. Aya’s pupils dilated as he looked back at him, obviously thinking something similar, making Yoji wonder if Aya’s lust and affection would overwhelm his pride and let them go back to their place to fuck like bunnies, dinner be damned.

No. They shouldn’t leave yet. Who knew when he could talk Aya into walking into a sex shop with him again? Besides, they could get some new things to play with. He could control himself for a while.

“I know you like vibrators,” Yoji said, letting sexiness infuse his voice. “Though, really, who doesn’t? Would you like a new one?”

“I could be persuaded, especially since I don’t have anything like that right now. Our belongings kept getting blown up, and I... hadn’t felt the urge for it for a long time.”

Holy shit. Even Yoji’s wife-- _ex_ -wife had a vibrator. Also, while it had given him a warm fuzzy to hear that Aya hadn’t had any sexual partners after him he found it weird to think that his sunshine hadn’t even jerked off in all that time. How had he survived? At least recent events had shown him that Aya’s sex drive had only been dormant, not dead.

“We’ll get you something nice,” Yoji said. “It looks like they have a good selection here.”

“I don’t need--”

“I’m getting you a vibrator, and nobody can talk me out of it.”

“All right. No glass then.”

There actually were some glass ones that could vibrate, but Yoji just said, “Sure.” He could always pick up a glass dildo that had pretty colors or one of those striped spirals on the inside another time.

He had a good time shopping through the large selection for a vibrator for Aya, who surrendered some information on his preferences and was much less uptight about it all than he could have been. Besides, that little bit of blushing his sunshine sometimes did made Yoji’s heart and dick quiver. Ignoring Aya’s protests about extravagance, Yoji selected a vibrating dildo _and_ a Bullet for him then also tossed a Tongue Vibe for oral play in when Aya wasn’t looking.

They had a few laughs looking at the dress-up items and picked up lubricant and more condoms. They could always use more of those. Yoji considered getting a paddle but Aya said he preferred when they just used their hands, seeing it as more personal that way. They didn’t spend a lot of time spanking each other anyway.

“How about one of these little whips?” Yoji asked.

“It would be harder to work with Michel on a regular basis if we used anything like that in the bedroom,” Aya answered softly.

Yoji’s answering laugh was somewhat louder, though he said, “Now I can’t get that out of my head. I hate you for that.”

“You, of all people, didn’t see the kinky aspects before?”

“What do you think of me? Never mind. Look, he’s like a fluffier Omi, so hell no.” Thinking about Omi still made him sad, like Omi had been murdered instead of... replaced by a more ruthless, “more adult” version of himself. Worse that Omi had proposed and chosen this.

“Let’s change the topic.”

“Agreed.” Yoji saw something fun he’d like to try on Aya but knew he’d never go for. Then he got an idea. “How about this?”

Aya had the look on his face Yoji expected. “Yoji--”

Ready, Yoji answered, “I would wear the vibrator while you used the remote control.”

Blink. Blink. “What?”

“I’d be walking around, minding my own business, anticipating a jolt of of pleasure the whole time but having no idea when it would come. It would be so sexy.” He was actually selling himself on it, though he also hoped Aya would see how much he liked it and try it the other way around.

Aya looked less hostile to the idea after that explanation but still asked, “The uncertainty, the being at someone else’s mercy... you’d want that?”

“I trust you.”

Aya caressed Yoji’s wrist again but asked, with a look of mock evil, “Are you sure you _should_?”

Yoji smiled at him. “Of course I should.”

“Hnh.”

“You could use this as a reward, encouragement. Like, I could be wearing this in the flower shop and if you’re happy with what I’m doing you could give me a buzz.”

“And thus have you stop working.”

Undeterred, Yoji continued, “Or if I’m giving you incredible head, you could turn it on to let me know how you’re appreciating it.”

“And thus have you bite through my dick in your moment of surprise.”

Wow. “You’re _really_ a pessimist.”

“You already know that.” But Aya gave him a little Aya smile. “Put it in the basket. Let’s see what it can do.”

“All right!” In it went.

Yoji picked up another toy, the Turbo Tongue. The artificial “tongue” had nubbies on it and looked rather freaky. Then he turned it on and watched in horror as the tongue writhed in rolling waves.

“Not _ever_ ,” Aya immediately said as soon as he got a look at it.

Yoji quickly turned it off and put it down. “Don’t worry. I’m grossed out too.”

In front of the selection of massage lotions he asked Aya, “Could you give these a shot and see which one smells like something you’d like?”

“I don’t--”

“You get so tense, while I know massage. There’s no need for you to be all knotted up.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“...thank you.”

“And it’s not like touching you is a chore.”

“All right. All right.”

Yoji actually enjoyed watching Aya open up and sniff the various lotions to see the expressions that lightly passed over his face, even the “hell no!” ones. It underlined that he had a much more open version of Aya here with him, something he appreciated, and gave him such a warm glow to see Aya trusting him like this. Yoji wanted to hold, kiss, stroke, and fuck him so badly.

Setting a bottle in Yoji’s hand, Aya said, “This one.”

Yoji took a whiff of it himself and enjoyed its light, clean, vaguely green tea-like scent. “Nice.”

“Can we go to dinner now? I’m really hungry. Also, the sooner we’re done with dinner, the sooner we can return to our new home.” The look in Aya’s eyes and the quirk of his mouth suggested very strongly that he _really_ wanted to be held, kissed, stroked, and fucked, and very soon at that.

“Oh yeah.”

******************************************************

It surprised Aya that their time in the sextoy shop hadn’t been so bad. Yoji hadn’t tried to embarrass him and draw attention to them, and he’d been responsive to what Aya had told him. Yoji had been wonderful, actually. Some of their time in there had even been nearly... fun, and Aya looked forward to spending the night with him.

He and Yoji had a quiet dinner at an Indian restaurant they found, with Yoji’s usual loquaciousness dimmed. It could have been from the electric sexual tension that stretched between them and Yoji wanting them to eat and return to their rooms faster than usual. Aya wouldn’t argue with that. They’d each ordered a dish and then shared with each other, their hands occasionally brushing when they reached for the naan. If Yoji said anything about Aya looking flushed, Aya would blame it on the spices.

Their fingers occasionally brushed as they walked back, and Aya struggled to keep a stupid smile off his face. He felt so warm inside that he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Then he saw a payphone stand on the sidewalk, which reminded him of something he really should have done earlier. “Yoji, I’m sorry to hold us up a bit longer, but I really should have called my sister before to let her know I’m okay.” It should be a decent time of morning in Tokyo. If he got an answering service he’d just leave a brief, somewhat cryptic message.

A complicated mix of emotions ran over Yoji’s face before he said, “Of course you should call your sister.”

“I won’t let this kill our mood. I’m... eager myself.”

That brought back Yoji’s smile, and Aya smiled back at him a bit. Although Aya hadn’t originally intended it that way, it was like Yoji had passed a test.

She picked up on the other end of the line. “Hello?”

“It’s me. I’m fine. Really.”

“Oh...! It’s been days, you!”

“Sorry. This is the first time I could get out to make a private call.”

“Does that mean things are bad?”

“Not really. They’re... strange here.”

“That sounds promising.” Her sarcasm dripped over the connection.

“They may be all right, but it’s too soon to really tell yet. I’m not ready to trust them with you.”

“I figured you wouldn’t have any trouble getting onto the team.”

“It’s too soon for us to be sure we want to stay on it.”

“I get you. I hope to see you again soon, either here or there.”

“Me too. I’m still playing it by ear for now.”

“How’s your darling?”

“Still... darling. We’re having a very nice evening together so far.” Aya rolled his eyes when Yoji flashed a “Victory!” pose at him.

“Then get back to him!”

“First I’m not calling early enough, then....”

“I’m glad you called.” He could hear affection and a smile in her voice. “Now go be glad with your guy. Talk to you later. Good-bye.”

“Bye.” Aya knew he had a smile on his face.

“Your sister blesses our union?” Yoji asked with a wise-assed smile.

“Keep talking like that and you’re not getting any.”

“Hey! You made a promise!”

“I promised I wouldn’t let the call kill our mood. I didn’t say anything about _you_ bungling it.”

Yoji took it the right way, thankfully. “Awww!”

“You can still make it up though.”

“You’ll see how I make it up.”

“I look forward to it.”

******************************************************

Fortunately, they made it inside without anyone else noticing or at least noticing in time. Last thing Yoji wanted was for him and Aya to get sidetracked and held up by the rest of the team talking to them. He’d shown amazing patience and self-restraint but couldn’t hold on much longer.

“My room?” Aya asked softly, his voice deepened even more by desire.

Yoji had been upset when Aya had missed the chance to get them a room together but come around to the advantages of each of them having his own place. Getting an invitation like this felt special. “I’d love to.”

Aya’s bedroom didn’t look much different from his, but it had what looked like an antique writing desk made of some dark wood that gave Yoji _such_ ideas. “Sunshine, if we still didn’t have to be careful with your stomach, I would so love to bend you over that desk and lick you until you begged for my cock.” Once he said it, he knew he shouldn’t have used the word “begged,” but the exciting mental image had shorted out some of his brain.

Fortunately, Aya reacted well. “It takes a lot to make me beg.”

Yoji held him close and nuzzled his ear. “I’d give you a lot. I’d give you _everything_....”

They kissed hungrily and ran their hands all over each other. This impatient and avid, they probably wouldn’t even get to use any of their new toys for the first round or maybe even the whole night, but Yoji didn’t mind at all. He had what he needed.


	18. "At last you reveal your secret love for Sailor Moon."

Tired and bored, Yoji sighed. It had been another long and stressful day working in the flower shop, so stressful that after his shift a very frazzled Aya went to his bedroom, locked the door behind him, and didn’t come out for an hour. Although Yoji still didn’t quite understand the need for that and would have preferred to try to cheer Aya up and keep him around, Aya said he needed quiet, alone time now and then so Yoji stepped back and supported Aya without being in the room with him. Aya’s calm and his quiet but fervent “thank you” when he rejoined Yoji later showed him he’d made the right choice.

It annoyed Yoji that after doing a full, rough day’s work they now had to drive back to Kripton’s mansion for team bonding and teamwork training exercises. How could Weiß do well working with Kryptonbrand when they were so much more beaten up? Sure, Weiß used to work in their flower shop by day then go on missions at night, but that had been _their_ shop in their own country in their own language accepting familiar Japanese money in payment with so much experience that they could do it in their sleep. Hell, sometimes Yoji just about had done his shift in his sleep.

It annoyed him that Kryptonbrand’s members had all the advantages against them, and if it annoyed him it had to be eating Aya alive. Though not at that very moment, since Aya had decided to get through the ride to Kripton’s place by napping, which Yoji didn’t mind at all since he had his sunshine leaning against him, snuggly. Besides, it showed him again how much Aya trusted him to defend and take care of him. If it weren’t so dark he’d get to do one of his favorite hobbies: watching Aya’s relaxed face as he slept.

“Did you let him get any sleep last night?” Ken asked quietly, seated on Yoji’s other side.

Although Yoji wanted to say he’d kept Aya up _all_ night long, he answered just as quietly, “Yeah, I did. I know we have to work.”

“I’m just asking because he’s totally unconscious now, while you guys came back fairly early.”

“What?”

“Did you really think you snuck into a house full of assassins? Some of us realized when you two came back. I just managed to get them to stay away since you obviously wanted some alone time together.”

“Considering your previous role in our relationship, I’m amazed that didn’t rip a hole in time and space, Ken,” Yoji had to say. So much for being professionally sneaky.

“Fuck you. It’s not like I set out to continuously interrupt your sex life. Besides,” Ken’s voice sounded bittersweet, “he’s so obviously happy when he’s with you.”

Yoji didn’t know if he could be quite that unselfish, so it amazed him when Ken said things like that. Not enough to make Yoji willing to share Aya a bit with Ken--if Aya would even be willing to go for that--but it still struck his heart.

“That’s what I’m trying for,” Yoji said. “But for Aya.... Neither of us slacked off today, but he went looking for tasks to do and kept himself in the thick of things, learning and doing as much as he could. That would knock anyone out, especially if that anyone is still getting over a serious injury.”

“It seems like he needs to keep busy.”

Needed to know everything too. “Hey, I don’t know if I’m just not remembering or if it’s something I didn’t know, but did he have to learn from scratch at our flower shop?”

“I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to him back then myself, but Omi said Aya already knew ikebana and some of the Victorian flower language stuff when he arrived. Better than I did, which was how Aya started doing customer arrangements so soon. Plus, he had some accounting skills. Why?”

“With what I know about him now, it makes me feel a bit better knowing that-- hmm. I don’t know how to say it. Maybe it’s from how alone he was back then, without any support, which he angrily said was the way he wanted it.... Just, at least he didn’t have to deal with coming into a workplace in total ignorance.” Yoji didn’t know if Ken could make heads or tails of that mess of words.

But Ken nodded. “Yeah. I get it.”

Aya had become Weiß’s unofficial field leader in much the same way, wanting and needing things to be done so much and needing things to do so badly that he threw himself at them, using sheer determination in any areas where his actual skills lagged. That might also explain why he’d thrown a katana at a helicopter as if it would actually do anything, something Yoji wished he’d been there to see in person. Being intense and a nearly unstoppable force, plus looking dramatic and awesome in a swirling dark coat, had helped Aya too.

“Are we there yet?” Aya murmured, sounding half-asleep.

“Not yet,” Yoji replied. “Go back to sleep, sunshine.” He couldn’t help grinning to himself as Aya snuggled in against him. Aya might not have been so cuddly if he’d listened to and hadn’t appreciated the recent topic of discussion.

Nana had said this would be a kind of dress rehearsal, which Yoji presumed meant that Weiß would get to see Kryptonbrand’s mission uniforms. He had to admit to some curiosity.

Aya had packed his red coat and katana but not the steel needles, which gave Yoji a warm, happy feeling. Ken had brought along his claws and gloves, while Yoji just wore his watch and had the gloves that prevented him from slicing his hands open with his own wire shoved into the pockets of his coat.

Chloé had a fucking _owl_ in a pet carrier. Was the _owl_ a member of Kryptonbrand? With how bizarre the team could be, Yoji didn’t rule it out.

In another hour they arrived at Sir Richard Kripton’s manor, with Aya waking up when Nana parked their vehicle and seeming more relaxed than he had earlier. Kryptonbrand brought them back to the indoor forest area Weiß had been tested in before disappearing to put their uniforms on. With only mission gloves, a coat, and weapons to don, Weiß didn’t bother with privacy and simply dressed quickly in the forest. All three of them stretched to unkink themselves after the long drive and limber up, and Kryptonbrand probably did the same wherever they were.

Yoji wondered if he’d ever consider himself, Aya, and Ken as Kryptonbrand alone or if they’d always, mentally, be “Weiß” to him. Whatever he called them, he loved these guys--though in different ways, of course--and was so happy to be reunited with them. Also, so happy that Aya had agreed to him returning to work, not liking it but understanding that he couldn’t wait somewhere in the distance for them knowing they could be killed.

Everything flew out of Yoji’s head when he saw Kryptonbrand show up in their mission outfits with Sir Richard. What the fuck? Before he could say anything, Aya put a hand over his mouth and quietly said, “Not now.” Aya had a hand over Ken’s mouth too, and Ken looked as poleaxed as Yoji felt. Aya maintained his stone face but anyone who really knew him....

“Then when?” Yoji whispered back.

“We’ll wait to hear their explanation first.”

“I don’t think an explanation is going to make a difference,” Ken whispered. Yoji agreed.

“Diplomacy is important,” Aya answered. “Don’t just shoot off your mouths.”

The masks... Who thought it would be a good idea to put shiny stuff on assassins’ faces? The masks managed to seem pretty and almost repulsive simultaneously. It looked like they had lenses over the eye holes. Also, who the hell thought a vertical half-mask really hid anyone’s identity all that well? It didn’t take much to guess at what the other side of the person’s face looked like. At least Chloé had a lot of hair covering his unmasked side. Yoji wondered what kind of adhesive they used to keep the masks on and how to take them off.

The only crowd the team might be able to blend and escape into would be a goth crowd. Great. If a mission went really bad, between the masks and the costumes they better be able to fight their way out instead of run and hide to fight again another day.

Was Michel wearing a fur stole and a _skirt_?

“I design the team’s uniforms and masks,” Sir Richard said. “The similar look and theme help foster team unity.”

So he enjoyed decorating his team. Good to know. The team’s targets probably appreciated the matching looks too.

“I see,” Aya answered, dry as the desert. “I imagine that you’ll design ours as well? To foster unity and better blend our teams.”

“Of course.”

Yoji pushed Aya’s hand away and said, “There’s no point in designing a uniform for me until I’m in better fighting condition. We’d just have to keep tailoring it.”

“I can still design your mask.”

Joy. At least Aya didn’t look too ticked off over what Yoji had said.

Ken also pushed Aya’s hand away to say, “I don’t want a fancy mask like those.” Ken probably didn’t want a mask at all but saw no way of getting out of it.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sir Richard answered.

“I’m fine as long as my peripheral vision isn’t blocked and the outfit lets me move properly when I fight.” Aya must have figured that since the rest of his team had nitpicked he might as well talk too.

“The three of you have nothing to worry about.”

Looking at Kryptonbrand, Yoji really wanted to beg to differ but said nothing. It also surprised him that the owl didn’t have a mask too. Sir Kripton had really missed an opportunity there.

******************************************************

Everyone napped in the van on their way back home. Well, everyone who wasn’t driving, which meant Nana remained conscious. Aya still looked twitchy when he woke up; getting his measurements taken by the tailor and his face modeled for the mask had obviously involved way too much touching for his tastes. Between that and the fatigue, Yoji had zero chance of scoring with him tonight and might even be prevented from _sleeping_ sleeping with him.

He could deal because he felt tired as hell too. Plus, tonight’s session had showed him that he _really_ needed to work on his upper arm and core strength to use his weapon again. He felt sore now and might feel worse tomorrow.

He’d seen photos of his old self and couldn’t help wondering where he’d hidden the strength because he’d been slender or, as Aya would put it, too thin. He couldn’t remember what strength-training exercises he used either so he’d have to ask Aya and Ken for workout ideas in the near future.

In the hallway, yawning, Ken said, “I never wore a mask before. Not for one of our jobs. I don’t know if it’ll get in my way.”

“It’ll be a hindrance if a mission goes badly and we have to blend into a crowd,” Aya said softly.

“Yeah,” Yoji answered.

“Maybe we should ask Kryptonbrand how it feels to wear them while they work.”

“Just make sure Chloé doesn’t take it the wrong way,” Yoji had to say.

“If he can pretend that request is a come-on, there’s something seriously wrong with him.”

“You’re still uncertain about that?” Yoji shook his head. “What do you think about the way the masks look?”

“I’m a fan of the classic domino mask. We don’t need anything fancier.”

“At last you reveal your secret love for _Sailor Moon_ ,” Yoji had to tease.

“I have a younger sister.”

“Excuses, excuses.”

“I kind of liked _Sailor Moon_ ,” Ken mumbled then turned red and said, “I watched it with girlfriends!”

Poor Ken. Yoji shook his head. “Sometimes you make it way too easy.”

Aya sent a mild look Yoji’s way then walked up to Ken and put an arm around his shoulders, though not in the spontaneous and easy way Yoji would have. “Since you have your superiority to keep you company, Yoji, Ken and I will go off alone together to share our common interests in peace,” Aya said.

Ken appeared to be hovering at some point on the shock/hilarity/pleasure spectrum, while Yoji, having no idea where his boyfriend was going with this, protested, “Aya!” in a way that came out sounding way too much like whining.

Aya just smiled at them, teasing, beautiful, and Yoji felt a rush of love for him and maybe even some optimism. If Aya could joke and go outside his comfort zone to reach out to them, things couldn’t be that bad.

Grinning, Ken said, “Sure, Aya,” and started walking off with him, heading in the direction of Ken’s room.

That took joking a bit too far. Yoji planted himself in front of them and said, “Yeah, not quite.”

“Are you trying for a threesome, Yotan?” Ken asked, smirking.

Aya removed his arm from Ken’s shoulders. “I didn’t know my arm was volunteering me for that; I didn’t get the memo. I’m out of it.” But he still had a smile on his face.

That smile made Yoji answer, “Aw. It can’t be a threesome without you involved.”

“You could always ask Chloé.”

Yoji was glad he hadn’t been drinking anything because the spit-take would have been epic. “One, never, and two, he’d only want a threesome if you were involved.”

“So I’m cockblocking everyone. Such power.”

“With great power comes great responsibility, so please don’t overdo the cockblocking.”

“I’ll try not to let it go to my head.”

******************************************************

Aya couldn’t blame Yoji for his anxiety but selfishly wished he wouldn’t be so obvious about it because it rattled _his_ nerves a bit when he’d really prefer to go into their first mission with Kryptonbrand with his focus perfected. “Yoji, you don’t have to--”

Yoji, of course, didn’t want to hear it. “I _know_ , Aya. I’ll be fine once I get out there in it. I’m sure of it. I’ll be able to use the wire on people and kill them as long as they’re not you and Ken.”

“I’m glad I’m not a target,” Ken said with a smirk.

“Some more training time would have been nice. I didn’t think Kryptonbrand would send us out until after they’d outfitted us to match the rest of the team.”

Aya shrugged. “Maybe they want the target to think two different teams are coming after him. Maybe they want to hang _us_ out to dry for their deeds.” As leader, he had to look at all possibilities dispassionately to be ready for anything, including betrayal. He didn’t think Kryptonbrand _would_ set them up, but if they did try Weiß would make them regret it.

Plus, Aya had money and passports stashed in another location in London in case Weiß needed to leave the country in a hurry.

“Aya, your pep talks _suck_ ,” Ken said.

Stupidly, that hurt Aya’s feelings a bit, even though he knew Ken meant it more as banter than criticism. At least he didn’t let that show. “I can’t be good at everything.”

Smiling, Ken clapped his hand down on Aya’s shoulder. “I love you, man.”

That roused Yoji out of his anxiety a bit. “Heeeey, enough of that.”

“It’s not my fault you’re insecure.”

“I’m still much prettier than you are.”

“There’s certainly more of you around the middle--” Ken yelped when Aya smacked his arm hard. “Hey!”

To Aya’s relief, Yoji didn’t appear to take it badly and even patted his little belly. “Aya likes having more of me to love. Though I’d be happier with a bit less of me. Why is it taking so damned long to tone this thing?”

“You’re older, and you’re actually eating these days,” Aya replied.

Shaking his head, Ken said, “Again with the pep talking.”

Seeing that his honesty had dampened Yoji’s spirits, Aya said, “These days my own body gains weight easier and doesn’t take abuse as well as it used to.”

“So we’re all physically going to hell?” Yoji asked wryly.

“Speak for yourselves, seniors,” Ken said.

“Look upon your future and despair, Kenken.”

“I dunno. I think Aya looks good with his broader shoulders.”

“I think he looks damned good at any age.”

Embarrassed by the moony looks, Aya said, “If you both start drooling I’ll leave you here and kill everyone by myself.”

“Can we come along if we promise not to say anything else about your beauty for the rest of the night?” Yoji asked.

“I’d prefer longer than that.”

Ken grinned. “That’s impossible.”

“You’re both impossible. I guess I’ll settle for a night.”

Yoji put an arm around Aya’s shoulder. “I’m happy that I get to enjoy a quality of yours I can’t mention every day.” At least he seemed happier and less anxious.

Aya had to stop him from taking the steel needles out of his coat’s armbands, though. “I won’t use them often, Yoji, but with all the unknowns in this mission I want to have them as backup.”

“Aya, I’ll be--”

Ridiculous. “It’s not about you.” Well, it wasn’t _just_ about not knowing if Yoji would be able to kill. “Don’t you dare take it personally.”

“Okay. You don’t have to coddle me or my emotions. I swear.”

“No sunglasses, Yoji?” Ken asked.

“The other thing about getting older is that I’m coming to value being able to _see_ over looking cool, so no sunglasses in the dark anymore.”

Pleased, Aya said, “I’m glad I lived to see the triumph of rationality. There’s hope for us all.” Yoji hadn’t worn sunglasses with his last mission ensemble but his bare chest with the red cross/target painted on it had been such a foolish choice that it canceled that small bit of rationality out.

******************************************************

Yoji wanted his heart to calm the fuck down already. Having promised Aya that he wouldn’t be a liability or a distraction, he’d be horrified if he had a heart attack during the mission and Aya had to carry him out. Plus, a heart attack would really suck.

Kryptonbrand had been kind, in its way. They’d paired Yoji with Aya, and the two of them didn’t have a kill as their part of the mission, just a directive to dig up some data on a computer and grab some paperwork while the others assassinated someone. Unless guards attacked them, he and Aya might get out of here with their hands clean, something Yoji hoped for and against because in many ways he just wanted the anxious anticipation over his ability to kill to be over with. Just give him an opponent and see what happened. Although he never would have accompanied Aya on a mission if he were _sure_ he couldn’t do the deed, things could still go wrong in the heat of the moment. For one thing, he had to stop thinking that some of the guys here were just assigned to a job instead of actively doing evil along with tonight’s dark beast and thus didn’t deserve to die.

Besides, he wanted to feel less useless. Although Aya couldn’t watch his own back, everything else he could have done solo. Yoji so wanted to be the partner Aya deserved, not a weight hanging around his neck.

Yoji stashed the paper files in his coat, while Aya removed a disc from the computer, put it in a protective case, and slid it into _his_ coat. They ran swiftly and quietly through darkened hallways on their way out. Although the stubborn belly still annoyed the hell out of him, Yoji had to say that all the recent exercising made running like this and going up stairs a lot easier.

Everything so far had been fairly trouble-free, but Yoji couldn’t help waiting for the other shoe to drop. Thus, he almost felt _satisfied_ when a group of guards whipped around the corner at them and started firing. Instinct made Yoji dodge and go for cover, while Aya’s instincts had him running right at them with his katana bared, an annoying habit of Aya’s that he’d managed to forget about. With Aya in the thick of it, Yoji couldn’t “hide” under cover and let these assholes try to take his sunshine away from him.

Although he had some memories and recently watched Aya practicing and being awesome, Aya was even more _beautiful_ like this, so sexy and graceful even in his most brutal moves, enough to make Yoji half hard despite the total inappropriateness. But as awesome as Aya was, the guards outnumbered him badly and might kill him, which put Yoji into a cold rage.

Aya _needed_ Yoji’s help.

As he pulled part of the wire out of his watch, Yoji felt unlike himself and almost serene, as if he’d fallen into some kind of battle trance along with Aya. They fought for their lives and killed almost effortlessly together, though some distant part of Yoji knew he’d physically hurt for this tomorrow. Maybe mentally and emotionally too....

His body _remembered_ , to the point that he even used his wire to strike a gun out of one of the guards’ hands, something he wouldn’t have thought was _possible_. The killing came much easier than that, even when he had to strangle someone close-up, although he let Aya fight the majority of their enemies since a katana was better for taking on a crowd than the wire. He lost all sense of time because the fight seemed to go on forever _and_ end quickly, though it took him a bit to _realize_ it was over since he kept expecting more opponents to show up. Once he did, that pleasant, focused distance he’d felt disintegrated and let him react to all the corpses around them. His own victims didn’t look too bad, as if that made them any less dead, but Aya’s had parts and organs lying around in the open, messy and horrifying and smelling terrible. It made him feel wobbly and sick, and the fact that he regretted the aftermath more than the actual deaths made him even sicker.

Aya looked to Yoji with a bit of a smile and some pride that turned to worry once he got a look at Yoji’s face. “We’re getting out of here,” Aya said softly.

Yoji so didn’t want to worry Aya but his voice came out shaky. “Good.”

He felt somewhat better once they got away from the corpses, to the point that Aya beheading one more guard on the way out didn’t bother him much. Not being bothered by it bothered him. Damn it, he really needed to sit down and think it all over.

Out of the two getaway cars, he and Aya unfortunately ended up in the same one as Chloé. When Chloé turned to face them with a smirk and opened his mouth, Aya said, “We have the data. Yoji killed a few people. We’ll compile all of our information into a mission report later instead of gossiping on the scene now. Drive,” in a voice you’d have to be an idiot to argue with.

Chloé turned out to be less of an idiot than Yoji thought, because he just followed Aya’s order without a word. If it had just been him and Aya and Ken, Yoji would have rested his head on Aya’s shoulder, but Ken was in the other car with Nana and Michel and Yoji sure as hell wouldn’t show Chloé any more weakness than he had to. He’d have plenty of time to totally lose his cool in his bedroom later, hopefully with Aya there. As much as he hated his baby seeing him that pathetic, him running off to go through it alone wouldn’t fool Aya and would actually make Aya feel worse.

Damn, he’d have to get through the team meeting before that. If he didn’t hold his shit together during it Kryptonbrand might think he couldn’t be relied on. Aya and probably Ken would fight to keep him on the team, but they shouldn’t have to.

He still wanted to be on the team and in the field. He knew that. He just had to come to terms with everything that entailed and the way he felt about it as opposed to the way he _wanted_ to feel about it.

Somehow he made it through the meeting on autopilot, talking when called upon, handing over the data, maintaining some sense of calm, although he could tell that he came off as somewhat shaken to everyone else. To his relief, nobody, not even Chloé, made much out of the news that he’d killed people tonight, no teasing or disbelief or congratulations or _anything_. Aya merely attested to Yoji’s skills and professionalism on the job.

“Do you still want to be on the team for these kinds of missions?” Sir Richard asked.

“Yeah,” Yoji replied, without hesitation.

Ken shadowed Yoji and Aya as they walked to their bedrooms and said, “If you need anything, man....”

“Thanks, Ken,” Yoji answered. “I’ll let you know.”

“Sure.” Ken looked like he wanted to stay, but after a few minutes of silence he went into his room.

“Yoji, I need a shower,” Aya said, still bloody, with some of it dried and flaking off the right side of his face.

“Normally I’d offer to join you, but... yeah,” Yoji replied. “I’ll take one after you then meet you in your bedroom?”

“ _Yes_.” Aya looked a little less worried.

It surprised Yoji a bit that he didn’t crumble at all as he listened to the water run and waited, nor did he crumble while showering. When he told himself he’d keep it in until he had some alone time with Aya, he apparently didn’t kid around.

It made sense, though, since so much hinged on Aya’s reactions to what he had to say.

Aya looked up when Yoji entered the bedroom and patted a space on the bed next to him. Why _that_ made Yoji want to cry, he’d never know. A moment later he had Aya’s arms wrapped around him, pressing him into the solid warmth of Aya’s body, and he _clung_. For a while they just stood together like that until Yoji said, “Let’s sit down on the bed. I want to.”

“Okay.”

Yoji appreciated that Aya’s current bed felt a lot softer than the one he had in their Weiß days. He leaned into Aya, rested his head against Aya’s shoulder, and felt so content at having Aya’s arm around him.

Content. That was part of what bothered him, but he had to be careful of that because he’d sabotaged his previous relationship with Aya because he hadn’t felt that he’d _deserved_ to be content.

“I know what you could say, sunshine. You could say that I don’t have to kill with you to be with you, that I could do other jobs in Kryptonbrand. You could tell me again that we could leave here together and find something else to do, and if anyone hunted us down for it you could defend us. I know. I want _you_ to know that I’m fine with what we have going right now. Tonight was a bit of a shock, but it’s actually more about me being bothered that killing didn’t bother me much. They wanted to kill you and I couldn’t allow that, so I’m fine. Aside from being nervous about whether I could do the deed, I _liked_ the mission, the danger, the sneaking around.” He gave Aya a few moments to absorb that.

Aya’s voice came out sounding soft and a bit incredulous. “...you’re really saying that you’re bothered... because you’re not bothered?”

“Yeah. I felt a bit sick seeing the corpses afterward, especially the ones you made, but that’s normal, isn’t it? I mean, you’ve been doing this almost non-stop for years and you still don’t like them.”

“Yes. I don’t think that’ll change either.”

“Right. Does all this mean I’m sick?” He worried about Aya’s reaction.

“No! I’m just... surprised, as it seems you are.”

Although he still felt a bit shaky, gaining Aya’s acceptance made his insides unknot. It’d take a bit longer for Yoji to accept all this about himself but knowing he had Aya on his side went a long way. “Yeah. I can take it. I want to be out there with you, as your partner, the two of us looking out for each other.” Even if it made him depraved. “I love you, and I’m glad to be here with you.” He wanted to make sure Aya knew that.

“I love you too.” Emotion turned Aya’s voice even deeper. “But if you _ever_ have any trouble--”

“I won’t hide it from you and let it fester. I learned my lesson.”

Aya felt and smelled so good. Yoji basked in his physical presence and the lingering shower warmth he radiated, increasing his desire. How would Aya react if he--?

“All right,” Aya said. “I want to make sure you don’t sacrifice your mental health just to show how manly you are or impress me.”

“Hey, I’m more mature than that.”

“Since when? Sometimes talking to you is a bit like talking to Se--” Aya clammed up suddenly, and his body abruptly went rigid before he very deliberately relaxed it.

Shit, what just happened? Yoji turned to get a better look at Aya’s face and saw that it had gone about two shades paler. This time _he_ held Aya to try to get him through whatever pain had him in its grip. “Aya, what is it?”

“Nothing.”

Yoji watched Aya stuff those feelings down, lock them away, to present a cool face, but he wouldn’t accept it. “Just tell me. Please. _I’m_ talking things out.”

“It’s not the time. Tonight is about you.”

“Aya....”

“It’s just... someone I failed.”

“I doubt that.”

Aya looked angry as well as sad when he said, “In the end, all I could do was watch him die. I can’t let that happen to you.”

“You _won’t_. Aya, who was it?”

“Sena. He was so young and too reckless. I should have tried harder to get him to leave the team. Instead, he stayed and was killed by his own brainwashed mother.”

Right. Yoji barely remembered the kid, but Sena had obviously idolized Aya and made an impression on his sunshine. While he and Ken had been destroying themselves in Germany, Aya had been alone with Sena and the other guy as their leader and trainer, responsible for them. Aya had a soft spot for kids. Had this thing with Sena been part of the torment that had killed Aya’s sense of self-preservation in New York?

He knew better than to mention the other guy, Kyo, because Aya no doubt felt responsible for _his_ death as well.

Yoji had to nip this in the bud, not only for Aya’s peace of mind but also because Aya might apply it to him and _his_ desire to stay with the team. “I know you, sunshine, and I’m sure you gave it your all for him. To some extent, people have to take responsibilities for their own lives and decide things for themselves.” He’d be able to give a much better argument if he remembered more! “If you have to blame anyone, blame the person who put the kid on an assassination team.” Had it been Mamoru?

Aya looked so sad and tired. “To some extent I do.” Probably Mamoru, then. “But I can’t avoid my own culpability.”

“You’re too hard on yourself, and I’m a big boy, old enough to have gotten _some_ wisdom.”

“I’m not so sure about that wisdom,” Aya answered with a small, very shaky smile, trying.

“Don’t knock it. I’m more than just a pretty face.”

Aya’s tendency toward guilt-ridden depression worried Yoji, especially with how secretive his sunshine could be about how bad it actually was. Aya might reach a crisis point that nobody around him would even be aware of until he suddenly did something actively or passively self-destructive, which he’d do with the same intense determination he used for everything.

Yeah, it was nearly a pot and kettle thing, but Yoji was certain he at least gave people more warning and descended gradually.

“I’m sorry,” Aya said. “This is ridiculous.”

“You care, Aya. I don’t want you to stop caring.” He didn’t want Aya trying to hide his caring either.

“Hnh.”

To reinforce the caring, Yoji asked, “Could I spend the night with you? Just sleeping and spooning, not sex, though I wouldn’t turn down sex.” Although he personally thought sex would cheer Aya up, Aya probably wouldn’t think it was appropriate, so Yoji would have to brighten him up through other means.

“Of course you could stay, but I’m... not in the mood for....”

“I totally get it.” Yoji gave Aya a warm, loving kiss instead of the hot, “wanna eat you up” kiss he’d prefer.


	19. "I prefer you without it, yeah. In fact, let’s take it *all* off."

When Aya awoke wrapped in Yoji’s warm embrace, he resisted the urge to stroke Yoji’s wavy hair out of his face and tried not to move much, unwilling to wake his lover from what looked like a peaceful, relaxed sleep. Last night’s mission, with Yoji’s first new kills and reaction to them, had gone better than Aya could have expected, even if he felt that it would be better for Yoji’s longterm safety if he’d reacted _badly_ to killing.

Still, Abyssinian felt a dark thrill at the thought of Balinese working at his side again. Hunting together.

Aya truly deserved his soul’s damnation.

He carried the heavy burden of the deaths he’d caused or failed to prevent--Sena, Kyo, and Asami-san as only the most recent important additions--on his back as some small attempt at penitence but knew it would never be enough. He wished he hadn’t revealed some of that to Yoji, who would worry, last night though....

If he disengaged himself carefully enough, he could get out of bed and dress without disturbing him. If he could compose himself properly, alone, before talking to Yoji again he could avoid further slips better. It would protect the both of them.

Yoji pulled him in much closer, half-opened sleepy green eyes, and murmured, “Sunshine, stop brooding. It’s way too early.”

Wrapped in Yoji’s warmth, scent, and affectionate gaze, Aya felt himself relaxing a little, against his will. “You only ask for the easy things.” But Yoji made penitence and self-denial so difficult.

Yoji kissed his nose, stroked his back, and said, “I only want the best for us. Stay in bed with me. Just stay with me.”

His penitence or Yoji’s well-being? Here, penitence was selfish. “...I will.”

Yoji’s bright smile made Aya’s dark soul a little lighter. In a way, looking after Yoji’s well-being was selfish too, but if it benefited the both of them....

******************************************************

Yoji felt a little relieved once he finally got the mask off. For a little while he’d started to wonder if the adhesive had glued it to his face permanently. At least he didn’t have to remove it for the first time after a mission, when he’d be tired and wired and thus more easily frustrated.

He felt that he could get a better look at it off his face anyway. Unlike the vertical half-masks a lot of Kryptonbrand had, he’d been given something that covered the upper part of his face, hiding both eyes behind lenses that turned out to have night vision capabilities. The flexible silver “metal” parts of the mask around the lenses looked almost like feathers, making it a kind of bird mask. Altogether, it suggested an artsier version of sunglasses, making Yoji wonder what kind of research Kryptonbrand had done on Weiß.

Ken walked into Yoji’s bedroom in his new uniform and a mask that covered the bottom half of his face, including his mouth. “Pretty cool,” Ken said. “The mask too. And I don’t have to unglue it from my face after a mission.”

Brat. “Pretty cool for a guy who used to tie a sweatshirt around his waist as part of his mission outfit. But as cool as that grill mask might look, it doesn’t have the night vision lenses the cool kids get,” Yoji answered.

“Wait, night vision comes with wearing a mask that goes over my eyes? Nobody told me about that! If I’d known I would’ve asked for....” Ken paused for a moment, then asked, “If the masks have night vision, why does almost everyone have only one eye piece?”

“I have two, but otherwise I have no idea. Doesn’t make much sense to me either.”

“Poor Aya. If it’s bothering us, it’ll bother him at least twice as hard.”

Yoji would really appreciate it if Kryptonbrand avoided driving his sunshine nuts. It didn’t seem like much to ask.

Despite the talk about the outfits and masks providing team unity, Ken’s ensemble didn’t look much like the rest of Kryptonbrand’s. Did that mean anything? Again, Aya would notice and mentally gnaw at that. Yoji wouldn’t mention any of it since he didn’t want to encourage Aya’s paranoia.

He didn’t want to fuel Aya’s tendency toward depression either, especially not after last night and this morning.

“What do you think of my new mission gear?” Ken asked. “Pretty swank.”

Feeling the need to be a brat himself, Yoji replied, “Aya will probably say that the long scarf-like thing will be a liability.”

“That’d be rich from the guy who had a braid that went past his waist for a while.”

It made Yoji wince. “Can we not mention that to Aya? It wasn’t exactly a happy time in our lives.” Aya had chopped the braid off in response to that girl’s murder, a death he’d apparently blamed himself for. Besides, Aya had started growing his hair out again, something Yoji strongly approved of.

“Good point.”

“With that mask, now when people say they’re getting up in your grill it’ll really mean something.”

“You just can’t deal with how badass it is. Hey, what does your mask look like?”

Yoji picked it up and held it in front of his eyes. “I’m not gluing this back on just for you.”

“It kind of reminds me of your sunglasses,” Ken said.

“Me too. I think that’s the point.”

Opening the door, Aya said, “So the night vision finally makes your old sunglasses idea actually useful? At least you get two lenses. Just try not to remove your eyebrows along with your mask.”

Scoping out Aya’s new look left Yoji too distracted and busy to retort. The purple trench coat with all the buckles and belts suggested again that someone had done some research on Weiß’s old looks, but it was too bulky for Aya, making Yoji feel that whoever in Kryptonbrand had looked back at Weiß’s past for ideas hadn’t understood how Aya should look _sleek_. The thickness made him look a bit like a thug. An A for effort, but it ultimately failed.

As usual, it would take too much work getting Aya out of his mission outfit.

The mask... the mask was just _weird_ , and pretty/repulsive like Chloé and Michel’s masks. Aya had gotten a vertical half-mask, with one eye hidden behind a lens. It wouldn’t take much work for a sketch artist to come up with the rest of his face, though Aya would say that his red hair and purple eyes made him too distinctive and the mask pointless anyway.

While Yoji still felt that erotic air of danger from Aya, he didn’t like the new look. He could have designed better.

“Do you want to get closer to examine me better?” Aya asked wryly.

“Thanks for the invitation.” When he circled Aya he had to ask, “There’s a silver chain connected to the mask that goes into your hair?”

“The chain attaches to a silver clip in my hair,” Aya answered. “It’s so...”

“Weird?”

“I was going to say random, but ‘weird’ also works. I don’t know why so many people have a thing about my hair. It’s just an eye-catching color.”

“This from the guy who threw a fit when I bleached and cropped mine?”

“That was an _atrocity_. Your stylists should have committed honorable suicide after it. Fallen on their scissors or something....”

Although Aya had never said anything about it, Yoji often thought that Aya must have taken a lot of grief over his hair color as a kid, which made more sense of his obliviousness and disbelief when people said that his hair was pretty and he was attractive in recent years. The thought made Yoji want to beat on them for tormenting his sunshine and giving him a complex.

Though Yoji did find Aya’s lack of vanity endearing.

Ken had come up close to Aya as well and asked, “What do you think of your coat?”

“It’s heavy and too stiff. I’ll need to work on it a bit. Maybe take some of the hardware off too. If Sir Kripton has a problem with any modifications I make he’ll just have to live with it. I’d modify the length of that scarf or whatever it is if I were you, Ken.”

“Told you, Kenken,” Yoji said as if he hoped Ken wouldn’t bring up Aya’s old braid.

“I’ll think about it, Aya,” Ken answered. Good.

“He gave you a bird mask, Yoji?” Aya asked with a small smile. “Sir Kripton better not put you in manties, bare legs, and pixie boots as part of your uniform.”

It took Yoji a moment, but then he asked, striving to sound lighthearted even though he felt somewhat annoyed, “Why do I get to be your _sidekick_ , Batman? Besides, my legs are _beautiful_.”

“We already talked about this. You’re mine, and various parts of you are for my private viewing alone.”

“ _So_ greedy.”

“This is where I leave the room,” Ken said.

“Sorry, Ken,” Aya replied. “We can stop--”

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m ready to move on, and Yoji’s dying to obsess over your small details.”

“That sounds so dirty, Kenken,” Yoji had to say. “And they’re not _small_.”

“You suck, Yoji.”

“You wish.”

“No, it’s Aya I’m wishing for.”

“ _I’ll_ leave the room,” Aya said, sounding like he wasn’t entirely kidding.

“No, no,” Ken answered. “I’ll go. You guys can get as dirty with each other as you want once I’m out of here. I just don’t want to see or hear it.”

As Ken left the room, Aya made a fast grab for the trailing end of his scarf, and only a quick reaction kept it out of Aya’s reach. Ken said, “I’m just that good!” as he dashed down the hallway.

Although Yoji wanted to say how adorable and playful he thought that move was, he worried that it would discourage Aya from doing more like it in the future and thus said nothing.

“You’re not my sidekick, Yoji,” Aya said as he closed the door, took his gloves off, and put them into the pockets of his coat. “You’re my partner.”

What? Oh, right. Sweet of him, but... “Wait, does that make me Catwoman?”

“You do share a taste for form-fitting bodysuits. But what versions of _Batman_ are _you_ seeing?”

“Sexy ones. Meow.”

Aya smiled at that then looked somewhat annoyed as he touched his mask. “The eyehole is large enough and situated in a way that lets me keep my peripheral vision, but me wearing a mask this small is like putting makeup on a pig.”

That sounded terrible. “Aya!”

“What?”

“A _pig_?” Did Aya really think so little of himself?

“What are you-- Wait. That wasn’t me having a low self-esteem moment about my looks or anything. It’s just that with my unusual coloring anything less than a full mask with obscuring lenses over both eyes and a wig or a hood makes the effort useless. If you put makeup on a pig it’s still very obviously a pig.” Looking disturbed, Aya asked, “Do you really think I’m that fragile?”

Although Yoji felt relieved that Aya didn’t hate his appearance that much.... “There’s absolutely no way I can answer that without you reacting badly.”

“...I guess. Sorry.”

“It was you comparing yourself to a pig.”

“All right. Putting only a mask this small on me is like putting makeup on kitten?”

Damn. “Maybe you were right about using a pig because I can’t help thinking that a kitten with some makeup on would be _adorable_.”

“ _See_? I’m taking this thing off. It’s annoying me.”

“I prefer you without it, yeah. In fact, let’s take it _all_ off.”

Raising his visible eyebrow, Aya answered, “I suppose I should have expected that.”

“Yeah, you should have. It solves everything.”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Getting naked makes a lot of situations better, or at least happier.” Ever helpful, Yoji handed Aya the bottle of adhesive remover and started to unbuckle various belts on Aya’s new mission coat. He appreciated the lack of holders for Aya’s steel needles before remembering that Aya had armbands for them he could put on.

“Can we do this near a table so I can put the bottle down on something when I need to?”

“Sure.” Yoji didn’t let go of Aya’s coat, figuring they could move across the room together.

“You’re very strange. I hope you know that.” But Aya didn’t protest any futher, and they were soon at Yoji’s nightstand together.

“That remover stuff reeks.”

“Another thing for us to protest, if we don’t mind sounding like whiners to our new team.”

“I know you dislike your new look. I can tell.”

“It doesn’t matter what I look like as long as I can get the work done properly.” He just had to be Mr. Stoic.

“I _know_ you care. There’s nothing wrong with that, sunshine.”

Aya sighed. “I do dislike it, but I can work with it. We’ve dealt with far worse. I want to save our public complaining to Kryptonbrand for more important matters.” He already had his mask off, much faster than Yoji had managed with his own.

As Aya reached into his hair to unclip the chain, Yoji asked, “Can I do that?”

“Sure.”

Aya’s hair felt so soft and silky, so tempting. Even after Yoji detached the clip he had to keep stroking it, and then pulled a little, knowing Aya enjoyed that. Aya reacted by making a sound that was almost a purr and closing his eyes. Oh yeah. Yoji put his arms around Aya, close to his waist, letting his hands rest under the opened coat, holding him close against him, then nibbled on the rim of his ear.

But... “Shit, that removal stuff _reeks_.” Yoji had to pull his face away.

“You’re such a romantic, Yoji,” Aya replied, though with a small smile. “You’re saying I stink. Are you asking me to wash my face?”

“Please? You’ll be happier too. It’s close to your nose, so you have to smell it.”

“I’ve been ignoring it.” Mr. Stoic.

“I already washed my face, and I’m _much_ happier.”

“Fine.” When Yoji let go of him, Aya took off his coat and shoved it at Yoji before leaving the room.

Damn, that thing was _heavy_ , heavier than Aya’s other mission coats with their light armor, while Aya needed to be able to move... and occasionally run for his life. Hopefully the chair Yoji left it on wouldn’t break under the weight. Adjustments would definitely have to be made. If such requests clashed with Sir Richard’s vision as a designer, too fucking bad.

When Aya returned, some of the hair around his face was damp and a darker red, and he’d unlaced the collar of his shirt, leaving his neck tantalizingly bare. As Yoji nuzzled him, he noticed a faint smell of lavender, which would seem odd and unmanly on most guys but not Aya. Though in Aya’s case roses would be more familiar and better. Aya relaxed into his embrace, precious.

“This is better already,” Yoji murmured, aching with lust as he stroked his sunshine and tried to hold onto his self-control so he wouldn’t shoot off too early.

“Mmmm,” Aya replied, sounding soft and dreamy and pleased.

“You know what would make it even better. The coat and mask are a good start, but....”

Aya smiled. “If you want it so badly, you could undress me.”

“If you think I won’t take you up on that, you’re wrong.”

“I’m counting on you taking me up on that.”

As they kissed, Yoji struggling to undo the fastenings on Aya’s shirt, amused and annoyed that the shirt was about as difficult as the coat, as difficult as Aya’s mission outfits always were. That had to symbolize something. Once he had it open he immediately started on Aya’s fly, prioritizing getting the important parts out into the air. It wanted to be free! He loved the panting and little sounds Aya made against his lips as he stroked the hard and eager length of his cock.

“I’m so fucking turned on right now,” Yoji had to say. “Want you so much....”

“How do you want me?” Aya asked, his voice low, husky, and thick with sex.

“I want to take you into my mouth and suck you to the point where you can’t think anymore.” His mouth watered at the thought. “Then I’ll make you feel even better as I fuck you.”

Unable to hold back any longer, Yoji dropped to his knees and started to lick and suck on the head of Aya’s cock and stroke his balls, deeply gratified by his sunshine’s hands going into his hair and how it made Aya shiver and moan out his name. His head movements and grip on Aya’s ass encouraged him to get a bit rough with him and fuck his mouth, which Aya did. So hot. Aya stroked and occasionally pulled on his hair, which felt so damned good and made him hum in pleasure around Aya’s cock, which made Aya do it more.

He could come just from this.

He didn’t want to, though, so he held on through iron will and hummed and sucked harder to make his sunshine come first. Although Aya sounded like he was enjoying himself, he still hadn’t gotten there yet, so Yoji helped him along by stroking Aya’s perineum through his pants, which had Aya coming while gasping Yoji’s name. Very gratifying.

After Yoji swallowed and gave Aya’s cock one last lick, he gazed up at his love. Aya looked flushed and dazed, his pupils dilated, his eyes brimming with warmth and affection. Loved him. When Aya pulled him up and kissed him deeply, Yoji held onto him tightly.

“The bed,” Yoji said, his voice coming out rough. “I need to fuck you.” He pulled his shirt off over his head and undid and removed his pants, sighing happily as it relieved the pressure on his very eager and very hard cock.

Aya stripped his remaining clothes off and climbed onto the bed, inadvertantly showing himself off in the process. All those scars on his pale skin, with the healing stomach wound an attention-grabbing dark pink in the midst of it, made Yoji want to cry or kill something, but Aya was still beautiful and sleek and had the body of a god. Yoji _had_ to go on missions at Aya’s side not just to defend Aya’s life but also to do his best to stop his sunshine’s body from picking up more injuries and scars. Beauty had to be protected.

Aya shifted in a way that showed off his world-class ass. _Damn_ , Yoji needed to be balls-deep in that _now_ , especially since he didn’t think he could hold it off much longer and wanted to give Aya a decent ride. Shooting off right after thrusting in would be mortifying.

“Come over here,” Aya said.

“What are you so impatient for?” Yoji asked. “You just got yours.”

“You look uncomfortable. You don’t have to wait on my account.”

“You’re so sweet.” Having been given the equivalent of an engraved invitation, Yoji sat on the bed and went back to kissing his sunshine. Aya pulled him in closer and rubbed against him, further stoking Yoji’s lust and aching need.

Aya writhed as Yoji prepared him with slick fingers and gasped into Yoji’s ear, “I’m fine. I don’t need any more. Just go for it.”

In his state Yoji couldn’t say no to that even if he’d wanted to. He put a condom on, applied more lubricant, and thrust all the way in then had to stop for a moment to keep himself from going off. Aya was tight and hot, too good, and it felt so intimate being inside him and skin to skin and heart to pounding heart like this. But he couldn’t stay still for long. When his cock brushed Aya’s sweet spot, Aya shuddered and clutched him tighter.

As he moved Aya rocked and moaned with him and clawed his back a bit when he sped up more, adding bright flashes of erotic pain to the pleasure. He wanted it to last forever but it couldn’t, and when he came he felt Aya shudder and heard him sigh.

As they cooled down and enjoyed the afterglow, Yoji nuzzled Aya’s neck, beyond contented. Aya said softly, sounding somewhat dazed, “Next time you fuck me, I’d like you to wear the vibrator with the remote control. Less chance of you biting anything important off me if I triggered it while you were fucking me.”

Yoji’s cock twitched with interest. “I like that idea.” That walk inside the sex shop really had paid off.

“I figured as much.”

“I’m so glad you enjoy our sex life so much, though I like to think we’ll still be together even when I’m old enough to need a pill to get it up.”

“Of course we will.” Aya smiled. “Just don’t expect me to kill my jaw working on that thing for hours.”

Although Yoji enjoyed Aya being in a playful mood, he had to protest. “‘Thing’? That’s really impersonal, sunshine.”

“‘Little Yoji’?”

“Little? _Hardly_.”

“‘Penis-san’ would be too formal after all that time. _Surely_ not ‘Penis-sama.’ I’d have to laugh at that one, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings. ‘Chinko-chan’ would be far too informal.” Aya put an exaggeratedly thoughtful look on his face. “Hmm....”

“I will decide on a name we’ll both be happy with. Just don’t go with ‘Chinko-chan,’ okay?”

“Who says it’s up to you?” Aya asked with an evil smile. “You’re mine, remember? That surely comes with the privilege of giving you and your parts pet names.”

“That doesn’t mean my dick will answer to it.”

“Knowing your dick, it’ll answer to anything I call it.”

Yoji kind of wished he could disagree with that.


End file.
